Monday, August 31, 2009
I think this song is damn sweet. Esp the last sentence.
右手边静静地坐在你的身边
还会有多少这样的时间
我要迎着这窗外的光线
牢牢的记住你微笑的侧脸
我说了离别不会伤悲
这是我对你唯一的欺骗
因为我最喜欢你的双眼
那么美不适合掉眼泪
你要好好的去飞
不需要对我想念
我会默默地留下右手边的座位
有一天当你看过世界
再决定你降落的地点
而我也会继续地
奔驰在这长长的街
左手边是我的心
右手边没有谁
为了你再寂寞我都可以成全
因为我相信
说过了再见 一定会再见
| a simple day. 8/31/2009 06:38:00 PM
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Sunday, August 30, 2009
Started running again on fri. Haven been running long dist ever since 1/2 army. Guess my legs juz need a break. After all, i've promised them tht i will treat them beta after sundown.. =) It's time for them to start work again n the break prove to be a fruitful 1 as my 10k timing improved by 2 mins -> 1hr 5mins =) It's nt much but i'm satisfied cos the run was fulfilling. Felt so relaxed, esp the swim after the run. The water was icy cold tht day. Could hardly start swimming initially but once i started, the feeling was cool. Refresh.
PS: Sori to some1 i think i kp losing my cool on tht day. Wasn't on purpose. I wasn't quite myself. Hope u understand.
I'm getting luckier n luckier day by day.. at 1st i thot it was luck.. after much thinking, i guess it's not. It's the way how u look at life n treat it. Yesterday was my "1st day"of work after 9mths of nt working. Didn't expect my boss to msg me as haven heard from him since the last promo he had on his product. The other time he msg was when i had a presentation due so couldn't promise him but this wk i'm free..so yup..can earn some cash for trips as well =)
The morning started off great.. the product i'm selling is vacuum packed smoked salmon so had to prepare samples of it on organic rye bread (new product) for ppl to try out. Standing in front of a chiller for 9 hrs straight isn't a joking matter. Was shivering from top to toe after 30mins but sth warm me up.. smiles =) Forget to mention, the place i was posted to is a cold storage in holland village so the customers there were mainly caucasians bringing their kids to shop for groceries. The kids really made my day. They are the 1s who are nt shy to ask for samples n it's really heart-warming to see the smiles on their faces saying thank u to u =) At times, it can get quite lonely as a promoter job is a stand-alone 1 esp during non-peak hrs, all i can do is sing to the rows of organic products i'm facing..haha..guess i'll be able to memorise the names of them at the end of today.. thanx to the aunties there who walk past occasionally juz to ask if u have eaten, if u r cold anot.. then chat abit.. they are a frenly bunch of ppl to work with.
The main challenge is to sell the expensive and not-very-popular-among-asians dish -smoked salmon. They appeared to look very raw but they are all actually cooked. N of course, other than the "chilling" part, another thing u have to face is rejection. I'm not one who will pester ppl to buy from me. Rather, i would prefer not to give them pressure. That's y initially when a few of my frens know i'm gonna be a promoter they were like..huh? Haha.. but it proves that other than "pestering", smiles work too =) Even when rejected, a smile will ease all awkwardness. Ppl do walk away but at least not with a "paiseh" feeling. Juz kp telling myself to jia you inside.
Today is another long long day.. esp it's raining. Fewer ppl came to shop for groceries. It was so empty tht i begin to sing "豆浆油条” in front of the organic pdts.. then i begin asking myself which part of them look like they are 豆浆 & 油条.. haha.. wad am i talking.. haiz..nvm.. imagination does run wild once in a while.. at least they help me tide thru my day.. at the end of the day, almost finish selling the pdt =) Though tht's nt the best accomplishment. The most rewarding thing is to receive smiles from the mummies and kids, hearing ppl telling u tht u are professional, u've done a great job etc. Because i've always felt inferior. Because i didn't deserve it in the past. But now i know i do. Thanx to FYP n superwoman for the lessons learnt.
After work hafta rush down to tpy sports hall to collect yellow ribbon race pack cos today is the only day of collection. I was juz on time. They were alr packing up when i reach there cos my work ended at 7pm.. this race, i will be running on my own. None of my running khakis sign up with me.. oh well.. still hafta kp on running.. cos maybe these will be 1 of the last few races i will be joining.. cos nt sure of the future.. not sure if i will be as free as i am now.. there are other priorites i may have in the future, esp my dream job.. runs and races have taken up alot of my time n $$ in my 20th yr in this world.. It's time to shift this time for frens and career.. after all i'm alr 21.. no longer a kid..though i may appear to be 1 at times..
This hols.. there are many things tht i want to do.. to mk it up to ppl i've let down in the past.. for myself, wish to get back to my guitar and piano skills that i've neglected quite some time.. cannt juz let them be wasted lidat esp they were once part of my life. I dun want them to be "once" but a "now" & "in the future" as well. Because now i know very well what i want.
