Monday, November 30, 2009
I can't sleep now. Not tht i dun want to. Juz can't.
Went for long long run juz now.. 3 rds in sch then to lower seletar and back.. should be tired by now.
The race day is drawing nearer n nearer. 5 more days. 1/2 of me is excited yet.. the other 1/2 is overwhelm by anxiety.. scared tht i can't finish. Can't catch up with the rest. Esp when being asked if i'm prepared.. Die le.. really scared tht the nitemare will repeat itself again.. plus this time qy is nt there with me.. though i wun be alone.. starting the race with yy, yanchang, kaiboon and turtleshell.. but i'm still afraid tht i can't mk it.. gosh..wad's with this last min freak out.. =(
Sch work's piling up.. not only for me i know.. for every1 as well.. i have no rite to "whine", moan, groan abt the wk load.. it's all my fault tht i can't finish.. it's juz like u are trying to do some overdue things and more work juz kp piling up..as soon as u finish the over due items, the up to date 1s become overdue.. tht's call snowballing.. sometimes juz feel like dumping everything aside.. everything..
The place tht used to be my shelter whenever i'm alone, i'm unhappy.. no longer can go there very often le.. everybody's everywhr now.. everybody's bz.. luckily there's memories.. nice memories with them tht kp ppl gg at times when u juz feel so 委屈, so wronged.. sth to look 4ward to is to be tgt with them again.. this dec hols..
ok.. shall buck up.. complete those tht i have not done.. so tht i can enjoy my hols wiith my "famili".. =)
5 more days n counting..
Jiayou.
Labels: Fear...
| a simple day. 11/30/2009 01:30:00 AM
-----------------------------------
Sunday, November 29, 2009
Things haven being working out right since last wk..
Bad mood, bad day.. everything's bad when a day is started lidat..
How can i dun be late for so many things? Till now i can't figure out a way..
Maybe ppl are right? I shouldn't tk up so many things.. tht i can't reach this bank as well as the other.. can't do anything right if i want to do so many things at a time. So should i tk out some of my interests? Should i quit b4 i even start?
Juz received a letter to go for a briefing tht i've signed up for sometime ago.. still thinking whether should i go ahead.. initially i thot i should be able to cope as the course runs at nite and only 2 days per week.. but now.. looking at the work load n things on my schedule as well as things tht had happened.. i'm nt sure anymore..
Decision still pending..
My today is totally screwed. Totally.
=(
| a simple day. 11/29/2009 10:57:00 PM
-----------------------------------
Saturday, November 28, 2009
I was very happy yesterday.. becos it was hols.. dun have to face ppl i dun feel like being ard with.. can do wadeva i like to do.. thanx alot to qy and secret pal for contributing to the experience =)
We learnt guitar yesterday! Over at qy's hse.. =) Dunno y after the guitar session i felt very very relax.. was very lethargic since wed nite.. whole body was very very tired.. but after the session yesterday, it's like.. i finally found sth other than running that can mk me smile.. mk me put my heart into it.. music helps i guess.
My 1st song taught by qy, 浪花一朵朵 =) A very cute n sweet song =)
我要你陪着我看着那海龟水中游
慢慢的趴在沙滩上数着浪花一朵朵
你不要害怕你不会寂寞
我会一直陪在你的左右
让你乐悠悠
日子一天一天过我们会慢慢长大
我不管你懂不懂我在想什么噢
我知道有一天你一定会爱上我
因为我觉得我真的很不错噢
时光匆匆匆匆流走也也也不回头
美女变成老太婆哎哟那那那个时候
我我我我也也已经是个糟老头
啦...啦...我们一起手牵手
啦...啦...数着浪花一朵朵
Thanx alot alot Shifu QY =D
Gg to learn life saving this sun from another shifu =)
Today is run n cycle day =) I have a whole day to myself =)
| a simple day. 11/28/2009 11:40:00 AM
-----------------------------------
Thursday, November 26, 2009
Last wk was packed.. fully packed. So packed tht i couldn't even take a breath.
