+me

name.James.Ming Fei
gender.GaL
age.21
dob.26 jUl Leo-ian
school.NYP.Food.SciEnce
am.nature-lover
family.jaMes.fAmiLy & gIaM
buddies.many

lurves.
.james.famili
.sky
.clouds
.mountains
.waterfalls
.close.frens
.kbox
.all.sports

what i want.
.simple.life
.confidence
.trust
.dream.job
.nth else

what i don't want.
.false.frens
.ficker.minds
.lies
.tk.things.for.granted.ppl

Saturday, October 31, 2009

At this late late hr.. 我想要说。。



Results of TNF 100's out! =)



Waiting n waiting for the notification email. Didn't expect it to be out online alr =)



Our team ranked 119th among the 276 teams with a timing of 3hrs 28mins, 15.48 split secs each =)



Individual ranking of 234th n 235th out of 576 runners =)



My new motivation to continue running longer distances. 我可以。 一定可以 =)


Though i've said it b4.. 我还是想要说，Thanx future CID.. =)



1st time for so many months tht my post has this much of smiley faces.. lol.. =)

开心。 Hoi sum =) Happy =)

Jiayou. =)

| a simple day. 10/31/2009 01:57:00 AM
-----------------------------------




Thursday, October 29, 2009

It has been 5 days since the race. That day was a tiring but fulfiling day.. TNF 100 - 50km duo category..

completed 25km in 3hrs 28mins.. wif wei teck.


Met alot of frens.. long lost fren from running lab, frens whom i dun even know i noe them..lol.. n of cos frens from rp n np's adventure club (Jia hui, Wen li, Ryuta n 2 more whom i 4gt their names le..)


My 1st official long distance race in macritchie.. the last time i was here running my 2nd cross-country was like 4 yrs ago with my track n field mates. N the distance was onli 3.2km. Terrain wasn't as rocky as this becos 1.6km is in the "jungle" whereas we were led into the pavement along the reservoir for the last 1.6km..



4 yrs w/o training in this terrain at this distance. Didn't kn0w if can mk it anot.


Aimed to reach the finishing point by 2hrs 50mins.. as my timing for 21km on straight road was 2hrs 20mins. But didn't realise the difference was tht great between running on a straight path n a rocky, slopy terrain.




The run began quite leisurely.. pace was gd n everything.. moreover there were alot of ppl jogging in front of us so initially we could onli walk. It's a common thing to experience during races esp when this trail is very narrow. Till when the gaps began to widen, we started running. At 1st it was fine. Till we begin to hit slopes. I slowed down alot alot. In fact, i began to walk. Thanx to wei teck who kp on gg strong as well as "pushing" me along.. nt literally.. but it's encouraging to hear some1 tell u to jiayou when u reali reali feel like giving up, esp on the 45 degree steep slope of bukit timah hill. I've nvr being pushed to such limits before during my own trainings.. maybe i didn't push myself hard enuff.. maybe i always run alone.. maybe i didn't aim high enuff.

Finished the race as a team. 3 hrs 28mins. Was asking myself along the way y do i like to torture myself so much. That was the question i asked myself too during the 30th km at sundown with qy. But at the end, the satisfaction was a great reward.



Yes, i would like to torture myself again. =)


For the rest of the day till the nxt afternoon couldn't eat anything except fruits n water. Guess i was dehydrated. Lol..



Went to queensway with 3 of my "famili" members on sun. There i met my "idol" no. 3.

A 68 -yr-old uncle. He was 2nd for Osim triathlon a few yrs back joining the veteran category. Still running standard chartered with a timing of 4hrs 3 mins.


Since my 1st run, 1/2 army 08', which was also whr i 1st met yanchang's mum, i've been asking myself n a few other ppl whether at this age, will u still be running? Will I...still be running? The thing worth to idolize this uncle is because at his age he can still perservere on. Guilty to say i've told myself sometimes tht i juz want to give up running le. Like some1 said b4, after a long and tedious race, "The thought of running again seems tiring.." N me, who have only ran 1/2 the distance of hers was thinking the same. Maybe i dun have enuff determination then. This uncle rekindled my passion for running again. Thanx uncle. I will continue running.


Started running again on tue. After the aches began to lessen. 8km around sch.