Press on, james mf =)
有些时候真的怕尴尬到连朋友都没得做。所以一直逃避。
| a simple day. 8/30/2009 04:25:00 AM
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Tuesday, August 25, 2009
从上个礼拜到现在，不知道自己对自己说了多少个“惨了","死了","糟了",“完蛋了”.. 一半，是因为还没准备好presentation.. 好紧张，好怕说错话，好怕在最后关头退缩..感觉就像快死掉一样.. Oh no.. 还好..有老师在旁帮着,安抚着紧张的心，心情也开始平静了下来..好不容易一切来到尽头..需要对自己坦白..并没有做得很好..比起其他朋友，我逊色很多.但起码从这个FYP 我知道不是我不行，是我不要去尽力..虽然到最后,还是迟交报告.. 学到的，不只是科学背后的理论。。而是现实生活中的道理。。虽然我还没办法完完全全尊守这些道理。。虽然还是被说讲不听。。我会试着再改进。。不是说说而以。。只是有些时候可能还是会忘了分轻重。。不要放弃我。
另一半..则是因为自己无法对自己坦白..不知道自己到底该不该这么觉得..当被逼面对自己时该怎么办？在还没理清楚之前..是不是应该把一切都埋起来？我终于明白“女人的心思很难懂”这句话。因为我也弄不懂我的心到底是在想什么。不要想太多..不要想太多..不可以..不准..不许..不行.. 好烦好烦。。脑快要炸掉了..
老实说，这三个星期我真的过得很快乐。就算是在FYP还没结束前，就算是在赶报告。。就连我身旁的朋友都看得出我很快 乐。。是发自内心的笑。也许是友谊伴我度过最难熬的日子，帮我戒掉一种瘾，才发现原来它只是个习惯。距离，它可以让人觉得彼此很重要，也可以让人发觉原来彼此只是个习惯。如果时间能轻易的冲淡一切，也许它已经不是。。花了一年多的时间才跳出这个框，才发现原来幸福可以很简单。我不想活在复杂的世界。只想简简单单的做回平凡的我。
| a simple day. 8/25/2009 12:31:00 AM
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Tuesday, August 18, 2009
I must have being a lucky girl. Juz tht i didn't notice. Juz tht i didn't appreciate it. When some1 told me,"I think u are very lucky girl.." I begin to ask myself, "Am I?" When Dylan scolded Xinyi,
"我没有看到你在努力.." 我也问自己，我曾努力过吗? 也许我只是努力地活在别人的影子里。努力地想成为别人的模范。却忘了做回真正的自己。忽略了身边疼我的人。[命中注定] 里有一句话，"幸福，薄如帛冰" - Happiness is as thin as ice. 真的如此。它可以在瞬间把你带上天，却也可以在下一秒消失不见.. 我曾经也有被幸福抛弃的感觉.. 但现在我对这两个字有了新的领悟..
与朋友吃饭是幸福。
不开心时，有人陪着逗你开心是幸福。
跟朋友庆祝许多节日是幸福。
常找一些理由就为了想多陪陪彼此是幸福。
不时地收到朋友的鼓励是幸福
虽然犯了许多错，做了许多笨笨的事，还是没被放弃， 这也是幸福。
我想..我已经是世界上最幸福的人了。谢谢你们给的幸福。希望迟到的珍惜还来得及。
有人跟我说，“当你看到爱你的人因为你心痛而为你感到心痛，你就不会这么在意让你
伤心的理由，而是应该努力地活得更开心，别让关心你的人担心。” 这句话，我听进
去了。真的。谢谢你 =）
Been to 1/2 army with YanChang and aunties.. it was a gd experience. My 1st 21km. We aimed to finish within 3hrs.. n we did it =) 2hr 20mins 28secs.. My expectation for this run is to kp on running w/o stopping for the 21km.. n i did it too.. except for 1 min for each 5 or 6 of the water points.. We started the run tgt.. but i lost yanchang at 10km mark cos there were too many ppl running on the pavement so we ran on the grass area.. sprained my ankle against a tree trunk so gt to a side to tighten my shoe laces, compression, taught by secret pal. It works. But by the time i stood up again, couldn't see yan chang le.. but i enjoyed this race also becos i'm running wif her. =) And also i get to see friends encouraging each other..cheering for each other.. brotherhood.. after the run, went to lunch wif ain, lovell, izwan, farhanah, elina, fiq..yeah.. they went too.. =) 1st run.. hope u guys have enjoyed it. =)
Yesterday was the 2nd time i feel so lucky. Almost screw up for the last chapter of my FYP.. was praying so hard tht the timing will change.. n i was just kp rushing n rushing.. thanx to LL.. u know i know can le =) Now I finally believe QY's nick - Do it. Or tomorrow will be the same. The timing changed n i finished the "draft".. luckily it wasn't yesterday. Had time to amend my mistakes.. God must have heard my pray.. thanx =) Was quite happy actually. But dunno y there's a weird weird feeling inside. Juz dunno wad isit. I wasn't exactly honest with myself lately. Maybe i dun trust it anymore.