Wed was the long awaited combined PT. N.. it was raining initially.. heavily in fact. Started off by climbrun route, doing sets along the way. Went to the open field at blk n. Sat on each others laps like doing a horse-stance and we were told to walk lidat till we cross a line which seems so near yet so far. Run around sch doing funny things. Scale walls with the help of macho guys in our club. But this time i know how to mk things easier. We have to use our own arm strength to push ourselves up instead of putting all our wt on the guys palms.. ouch.. very tough on them. Went to the soccer field after tht.. did some stupid yet tiring stunts like hopping over 1 another.. rolling on our backs on 1 another.. yes.. in the mud. Lol.. dirty.. but i enjoyed every moment of it. How often will u get to dirty urself like this? Mus have 天时，地利，人和 1.. plus if u do alone will feel very embarrass.. but doing tgt.. who cares wad others tink of us.. i bet they wanted to join us too.. Lol~
After tht came my worst fear. Last yr i re-do 3 times and 害 every1 do push up becos i said a "Huh". This yr.. well.. we were suppose to scale a wall.. to get 35 of us all over w/o our body & clothes touching the wall in 10 mins. We form 2 grps of Die Luo Han..failed for the 1st time. But we succeeded the 2nd time. This time i had much more confidence in myself. Last yr i was scared. Scared tht i will put too much wt on ppl. But this yr, nt tht i'm lighter, i just know tht i have to do this fast if nt the more i hesitate, the more pain i will inflict on other ppl. Every1 did a gd job. =) The finale was cool. 4gt isit Edmund n secret pal lifted pk off the ground like helicopter doing rescue.. lol..
The real finale.. running 2.4km.. with a stretcher + wts + 35 bottles of H-2-O + ice box + ice. Ard 50kg. Every1 took turns in carrying. The 5 hrs PT ended with 340 of buddha claps. Celebrated with playing of ice and drinking of icy cold H-2-O. =) Satisfaction.. comes with muscle aches for the next 3 days.
Mitting was on thu. Had to get a lot of things done. It's us, yr 3's last event le. Must do 得轰轰烈烈.. =) Others may not understand.. juz hope tht our hard work and wiseman's meticulous planning goes well. =)
Fri was the nite. The nite tht we stayed over to set up the climbrun route and prepare everything for the run the next day. We started out by packing the goodie bags.. we are macham factory workers.. creating a human chain of goodies for the bag.. *smiles* Some paste route sticker.. some put barriers ard sch.. like an ADC overnite camp. At nite, I couldn't sleep. Becos i felt sad. Very very sad. I dunno y. But juz very very sad. Maybe becos of some "events".. but it's all over le.. 雨过天晴.. i hope. Pls stay 幸福。Happiness isn't as of right. No matter what, dun give up on each other. Muz treasure. Cos it's very very hard to find some1 whom u like who have the mutual feelings.
Haiz.. dunno wad i talking also. Juz a sudden passing thot.
Anyway, sat was Climbrun 09'. Fortunately and unfortunately, the participation rate wasn't tht high.. Less complications but of cos, the 气氛 wasn't very gd with tht "many" ppl.. All in all, it was a gd race. Thanx to the garlic and chili, the weather was fine n everything ended well with no injuries and problems. My last time working with qy le. My 1st time organising also with qy. Me n noh were her logistic assistant.. Lol.. tht time we were still "young" in these events.. have no idea what to expect n do.. luckily qy guided us..
Sun I went to cycle myself. Wanted to be on my own. It's a very long time ago since i had some "me-time".. I needed it badly. That was 1 of the times i just want to be left alone. Becos having ppl u know yet u are nt close with ard u is a torture sometimes n tht's wad it had being for the past wk. It's been months and i have alr gotten used to being alone. Used to want to be ard ppl. Even if it's hi-bye frens. But now, no more. My happiness has grown independent. It doesn't nid to depend on having ppl ard me to kp me company. There isn't much things to be happy about yet there aren't things tht are sad enough to mk me cry like i did. Or rather i've grown numb. Dunno, but I'm contented enuff lidat i guess. The onli ppl i miss gg out with i guess is my "famili".