Yesterday I found a new place to run. From sch to lower seletar reservoir. It wasn't reali new to me as i've been there twice but nvr had the courage to run alone there for fear of getting lost. Dunno what came over me. Took my phone n juz went out to run towards there. Jon told me to juz follow the mrt track towards the right.


*The secret is to not bring ez-link or money. Juz a hp n me. Becos then u wun have the mindset of tking a bus back.. lol..*


Enjoyed the run myself.






Completed the 10km route. Came back for canteen 2 canteen trial run. aka C2C.


This run is a very interesting run. Very fun also. We were given an hr to run from mac to north then to mac again. 10 person in a team. Sth like a relay. See hw many rounds can each team complete in an hr.


Our team ran 54 rounds in total. Average each person ran 5.5 rounds around the 2 fountains between mac n south. It sounds like alot but becos nt running continuously so it doesn't seem very long in the end but it's a bit tiring as we (tried) to sprint.





Another 2 events tht we've being promoting these wks.. pls support us (^^)


Went for another 3.2km ard sch.



In total, 14km clocked today =)


Trying to clock my 60km every wk now as a form of training for stan-chart. Hope i can stick to this routine.


Nothing, no1, no place is in my mind now. I just want to concentrate on my running. Tht's all i want for now.



38km more to go for this wk.


Signed up for sth on wed. Nt sure if i can commit. But will try to. It's gonna be a 9 mth course. Am i gg for sure? Have until the time they call me up to think abt it. Sure gonna be a new learning route..

"No 1 can stop u unless u stop urself. No1 can push u unless u push urself." -JJ

Jia you mf.

| a simple day. 10/29/2009 04:57:00 PM
-----------------------------------




Saturday, October 24, 2009

It's late le. N in a couple of hours the race will start. But i can't slp.

My 1st TNF 100. Though i'm nt supergal, gg for the 25km instead of 50km.

Dunno y i'm getting butterflies in my stomach the whole day 2day.. a bit scared i can't mk it.. my inferior thinking is like filling the whole brain of mine. Didn't tell alot of ppl who i'm gonna race with cos nt many of them know him either.. another thing is dun want to throw his face lah.. Like uncle jj jokingly said,"you run with her dunnid to run le lah.." I know it's juz a joke.. but lata i reali run very very slow hw? Dunno y this fear is there even though i gt train usually.. it's like i'm gg back to last yr's sep..my 1st 10km run for 1/2 army.. i'm so not myself the whole day tht i went to run 6.4km in sch jus nw.. i must have been crazi.. but somehw the running mks me feel beta..

I rmb i told some others b4 tht as a team mate there's no nid to fear the throwing of face for each other 1. If scared throw face or scared last position then we wun even agree to be team mates in the beginning le. ok. At least i reminded myself. Dunno y isit so easy to encourage others but when come to myself.. haiz..nvm, i shall try my best. =)

Today should be a happy day. At least, it ended happy for me =)

1,2,3,4,5,6,7..
yi, er, san, si, wu, liu, QI..
satu, dua, tiga, empat, lima, enam, TUJUH...
ichi, ni, san, shi, go, roku, SHICHI..

haha.. okok, enuff of counting.. 2day we finally have all our famili members dining tgt again! Everi1's present =D Tht's wad worth happy for. At least tired for a whole day le can sit down n talk n laugh n eat like b4.. The past wk was like totalli no news of 1 another.. no news of turtle shell, no news of bong, no news of princess.. but 2day was like, reunion dinner.. =) I like.

If only today can be photocopied.. i want 10,000,000,000 copies of it.

I'm sorry. Don't know y i can't talk to some1 straight in the eyes. Talking like mumbling lidat. Die le. Actualli alot of things to say but then suddenly 4gt wad to say. Again. Lost my tongue. Like every words tht come out of me are jumbled up. Dun tink ani1 can understand either.

Nvm. I shall nt repeat my mistake again. Try.

Focus, j.mf, focus. Dun tink too much.

Gonna slp soon. 2day is gonna be a lucky day. Cross-fingers.

Jiayou for the peeps gg interview 2mr..

Jiayou for every racers in TNF 100 as well..