Recently, kp seeing frens ard me falling in n out of relationships.. sometimes i wonder if relationships were so fragile, y start in the 1st place? Friendships seem to be stronger than anything else. A song tht i find it quite meaningful.
没那么爱他
| a simple day. 8/18/2009 05:24:00 PM
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Thursday, August 13, 2009
Everything's settled and confirmed. Left with the journey for us to discover. Can't believe i'm gonna do this. Looking forwards to the day.. thanx D for asking.. if nt i will nvr know tht i'm capable of doing these =)
Sep is gg be a bz month for me. Can't wait for it to come.
Was suddenly reminded of the little little things tht they have done for me. Actually, to me is very very big. Cos of a story of a little gal brought out by her brother n his gf becos she has no1 to look after. Made me think of uncle jj and mummy jc taking me out for movies, dinner and run. Come to think of it, we are nt even related by blood but still they call us family. Even though i'm always their light bulb..even though i
always sometimes mk them angry.. even though i sometimes tk A380..
Presentation is another 4 days.. after which all will come to an end.. nt 4gtting reports tht nids to be handed in.. cross fingers tht everything will turn out fine. Press on, james mf =)
| a simple day. 8/13/2009 02:21:00 AM
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Monday, August 10, 2009
Rested for 2 full days in bed. Finally recovering. Went to collect 1/2 army race pack with Ain, Elina and Fiq then headed for cityhall to meet the others who were alr slacking there. Fiq and me lost our way to The Central @ Clarke Quay. It's been quite some time since i've been there. After walking ard cityhall for abt 30mins we finally found our way to the meeting place. N Fiq said a total of 5 "Now I know.."s.. cos he nvr knew there's a shorter way to CQ from cityhall. He said sth tht made me think alot,"I always walk 1 big round to get to CQ. Now I know.." I guess it applies to me too.. y do i always have to make a big detour before realising hw wrong was i? I always tend to take the longer routes in life before realising tht i could've made it here faster with less pain tking the easier route tht i've chose to abandon..
We went to see fireworks. It is nice. Magnificent. My 1st fireworks with my juniors. They remind me of 31st Dec 2009. We went to countdown. Wif min, zul, qing ying, aikim, loretta, james twk etc.. I rmb we were at the padang gathering in front of the supreme court. I rmb we were tking photos tgt outside. I rmb we were playing with the white spray loretta asked us to buy. I rmb zul shouting, "Again, again!" Hw long have it been since we've sat on the stairs to eat, chat and sing under the nite sky with our frens lidat. Doing nth but juz sitting there n slack. Last yr's eve of ndp i rmb spending it with kama, zul, min, weini, taufu etc.. we went to a malay store at far east to have our dinner then stroll the streets of orchard. Took photos by the rd with zul stopping the passer bys juz for kama to tk a pic of us. After every1 had left, weini, taufu n me walked to esplanade n sat by singapore river, tking photos wif the big durian on the way. These memories flashed back in my mind. Very strong images. The moments tht i missed. Have always wanted to re-live these moments.. but nw i dun think of re-living them. Cos new 1s will be created. Old memories will always stay sweet in my mind. N tht's more than enough. I don't want to allow myself to live in the past.
这次的烟火季节，少了一些人，多了一些友谊；少了一些热闹，却多了一些领悟；少了一些
温暖，多了一份火花。 新的友情翻开了我人生新的篇章.. 旦愿它会是更快乐的..
| a simple day. 8/10/2009 03:05:00 AM
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Thursday, August 6, 2009
Headache.. pain until cannt slp. But i want to slp. When will it go away?
I find myself torn in between.
I find myself feeling like CXY. Like a post-it. 便利贴. I dun want to be 1. Turtle shell is right. I should learn to say no when there's a need to. I could've care less.