Tue was when i'm finally back in action. Muscle aches from combined PT have fully recovered + have said tht will be gg for a run with superwoman. But.. this time wasn't long run.. it's 8 X 800m intervals.. superwoman did 3.5 mins while i did 4 n for the last 3 rounds i lagged to 4min 10 secs.. my timing sucks i know.. and after the run was super tired.. but it made me happy. Yeah, running is the only thing tht can mk me smile from the heart rite now.
This morning woke up having muscle aches again but i know i will still be running today. After all u nid to over load urself to improve isn't it? Met up with gal this afternoon. Had a little chat. Like so so long nvr see her ard.. but can really see her life's better off now. At least less troubles =) I'm happy for her as well cos i myself still wasn't able to concentrate.. glad tht she can mk it =) ALE! Must buck up for the rest of ur yrs in NYP =)
After tht was 4.8 km jogging for me. Planned to go for 9.6km but i saw my juniors starting to do intervals on the track le so joined them. We completed 5 x 400m today. After which we did a few sets at the long staircase follow by carrying of "casualties" to n fro at the carpark. Tht was fun. =) After PT ended, went on with another round ard sch.. 6.4km clocked.. = 14.8km clocked this wk. 45.2km more..
Jiayou j.mf.
Some1 told me i've changed. I guess i've figured out what u mean.
| a simple day. 11/26/2009 01:09:00 AM
-----------------------------------
Friday, November 13, 2009
Had a bz wkend.
Last Fri celebrated Xinyi's bdae at kbox cineleisure overnite. It's the only kbox outlet tht open throughout the nite.. ric there early so went to watch "Love Happens" till 12am. The nite life there is.. wow.. like since when can u see so many ppl still ard at the middle of the nite. The movie was so-so onli.. cos the other movies tht are interesting are either sold out or ll watching the next day le so cannt watch.. it was freaking cold in there.. but nvm lah.. it's the 2nd movie i've watch with xinyi.. lol.. so nice to be watching movie with classmates.. cos we seldom go watch movies tgt.. next up.. take neoprint n a shop at cineleisure. Nice nice.. though becos we dun reali noe hw to use the machine so didn't manage to decorate our photos properly.. will upload the pics when i have more time. Kbox was fun. 12am to 6am.. though it's reali very ex.. but bdae 1 yr onli once.. must 过得开开心心 =) Pat K.O 1st.. next LL.. xinyi n me were the 1s who dominated the mikes.. Lol.. Well.. we had fun =) Went to overnite at PAt's house.. actualli.. should be over-morning.. by the time we reached Pat's house was alr 7 plus am.. i had only an hour sleep and had to head back sch for adventure module tht wiseman is taking us for..
Sat morning, no1 in sch. No 1 at the Napfa area as well. Half thot tht i've been to the wrong venue again. My worries was redundant. 4gt tht this is not ATC training. It's only our 2nd session tgt with ppl who are not in ADC. Eyes are 1/2 closing till wiseman and some of the participants appeared. Started to warm up with an ice breaker game. The rest of the day was spent at the adventure park.
We started out with doing the high elements. Thank god the whole day was a sunny day except for a little drizzle in the afternoon. I've learnt alot of things throughout the day. Seen 2 rescues done by wiseman. He reali kps his cool when things happen. The 2 incidents were participants being stuck at the multi-vine. There's this participant call Yin Ci whom i personally admire alot. Her 1st time doing our adv park yet she's the 1 who kept encouraging her frens even to the extent of doing the elements again to "save" her fren. Another 1 was Rosaline. She's in my team during ADC's orientation! No wonder i find her so familiar. She's a sporty person. Also join marathons. Yessa. Have a new running fren =)
Enjoyed running to n fro in between the storerm n the park. Enjoy tht i'm able to help at last. Happy tht i'm nt useless. Happy tht i've found back abit of my confidence in doing things.
The module ended ard 5 plus close to 6pm. Had a bathe and went to join my juniors at West Coast Park after tht.
Thanx to Jon, i finally "found" them at Pandan Gdn.. joined them for a while. Feeling abit guilty becos i didn't walked with them throughout the hike. Adventure module is a must since i've signed up for it alr as 1 of my elective. Not that i purposely choose adventure, but becos the Napfa module was all taken up by guys n the other 2 choices are to attend talks which i am totally not interested in.. Well.. guilty seeing all of them tired and shack n i'm the only 1 still looking "alive".. Walked from pandan gdn to west coast park with them.. cooked dinner with them, take some pics for them, debrief then sleep on 1 of the bench in the park. Though i've nt walked the same distance as them but i've nt slp for the past 48hrs as well.. fell aslp immediately when my head touch my bag (pillow for the nite).