Jiayou j.mf =)

| a simple day. 10/24/2009 12:40:00 AM
-----------------------------------




Thursday, October 22, 2009

Long time since i've last blog.. partly becos i'm bz wif sch stuff, sch reopening etc.. though there doesn't reali seems to be so much so much to be bz abt.. but yet it juz seems so much so much.. looking at the timetable i have, at 1st was.. wow.. great.. though everyday nid to ric sch at 9am.. but we dun have a lot of few hrs break in between.. so will end early for a few days.. at least earlier than i expect.. but there's some shifting done and 2 hrs of food business tutorial added to monday's schedule.. n 2 hrs of advanced food chem tutorial on fri.. wishful thinking of mine tht we will be able to leave at 2pm every mon.. haha.. and many many journals to review.. many many projs on hand.. oh no..



A few days before sch reopen, i was asked by a few ppl whether i've any new expectations of myself in my last sem.. what am i gonna do in the future etc.. nt tht i've nt being thinking.. in fact i've being thinking since the beginning of this yr.. initially tht was the dream job for me.. it's wad i like to do, the place i learn, the place i would love to live in n love to interact with other kids in.. this dream had always being in my heart ever since the start of adventure training.. looking at other trainers gg in camps as instructors.. imparting the skills tht they've learnt to other kids.. hearing their interesting stories.. i know.. it's nt all abt fun if u r an instructor inside.. n tht's nt all i'm looking for either in the 1st place.. but as time goes by, i'm taunted.


I'm scared.



Nt of the tough trainings to come. Nt of the pressure. Nt of standing under the hot sun for many hrs n getting burnt. N definitely, nt of tireness. But of lack of time. Time for my famili. My frens. The fear of drifting apart. Fear tht when they are free but i'm nt. Fear tht we will become the strangers we once were.


It's easy to say. "There will be times for us to come out tgt.." "U will have new frens in thr.. frens come n go..others will do too.." I ask myself y do i get so emotional sometimes.. y do they tk up so much space in my heart.. such tht there are times tht i tell myself i would rather stop pursuing wad i want than to lose them.. "just get a normal 9 to 5 job n u can go out anytime after tht.." tht's wad i was told.. but this is nt the kinda life i want as it's meaningless to me. Isit becos my passion is nt enuff so my heart had shaken? Or have i nt lay my priorities rite? It's nt easy. At all.



Dare to dream. Must be daring enough to carry out as well. Dare to live your dreams. Turtleshell said b4 n he is living his dreams now. I dunno whr am i gg to get tht courage from. But for now, i know i still love what i'm doing. It's just tht fear tht i nid to overcome tht's all. Love for adventure n sports have nvr die once b4. Nvr. Ever since it had entered my life during my pri sch life.

As for new expectations for these last few months of poly life, i dare not mk any.. nt tht i have none to begin with.. but i didn't want to mk empty promises, even if it's to myself. All i can do now is to plan. N follow closely.

Honestly speaking, i haven been adapting to sch life as fast as i expect. I couldn't wake up in time for sch.. still adjusting.. couldn't kp myself awake in some of the lectures.. the sleeping virus is slowly creeping in again. N i know i have to depend on ppl to wake me up.

Improvements tht i plan to mk:

Print out lecture notes earlier. (Printed le..)

Put them in a file with dividers n place them in sch locker so tht i wun 4gt to brg. (Sorting out 2mr)

Finish the journal reviews 1st as these few wks are less tight on projs n reports. (By next wk hopefully..)

So far i can onli tink of these.. but for this sem, this last sem, i reali want to prove to myself tht i can be the student i once was in yr 1. I want to be less blur. Walk into the correct venues of lectures at the correct time. I just want to shout out tht - I nid help. Seriously. Thanx to some of my classmates who kp reminding me n nudging me awake during lectures..

I am a FULL TIME diploma in adventure club food science student for now till the end of my study yrs in NYP. This is what i kp reminding myself even b4 the reopening of sch. No time for sch shall be spent for the club. Strictly. J.mf, pls be 乖.



A lot of other things are troubling me. So much tht i've been stoning more than usual lately.. so much so tht i nid a lot of quiet time to myself.. Maybe i'm reali tinking too much. Come to think of it if ppl treat me bad but i treat them back the same way aren't i as bad as they are becos i know it doesn't feels gd.. Kp asking ods "我是不是很没良心?" Guilt fills me when i say hurting things.. when i mk certain decisions.. becos tht is nt me. But i tell myself i dun want to be the old me.. the old me who doesn't know how to say "No.". The old me whose life revolves onli abt ppl who dunno hw to treasure..



Simply saying, i dun want to fall again.



Sometimes i reali loath my character.