I need a place to cry out loud. I need some1 to tell me i can cry w/o feeling like a kid. I need some1 to tell me dun act strong when i'm not feeling very strong. I juz need to let it all out. To some1 who wouldn't judge me but accept me as who i am.
| a simple day. 8/06/2009 02:06:00 AM
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Tuesday, August 4, 2009
Juz came back from sea exp. It's a very different experience from the last. Cannt compare the both as every expedition are with different ppl at my different stage of life with different feelings. Started out the trip with only 1 expectation of myself -to put all feelings aside, to get to know ppl out of my usual circle. I didn't expect myself to find it so much easier. Maybe i had put down everything alr. Or maybe i had given up everything alr. I find myself enjoying the accompany of purity. Simplicity. Spent the nite @ pasir ris beach.. 1 of the place i would always go.. it's been a long time since i last went there, partially becos of FYP, races and ADC stuff.. it felt different though, with so many ppl surrounding me this time. Less peace but more accompany. Woke up seeing the sunrise tht i had said goodbye to quite some time ago. Took some pics of it though the pic didn't turn out as magnificent as it should be. May be it's becos i'm using my camera phone. Maybe some things are better left in the heart. This expedition is a gd experience for me. Though i feel there's no motive in gg ubin to camp 1 nite. Maybe there is but is not strong or overwhelming enuff as we climbed mt stong juz to reach the peak and stay there for lunch, go waterfalls to jump off cliffs. Maybe juz felt there's lack of sense of satisfaction.. still.. i see a lot of things.. i partner wif 1 of my junior, Khairul. He's a strong kayaker. Surprisingly, we went quite fast and our kayak went quite straight.. Our chemistry built up very fast.. Khai gave most of the commands at 1st..nt long after i realise his "pattern" and soon join in his commands.. we had fun singing n talking tgt.. sharing snacks along the way.. most of the time i'm concentrating on our coordination tht's y didn't really notice the ppl ard me.. The 2nd day, there's a change of partners.. i'm pair up with min again =) I nvr dream tht i will have a chance to paddle with my last yr partner again.. was quite happy cos we have a chance to try again.. to redeem ourselves.. i had a bet with min - if we can paddle straight i will treat him to a can of soy bean milk. N i secretly hope tht i will get to treat him =) @ the start of the expedition, wiseman reminded me again tht a sweeper should stay with the last person and NOT be the last person.. still rmb i was the sweeper during obs and i was lagging quite far behind.. partially becos my kayaking skills was not up to standard and partially becos i kp thinking tht sweeper should be the last man. This time, min n me started off quite fast n maybe i was too elated.. we paddled very very fast though nt purposely. We went abit too front. After waiting for a while we manage to remain at the back, reminding ourselves by singing min's new song, "With the last person"... (it's actually juz an echo of the same 4 words =p) We crossed the channel very fast. In fact we were the 3rd. It doesn't matter actually. Juz tht maybe we were too high. N i thot they said b4 during channel crossing we dunnid to stay in formation.. so ya.. anyway, we did stick to our position n fulfil our duty after tht.. This time didn't have to focus much on my strokes cos we should be slow.. i took a look at my surrounding ppl.. juniors' teams.. there's a sense of sweetness.. hearing 1 pair singing tgt.. another chatting wif each other, another motivating each other.. i feel pure happiness among them.. it's a unique feeling i've nvr felt for a long time. Maybe becos all along i've being hanging ard ppl who are judging me or i believe so. Every actions, everything i do i have to think whether they will be unhappy, whether isit right in their eyes, whether does it irritate ppl.. but wad i see nw is juz ppl being purely themselves. Do what u deem is right. N i ask myself y can't i juz be me? Y can't i follow my heart and do the things i like if they are right things to do? It's time i have my own mind.
"If you keep on judging others, you won't have the time to love them."
"Nobody is perfect till you fall in love with them."
I will nvr place my priorities right if sth is still within my heart. Unless i take it out, it will always over rule other priorities i have in my life. I know. Juz like the meaning behind the elephant in the fridge. I've grown closer to D, though maybe to her it feels like we've nvr drifted apart before. It's nt until after this trip i realise i've learnt to treasure her more. She's the only 1 who will tell me "我明白.. 我懂.." when i needed it most. I've tide thru the waves in the heart i believe. 心平静了，只是好像突然失去方向。
我们可不可以不勇敢 当伤太重心太酸无力承担 就算现在女人很流行释然 好像什么困境都知道该怎么办 我们可不以不勇敢 当爱太累梦太慢没有答案 难道不能坦白地放手哭喊 要从心里拿走一个人很痛 很难
I'm at my last 2 wks of my FYP nw. Superwoman is overseas. Miss sms-ing her tht i'm out alr.. ppl do matter much more after they are gone. =( Though i know i should kp on working but part of my motivation is gone.. Ale, mf.. haiz.. =(
I'm gonna be sick soon. Cos i feel my nose is starting to run with me now. Die. Cross fingers.
*Story tht i haven finished telling tht nite..*
This's a story about four people:
Everybody, Somebody, Anybody and Nobody.
There was an important job to be done and
Everybody was sure that
Somebody would do it.
Anybody could have done it but
Nobody did it.
Somebody got angry about that, because it was
Everybody's job.
Everybody thought
Anybody could do it but
Nobody realised that
Everybody wouldn't do it.
It ended up that Everybody blamed Somebody when Nobody did what Anybody could have done.
| a simple day. 8/04/2009 03:49:00 PM
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