Nxt morning.. woke up at 6.20am.. oh no.. i know i'll be late for real run.. didn't get to say goodbye to them as they were in the midst of PT.. tried to get a cab but couldnt as west coast park is quite secluded at tht time. Took a bus to jurong west and took a cab. The meter seems to jump very fast. By the time i ric changi, it's alr $30! It's reali nt my day.. there was road block at tht area and the uncle had to drive all the way around to changi jetty there. There's rd block there as well n i have to walk 2km into the starting point.. -_-" with my big bag.. N 1 more thing, i didn't have enough cash to pay for the cab and the taxi driver told me the nets machine can't be use for the moment.. luckily he's kind enough to let me go for the run 1stn collect the money from me lata. Thank you uncle =)
Walk as fast as i could into the conventional hall. Next unlucky thing - baggage deposit has closed. -_-" Lucky no. 2, the massage station ppl allow me to put my bag there. Grabbed my mp3 and started running towards the start point. I started exactly 1hr late than the flag off time. The whole route only left me and 3 other ppl who were also late. It's a good thing if u look on the brighter side becos the whole road is urs. It's no longer the crammed road during races and u can run freely at ur own pace and nt squeeze with other runners.. changi coastal way had a beautiful sight. The leaves on the trees were red and green in color. The road looks like those in korean shows with leaves falling onto the ground. Beautiful. But also i'm abit paiseh. Cos i'm like the last person.. Cross the 10km mark in 1 hr =) Tht's sth i'm happy of becos my 10km has always been 1hr 7 min. Over took the last 3 gals at changi beach.. became less paiseh.. finally reach the end point with a timing of 1hr 38mins =)
It's not a very fast timing. It's normal. In fact it's quite slow. But i've improved from last yr. Last yr's timing was 2hrs 13mins.. most probably becos i jus started participating in runs. Nt enough training + i started with a lot of ppl at the flag off time.
I will work harder to improve more nxt yr (^^)Y
Ganbatte j.mf =)
Tue, the trip to the dental was disappointing. Thot my braces can be removed but the dentist said still nid a month. =( But nvm, 1 more mth i can smile widely w/o any worries =D
Wed, atc was fun. Went down our flying fox for the 1st time. Secret pal taught me how to rig up the pulley for it. Though i'm still not very familiar with it. Thanx =) After adv park, PT was a run to AMK town garden. The whole bunch of us were singing songs along the way.. "I want nobody nobody but u *clap clap* " Lol.. "My bonnie lies over the ocean, my bonnie lies over the sea.." The run was short. But i enjoyed it. Enjoyed the breeze n the cool nite air. N enjoy.. becos it was with my juniors. =)
Fri, we had logistic clean up day. Hear my juniors singing again.. lol.. i tink it's started by edmund.. most probably.. =p "Nasi wa wu ji ba ban.." *laughs* The amazing fact is.. Fandy sang along too! Haha.. Me n char were like.. -_-" They juz can't stop for a moment. but actually.. i reali enjoy hearing them sing. It cheers up the day n mk working less boring.
Had dinner wif my famili @ S11.. I miss S11. Though i dun reali have any specific thing tht i like to eat there. I juz miss the times we had there during august. When every1 was still in sch. When every1 wasn't so bz. I juz.. ya.. nvm.. it's ok..
Decide to take a walk back home from amk.. met jon n kishen on jon's scooter.. so took a lift 1/2 way back home =) So niceeeee =) My 3rd time sitting on a bike. 1st time was fufu. 2nd n 3rd time was jon's. I want to learn bike too.. if only i'm allow to..
Honestly speaking, I screwed up with the whole of this wk. I don't understand my body. I want it to work. To wake up. To move. But i can't seem to get it moving this wk. I disappeared for 3 days. Nt on purpose.