1st, i'm too straight-forward. Such tht sometimes i'm too frank in what i say. I juz speak out wad's on my mind. 2nd, i find it reali hard to hide. Whether is dislike or like or angry with some1, i show it all over my face. Can't control the way i feel. There's once i even nid XP to remind me dun over-react.. lucky for xp's msg, if nt the nite would have being worst than it alr was.. it takes sometime for me to realize tht - if u hate tht person u once loved, it juz goes to show u still have feelings for them. But if there's no feelings left, u could have face them directly, talk to them w/o difficulties. Juz like an acquaintance. Acquaintance. Yes. Tht's all tht i've felt these few wks.



"Hurt doesn't subsides till hating stops." Maybe i should have told B y am i angry with "it" right from the start.. but this will onli lead to more explanations, more excuses.. to cover the ugly truths.. I prefer nt to listen. Anymore.



There's so much more to relationships. More than just sweet-talking. More than juz doing the things u enjoy doing tgt. Even more than holding hands n gg thru the most difficult times tgt.. Looking at the relationships ard me, mostly, it's seeing 2 frens becoming 2 strangers after a failed 1. Sad tht 2 ppl who used to share memories, who used to talk abt almost anything under the sun become 2 strangers who will feel awkward to look at each other straight in the eye again.

"True love is not abt finding the perfect person. But abt learning to look at the imperfect person perfectly."

A simple line i saw on a giodano tee. Simple yet it tells alot.

There's onli this 1 couple i wish tht they will last very very long. Admire her for being so strong in a relationship tht actualli cannt be known. Admire her for the courage to tell every1 tht this is the person she is in love with. Admire her tht she is able to express her thots freely to the 1 she love.. well.. add oil =) Dun give up. It's not easy to find some1 who will treasure u the way u should be. Some1 whose feelings are mutual. So dun give up =)




Last fri, was chatting wif a friend on msn.. chat till i cried. I was laughing yet crying at the same time. I dunno y.. Laughing, most probably becos our conversation was a funny 1.. Crying.. most probably..

becos i miss u.

becos after so long, even w/o seeing u, this feeling still cannt fade away.

ok, at least they are happy tears..


有时候我也会碰到不如意

宁愿哈哈大笑也不要哭哭啼啼

付出去的感情就算都没有回应

可以碰到你已经觉得非常幸运


失败做错了也没什么关系

换个发型或是唱唱歌发泄情绪

不要浪费时间一直躲在后悔里

要找回那颗不认输的心



决定要做的事情不要轻易受打击

今天不行还有明天可以

决定要谈的爱情不要随便就放弃

幸福全部要靠自己去努力争取



J.mf will continue to smile everyday =) Ganbatte (^^)



For nw, i want to train myself to be stronger.. must train harder.. only aft sch hrs. Promise. Dear ankle, pls dun give way 2mr.. be 乖 ok?



TNF 100 will be 2mr. The race i've being looking 4wards to. Superwoman n Jia hui will be joining too.. many many luck =)



As for my team.. ta-DA.. it's turtleshell n me =) J.wt n J.mf will complete the race n get the finisher medals =D

"It's ok to go slow. As long as we don't stop, we will reach the end."

Jia you everi1!!

| a simple day. 10/22/2009 04:20:00 PM
-----------------------------------




Thursday, October 15, 2009

Last wk, after i came back from stong, training resume. A few pics haven update.. taken from a few wks before.. presenting to u guys my juniors =) Excluding Mr Faris Bulan cos he's my batch mate.. haha.. but u are rmbed =) Well.. i like my juniors alot alot.. they are a very nice bunch of monkeys.. playful.. naughty.. haha.. but they are caring.. nice ppl.. frenly.. sensible at times.. Juz like to be ard them.. alot alot.. =)



Last wkend went to JB w/ my famili to shop n eat n walk walk.. the below is the dish i like the most... =) n this is the onli pic i have on my hp.. =p

presenting Tie Ban Toufu...


Neoprint 1 we took..

| a simple day. 10/15/2009 08:41:00 PM
-----------------------------------




Wednesday, October 14, 2009

A song i heard outside clubrm today n felt like putting it down here and a story i heard fr a fren..

Day after day, time pass away
And I just can't get you off my mind
Nobody knows, I hide it inside
I keep on searching but i can't find
The courage to show to letting you know
I've never felt so much love before
And once again I'm thinkin' about
Takin' the easy way out

But if I let you go
I will never know
What my life would be
holding you close to me
Will I ever see you smiling back at me
How will I know if I let you go

Night after night, I hear myself say
Why can't this feeling just fade away
There's no one like you
You speak to my heart
It's such a shame, we're worlds apart
I'm too shy to ask, I'm too proud to lose
But sooner or later I've gotta choose
And once again I'm thinkin' about
Taking the easy way out

But if I let you go
I will never know what my life would be
Holding you close to me
Will I ever see you smiling back at me
How will I know
If I let you go

If I let you go, oh baby

once again I'm thinkin' about
Takin' the easy way out

But if I let you go
I will never know

What my life would be holding you close to me
(close to me)

Will I ever see you smiling back at me

How will I know if I let you go




十月的雨提早在九月份下了。

突如其来的暴风雨把措手不及的蓝天给淋湿了。

蓝天这才发现自己早就爱上云。

但还来不及对它说，它就已化为雨点了。

是不是太迟了？

| a simple day. 10/14/2009 01:22:00 PM
-----------------------------------




Monday, October 5, 2009

Back again.. from stong.



It's a nice trip, getting to know ppl out of the club.



It's also a trip tht reveals all tht nids to be reveal. Abt human nature. To protect 1self. Some goes along with it while some defies it for the benefits of others.

Well..

The trip didn't start quite well as i'm sick even b4 i'm on the train n the day after i'm on the train i lost my voice. Lost it to a flu. Coughing badly. N w/o them by me this time. I hate this feeling. Feeling of missing ppl n wishing they were there wif me. Looking on the brighter side, they are indeed wif me all the time. In my heart. Thanx to ain, elina, sandy n lovell. They made the nite more bearable with their smiles n chats. Nt 4gtting noh who kp "irritating" me n mking me laugh until i finali slp.. haha.. resolution for this trip made tht nite

- I'm gonna mk the best out of everything.

Smile, j.mf.

Day 2:

Woke up the next day morning wif a hoarse throat. We were told to carry our bagpacks n standby at 5.40am as the train will onli stop for 2mins for us to "jump" out.. however, we waited n waited n waited.. the train nvr did stop till 6.45am.. so we were carrying n putting down our bagpacks for tht 1 hr -_-" haha..ok..human error.. the train doesn't stop on time sometimes..

Stopped at Dabong. It looks the same as b4. With all the chicken walking n crowing ard.. day breaks very soon n we had our breakfast at a malay store. Miss the prata we had last yr across the railway track..

Sill rmb last yr i bought a prata for my 4eva secret pal - min. But he alr ordered his n couldn't finish mine. In the end it was shared amg his table.

Still rmb secret pal fed the chicken with chicken meat n the chicken actualli ate it.

Still rmb me n yanchang tk a photo with the dabong signage. Rene, yanchang n me tk a photo outside of the souvenir store.

Yo is our guide again this time. The surprising thing is - he actualli still recognise me =) Amazing memory, esp when he has taken so many ppl up n down stong all these while. It's nice to be rmbed. Though it's onli my face nt my name.. haha.. went caving after meeting yo.. this time the caves were nt full of leeches anymore.. I realli rmb the there was a lot of leeches on the rocks of the cave before we enter it cos loretta gt 1 on her leg tht time n qy helped her to sweep it away.. but this time there wasn't. Some of the things had changed. But most hasn't. Still saw the "nike" shoe. Still see the column tht resembles a dagger. Still see the monkey face. But this time missed the explanation of the guide. Missed the story-telling part. Perhaps becos we were at the back.. tk quite some pics in the cave wif shuqi, yanwen n fadilah.. my new found frens =) They are extremely gd companions when we are trekking.. will update abit more on tht as i go along..

After the caving, we began our journey up to stong base camp. Split into 3 grps. My grp mates: Jonathan, henry, Fiq, Ain, Shuqi, Fadilah, Jovin, Chester, Halifah, Haidar, Suhaimi, me n wiseman. Dunno if i've missed out any. @ the beginning it was quiet. Very quiet. Guess we've nt "warm up" to each other yet. But after a while, we started talking abit.. quiet was nt a bad thing actualli. Get to hear the sounds ard u. Get to see the sceneries w/o distractions.. along the way some ppl fell as well.. some gt bumps, some gt cramps.. but my team mates were gd. None of them whine. None of them cry. They juz laughed it off n continue the journey.