N for the 4th day, i was so lethargic tht i practically slept throughout RK's lesson. I dunno y myself too. Can't get myself to run this wk either. There always seem to be sth on tht i must forgo my run for. Tue, there's dental app. Wed there's atc training. Thu, there's meeting. Fri there's log clean up. Sat there's.. sth on. When can i get a gd run? Unless i can force myself to wake up real early.
Nvm. Next wk will be better with some of the loads off my shoulder n mind. *Cross fingers*
许多问号在心里，但已经不再想问为什么了..
| a simple day. 11/13/2009 11:30:00 PM
-----------------------------------
Thursday, November 5, 2009
最近好忙。虽然对于最近所发生的事，感触很多。但都忙得都没时间把它们记下。
很惭愧。上个礼拜，j.mf 差一点又回到那个不懂事的她 。一心只想玩，想放下这里的一切去玩几天。其实，不是没有挣扎过，不是没有考虑过后果。。还好最后还是打消了这个念头。因为看着自己写给自己的承诺。也因为知道曾经帮过我的他和她会对我很失望。
做了决定，心里好像放下一块大石。
好。下个礼拜会更好 =)
Last wk went to interview at megazip. The interview requires us to get onto the high element there. We choose the topmost level. Honestly speaking, i was quite scared. I am juz a teeny weeny bit afraid of heights. Kp gg to 4th floor of sch and look down. Trying to "feel" n imagine what is it like to walk at such heights. Trying to adapt. In the end, the fear was redundant.
Appeared to be relax. But actualli my heart is thundering inside. My 1st step out was shaking. Legs shaking. 2nd step better. 3rd step : All fears lifted by the magnificent view. Began playing around with each other.. joking etc. By tht time, i've alr forgotten how high i am above ground. Lol.. 12 obstacles altogether. Quite easy n fun except for the broken bridge. Looking at how the others play, my fear came back. Becos will lose our central of gravity once u step onto the small pc of wood. Honestly, I'm scared though i appeared nt to. ~.~ Did sth nt very appropriate. Regretted. Ok, i will nt do it again. Starting work soon. Abit scared becos i'm nt confident of doing things right. Ttsh, i nid ur confidence... haiz..
Last wk, ran 32km, cycled 32km.. this wk, i've clocked 37km alr (n 10km is with yanchang=)) =) At least will run 52km this wk becos i'm joining real run on sun =)
This tue i "recce" the route from sch to hougang.. it's actualli quite easy to walk as the route mostly all the way straight.. had a nice 1.75hr walk home in the cooling night air.. "kboxed" down the quiet quiet street.. lol.. cos no1 was there n the vehicles on the road were mking alot of noise.. no1 can actually hear u sing even if there is ppl.. enjoy myself =) Cos very relax
This wkend is a bzbz wkend. Fri will be whole day sch till 6pm. After which i have 3 choices: Dinner with my "famili", 1/2 island hike with my juniors n celebrate xinyi's bdae by overniting at kbox for her.. Of cos.... my priority is for XINYI =D
HAPPY BDAE XINYI (aka melody, melina, mandy, kimmy, crystal) =D My fri nite n sat morning is dedicated to u! Lol~ Overnite at kbox.. + LL n Pat. 1 yr older le, must be happy happy de, k (^^) Y
Sat, also gt 3 choices. Only can choose 1 or maybe 2.. Morning mus go for adventure module. Can learn n help wiseman to do things also.. Afternoon if gt break can pop by food lab to see ice cream workshop run by superwoman.. after adventure module joining the juniors for their 1/2 island hike in the evening.. 3 events in 1 day.. wow.. but actually i'm abit scared of being more of a hindrance than help.. cos i'm nt really confident of wad i do.. =( Ttsh, i rmb u say must have confidence. Working is like running. I rmb. Ok, I shall work like when i'm running. =)
N on sun will be real run.. dunno whr will i be in the morning cos dunno whr they hike to.. totally no idea of how am i gg to get to changi convention hall.. lol.. shutter bus? Nt sure.. haiz..
真的很想回到过去。 回到八月份。那时，虽然是我最伤心但也最开心的时候。可是想，也只是想而已。。时间是不可能倒流的吧。。
| a simple day. 11/05/2009 03:44:00 PM
-----------------------------------