It doesn't have to tk a trekker to trek after all. It onli tks a determined mind n a cheerful heart.

N everi1, any1 can trek.

After dinner, good old wise man took out 2 boxes of mooncake. Jon took out his paper lantern n candles n we celebrated mid-autumn festival under Stong's nite sky =)

1st nite there.. miss my "famili" n yanchang till i slp. N they are still in my mind.

Smile, j.mf.

Day 3:

The next morning. Reali wanted to watch the sunrise. It's wad i've being looking 4wards to n wad i'm here up for. However, we were told nt to. As there wasn't enough time n if 1 of us go, a few others will come along, then the whole campus will go. In the end the time will drag. So i didn't go. After breakfast, we had water parade for everi1 to be hydrated for the long trek ahead today. I sat on the rocks. Looking at the risen sun. The rocks was whr we washed our dinning utensils after dinner last yr.

I rmbed secret pal, taufu n me were washing pots n utensils there 1 nite.

I rmbed tht 1 of our bottles almost floated away.

I rmbed yanchang n me bathing ourselves behind the rocks abit lower in the evening using our nalgene bottles. It was very cold then yet very warm. Inside.

Taps turned on again. From a drizzle to rain. Maybe i'm a cry baby by nature which i hate. But it's uncontrollable. No1 noes hw i felt. Somehw, wif so many ppl, still felt alone up there wif no1 i'm comfortable to talk to, no1 to share the beauatiful sceneries wif. Those ppl whom i went up wif last yr. We were happy tht time. So happy tht i didn't think of what would it be like to be w/o them up here. Though this time round wiseman, pk n henry are the 1s who went n come again. But still.. w/o loretta, w/o qy, w/o kama, w/o yanchang, w/o my famili.. w/o kaiboon.. everything is different. Secret pal used to joke tht it's becos he nvr go so this trip feels different. N i always say "Ur head." But actualli, it's quite true. Yanchang as well. They were the 1s who took care of me last yr when i was there. When i was cold, i rmbed the gal who lent me her sleeping bag. When i'm scared of falling on the way down, he was the 1 who told me to be confident of my steps. "Don't hesitate. The more u hesitate, the more u will fall." N he himself jump like monkey fr rocks to rocks with his umbrella. Almost slipping once. haha. Wise man also taught me how to walk on rocks. How to see which rocks can step, which part of the rocks to step, how to choose "easier" steps to go down etc. Yanchang's eye gt swollen. Yet she still smile n laugh n joke all the way. Resolution made on the rocks tht day:

-I want to take care of ppl instead of being taken care of.

Smile, j.mf. Smile alwaes.

The day started out with an easy climb. Had our lunch 1/2 way up. Along the way.. we opened up n started singing. Wiseman started humming national day songs.. haha.. n we were like.. er.. in malaysia singing singapore's national day song? Like since when had we become so patriotic.. LOL~ but anyway, guess tht's the onli common song tht we know hw to sing.. then funny funny songs came out like "Shafica" ? Haha.. Suddenly guys names turn into gals.. then i rmb min's gal name, "Min-a".. lol.. but he wasn't there =( But i'm glad.. tht we have each other in our team to kp each other motivated.. wise man kp saying,"I can see the skyline alr! We are near! Come on.." haha.. this is the 1st time i ever hear him saying such things.. maybe becos this is the 1st time i'm trekking near to him.. the last time was also stong but i dun rmb him being so motivated.. haha.. anyway, yeah.. the most memorable line i hear is, "What doesn't kills u mks u a beta man." Does tht applies to gals too? =) I hope so.

We reached baha summit eventualli though we didn't stay there for long as it was very cold.. seriously very cold as it was drizzling alr as we were trekking up.. stubborn as i am.. didn't want to wear my poncho as it's a hindrance as u climb up.. i have to tk my jkt out anyway as it's reali hard to get ur legs moving in the cold.. we trek down abit then up again to ayam summit in 30mins.. hurrily tk a pic there then move towards our "home" for the nite which was 15 mins away.

We were juz in time to catch the orange streak.. wad's left of the sunlight.. for tht day. Sense of achievement overwhelm my very cold heart. It's nice. The guys set up bashas n tents for the nite whereas we cooked milo n prepare dinner. Everything was a rush as it was getting darker as well as colder. The last grp reached quite late.. cold, wet n shivering.. luckily wiseman was wise enough to instruct me if possible faster cook a pot of hot milo for the ppl who reach late.. to at least kp them warm.. n lucky he had his MSR.. the water boiled quite fast.. dun tink i can tink logically with tht coldness as well.. all i wanted to was to faster get the dinner cooked as i'm given the role of a fd ic.. to be honest, i'm very scared tht the fd i prepared/planned will nt be enough.. this is the 1st time i'm planning fd n this trip is a tough 1.. kp asking myself n ppl ard me if this amt is enough, if this "menu" will be to the ppl's liking etc.. reali scared tht wad if ppl go hungry? Then will be my fault if they have no energy to trek.. juz dun want ppl to suffer becos of my blurness or mistakes.. tht's y i'm abit kan chiong in the nite during dinners esp. Cos wiseman said b4, "It's good to have a gd dinner after a hard day's trek." Imagine u ric the summit in the nite, cold n tired but u have a nice hot bowl of rice to eat. Then imagine the opposite. Cold, tired with nth to eat. Luckily for tht nite i didn't screw up the rice like the last nite. My sushi rice works, partially becos wiseman told me to soak the dried mushroom as soon as we ric then use the water to cook the rice. Thanx to the rice-stirrers as well - royston n pk. Though most of the work is done by pk.

It's nice to see contented faces eating the rice u cook. Nice to hear the 4 words "Good job, well done." It's an encouragement. Finalli i can put down the load on my mind for tht nite.

Another mistake made by me tht nite though. The sweet vinegar tht i bought was nt halal as it had alcohol in it.. didn't realise it till after the whole expedition n i was told in the debrief. Sori for tht everi1. Guess i'm still nt sensitive enuff to halal fd. Nid to study more.

Tht nite was a very very cold nite. Juz dun feel like moving alr after cooking. Juz want to faster get into bed n slp. Juz want to knock out. Memories flooded back again.

Rmbed min n me shared a mess tin of rice. We put some sambal chilli into our rice n mix. Then we took turns to eat as there's onli 1 spoon. We ate as we debrief. Very warm though it's cold.

Rmbed yanchang massaging me with deep heat on my legs tht nite till i fell aslp as my legs were very pain. Tht nite, i totalli knock out. Till the next morning. It was tht nite tht i asked, in my dreams most probably, what is sentry? Guess i was realli CMI. It was in the morning tht Yanchang's eyes gt red n swollen. We thot it was the deep heat tht gt into her eyes. Or else it's eye infection. I was real guilty fr tht day on. Till today i can still rmb.

This time i didn't knock out as soon. Maybe i've trained more over the months. Maybe becos i have a duty on hands. Wadeva is tht, tht nite, at 1st it was reali cold. Cold in the heart i mean. Started to tink of my "famili" again. If onli u all were here. I wun feel so cold. At least u all wun allow me to. Shifted to the participants' tent eventualli after a few times sliding into the "hole" in a corner in the committee's basha. Lovell, fandy, edmund, haidar, fiq were still sitting, awake. They have no place to slp either as the participants' basha was filled. Every1 was slping like tuna n sardines.

We took out our ponchos n slp on them eventualli, cuddling into balls. We shivered. But shivering tgt. I felt warmer. In the heart. I felt alot beta. =)

Thots for the nite:

I will treasure my juniors more than ever.

Day 4:

Woke up in the morning. Changed into wet attire again. Coldness bites into the skin for tht moment. My flu worsen, most probably due to the cold i guess. But it's ok. J.mf will nt bow to a flu man.. haha.. okok.. AMS (action macham sakid) again. =p Did some warm up then set off again. This time to Gunung Stong's peak. We ric there quite soon. In 2hrs time. Had lunch there. The squirrels we saw last yr eating our honey starz upside down. They are still there. Dunno isit the same squirrels anot. But they look fatter. haha. Maybe alot of ppl had fed them as well. They are a fortunate couple. So nice. 1 yr le still tgt. This time eating our waffle crisps.

Sometimes i wish i could be 1 of them. They look so happy tgt in the forest juz like tht.

Wish i could juz sit there 4eva.

Wishful thinking of mine. We left at 2pm. Gg down was sth tht i feared. As i've somehw in 1 or other way caused the grp to trek in the dark last yr. I have fear in gg down hills n rocks as i know my ankle get sprain very easily. Seasoned sprainer. I used to call my left ankle. It still is. All in have in mind is, J.mf, be confident in ur steps. Confidence. Tht's all u nid.

I still sprained my left ankle. Twice. N for the 2nd time, wiseman suggested tht i have it taped up. For more support. It works. I didn't sprain it on the way down. Fad sprained hers as well. Hers was worse i guess, as i saw it swell after the trip. Juz like mine last yr. But i admire her. For her cheerful character. She laughed it off. N said we can both emo at the waterfall when we ric the base camp. =)

1 person may be emo. Hw can 2 cheerful person emo when we have each other as company? (^^)

The trek down continued. Our grp were very supportive. We still have to go down. But at a slower pace so tht injured dun get injured again n the non-injured will nt get injured. =) Thanx "shafica" (Fiq) haha. I owe u this once =)

We trek into the dark this time as well. But this time i didn't slide as much as i did last yr. I rmbed. Wiseman, pk n yeye were wif me last yr during this route. I kp sliding wif tht aqua shoe of mine. Pk guided me back. Becos he was in front of me so he slided 1st. Always say i mk him eat grass. At least this time none of us ate grass. N this time 13 of us trek tgt in the dark. Wif laughters, jokes n songs. Fiq, i realli have to hand it to him. Still can mk up stories to mk us laugh. "5 more mins!" We all know it's fake. But we still try as hard as possible to motivate ourselves to go on.

"No matter how slow we go, as long as we dun stop, we will ric our destination."

N we ric. Fiq gt his long awaited hot milo =) We all gt ours =) Tht's our reward for the day.

Tht nite. I planned to slp at the sentry area even b4 slp time. I was tired. But i couldn't slp. Alot of things were on my mind i guess. Thinking abt the nxt day. I will be back. Back wif my "famili". Thinking abt y is/are they, he, she, am i lidat.. y is human lidat. Human nature.. wad is it? Did nite sentry wif edmund, elina, lovell, royston, fiq, haidar, henry, fandy. Cook milo, horlicks n almond jelly n drink n eat tgt. Fell aslp ard 3am.

Still tinking abt my "famili".

Day 5:

Woke up. Went to see the sunrise. Sat on the big rock. Nice feeling. Though it didn't last long as was interupted by lots of photo taking, exclaimations etc. No bad feelings for stating this. If this is my 1st trip to mountains bet i will have the same behaviour. Juz tht i wish to have more quiet time wif the mountain b4 i leave.

Sometimes we kp looking at sceneries thru the camera lens, we missed the real beauty tht is rite in front of our eyes.

Very soon, we were rushed to pack our things up n ready for the waterfall journey. It's a leisure trip. This time all 37 of us went up as fortunately, no1 was sick. We had fun enjoying the waterfall massage, the natural "jacuzzi".. We had fun dipping ourselves in the cool waters. A long-awaited relaxation. It began to rain soon. We had to give the 2nd "playing point" a miss.

Reach back campsite. Last pack up n we set off again. This time to the foot. We gt down quite fast, in 2hrs time. Considering tht we used 4 hrs to trek up.

Ric-ing the "gates" of gunung stong state park, had a sense of achievement as well as a sense of relieve. I'm back. Safe n sound. Halifah n me were holding hands n literally skipping out of the "gates". =)

We bathed n changed. Waiting for the van to send us to the train station.

I've enjoyed this trip wif my team mates in grp 3. Thanx alot guys. U guys rocks.

We fell. We pain-ed. We injured. We cold-ed. We shivered. But as long as we get back onto our feets n start to move on slowly, we will ric our destination eventually.

"U will find tht u can go on a longer way after u think u can't go on anymore."

| a simple day. 10/05/2009 11:44:00 PM
-----------------------------------

There's juz so many feelings within tht i can't let them be known.



So many odd feelings. Towards the ppl of my everyday life.



If onli words can be expressed w/o offending ppl.



If onli thots can be expressed w/o others feeling awkward.






I guess i understand.. understand wad isit like to mk urself so bz..so bz till u thot u have no time to think, to miss, to ponder abt stuffs n ppl.. yet when u've quieten down in the nite, when everything comes to an end, when u've put down all ur jobs.. the thing is - tht some1, sth, some place still flash across ur mind.

N u have to admit tht the feeling of missing has nt gone.



It has always been there from the moment u try to do things to mk urself dun miss them.

| a simple day. 10/05/2009 04:17:00 PM
-----------------------------------

+exits