+me

name.James.Ming Fei
gender.GaL
age.21
dob.26 jUl Leo-ian
school.NYP.Food.SciEnce
am.nature-lover
family.jaMes.fAmiLy & gIaM
buddies.many

lurves.
.james.famili
.sky
.clouds
.mountains
.waterfalls
.close.frens
.kbox
.all.sports

what i want.
.simple.life
.confidence
.trust
.dream.job
.nth else

what i don't want.
.false.frens
.ficker.minds
.lies
.tk.things.for.granted.ppl

Sunday, June 28, 2009

Reached home this morning ard 12 plus am.. didn't mean to be so late cos really tired.. but it's all worth it.. i'm tired physically but happy in the mind for once.. yesterday.. started off the day badly.. cos i waited at the wrg place n was late for ard 20mins.. sorri taufu, sorri yy, sorri dragonfly, sorry old man.. hai u all cannt have mac scramble eggs.. we took a train to west coast rd n thot tht it was the shortest route to the starting pt.. we ended up walking part of the route of the race, seeing rd marshalls all ard.. the rd marshalls told us to walked the long way to the starting pt.. so we walked the whole stretch.. When I met jiahui @ the registration booth she told me she saw us when she's on the bus! N ask me y u all walked the long way.. wahaha.. collected race bib cum tee, went to change.. the funny thing is.. we are YX01 AGAIN.. for the 3rd time alr.. everytime if only 2 men team we will sure get the bib no. YX01.. dunno y.. haha.. when we change le came back it's alr 8.15am! N our flag off is suppose to be at 8.20am! We haven even deposit our bags n do body marking yet! So we hurry off to deposit n do body marking.. but our start time gt delayed eventually cos the Mens team were flag off towards the wrg route and gt called back after 20mins.. -_-" So we were flag off 1 hr later then our actual time. At the starting pt, we saw jess and her frens (rp frens).. joke ard wif them abit. The waiting was "gruelsome" cos very excited to start.. adrenaline alr starts to build up in me but they are still nt starting.. *swts* But of course it eventually started.. this time we ran quite a steady pace at the start.. normally we will chiong at the start n i will start to slow down after a while.. cos i cannt run fast for long 1.. we ran back the whole stretch of rd we walked juz nw.. for the 1st time we caught up wif fufu n dragonfly n 4 of us were literally running tgt.. very very fun.. maybe fufu really haven warm up so at 1st he like sian 1/2.. this time is dragonfly give him power alr.. =p n for the 1st time i can kp up with old man at the start.. everytime is he slow down for me cos i cannt catch my breath alr.. soon we reach a "tunnel" or "underpass" wadeva u call tht.. n we are suppose to duck walk across.. me n qy pass tht easily cos we were "not so tall" ..wahaha.. n qy damn "gd", still tell fufu, "Come i tk ur bag.." then she juz bend down n walk damn fast passing all of us.. wahaha.. though we did hit our head accidentally on a pipe tht was pertruding out of the flat ceiling while looking back.. soon we reach the light n collected our bikes.. at 1st we were like so happy to see the bikes but the biking distance was damn short.. qy said their bikes are lousy cos her gear came off.. n jess (fr rp youth mixed) still stop n ask her whether she need help anot =) Very very warm.. cos they are actually competing wif us yet still stop n help.. really gt sportsmanship.. we continued biking till we reach a void deck with balloons attached to the wall.. we are suppose to pop the balloon by blowing a satay stick thru a straw at it.. tht 1 i tried once cannt.. luckily old man tried the 2nd time can.. we started running again.. this time into an unused railway track at bukit timah.. we are suppose to cross the railway track at the shortest timing as possible.. but with all the holes in between the woods, really gt phobia of spraining my ankle again.. qy kp reminding me to be careful of my ankle when i was gg down slopes earlier on.. thanx a lot alot..=) We have to cross a rusty bridge after the track.. dun find it very scary cos maybe i didn't really look down or maybe my fear of heights nt tht bad alr after all the abseiling.. at the end still have a slope n old man reminded me hw he taught me to walk down the slope -sideways.. if nt juz run down.. =) Yeah, n this time i cmi = can mk it =) After tht we continued running n running till we reached an open field.. we saw ppl mountain biking down the grass slopes n fufu was SO happy cos he thot gt off rd biking.. but he's wrg.. cos they were only the officials.. this station is all our forte.. ROPEWORK!! Reef knot, fisherman using 2 thumb knot n figure of 8.. wahaha.. old man did those w/n a min.. nxt we are suppose to untie a person's shoe lace n tie to the other's leg n walk.. sth like a 3-legged race.. nxt was the jump jump thingy.. i was tying my shoe laces so didn't see wad old man do.. when i want to start, they ask me to jump.. so i started to jump even b4 the wooden pole w/ rafia string.. look so stupid.. =X But nvm.. nxt up is leopard crawl.. tht 1 also no prob.. though i dunno y i kp laughing n laughing when i was doing it.. think i was still thinking abt the jump jump thingy.. after tht station was "navigation".. it wasn't much of a navigation cos there were rd marshalls all along the way.. n they kp asking us to TRY to kp on the pathway.. n the pathway was a straight bend.. we did the 1st navigation -450m 60degree. After tht a few subsequent 1s we juz run the route alr.. didn't even need the compass.. run n run n run till we reach an overhead bridge, cross it n reach the killer station.. Mk a symmetrical "M" using the puzzles they give us.. there was bottleneck there n yet no stop time.. we were the top 2nd team n even though we were told tht top 5 will be given priority we still have to wait for the puzzles to be free to use.. wait n wait n wait..finally is our turn but we couldn't solve it.. the teacher kp asking us to think out of the box.. thanx to the rd marshall, the other mens team n fufi team.. we can solve the puzzle n proceed.. thanx to their help.. we ran over the bridge again to do the juma - abseil station.. old man n fufu did the juma cos they are better at it while me n qy pull the rope below for them. After old man reached the 2nd platform, we did the abseiling.. this is my fav station.. cos really feel like flying.. the feeling is damn nice.. after which was the swimming pool section.. tht 1 1 person swim over to do the cross word puzzle.. so nice to "bathe" after the hot hot weather w/ all the sweat.. after tht we headed back to the sch compound which we have to collect a black big rubber band.. - 3 legged race.. cos my leg short n old man's leg longer so we went down the steps very funny.. he step down alr i still on the upper step.. budden after a while ok alr.. heard tht qy n fufu literally "ran" during tht segment cos they want to revenge then gt practise.. =p after tht we reached the finishing point.. time of 2hrs 21mins.. we were only 3mins behind the 2nd team!! Haha.. but nvm.. we gt 3rd! =D Fufi team gt 1st.. C2 gt 1st in youth women n nash n nadiah gt 2nd for youth womens =D



Dunno y i like this race alot alot.. juz like safra avventura.. juz like DARE II.. though it's very very short.. maybe is the place we run different? Maybe is the old old railway track i like? Or maybe is the ppl? Or maybe juz the feeling.. dunno.. winning is juz a bonus.. even if nvr win i'm also very very happy in the heart alr..noe this is cliche but it is really wad i felt when old man said we may nt be the 3rd.. is like.. so long so long nvr have this kinda feeling alr.. the really really happy feeling.. at the end of the race when all the photos were put up, dunno y nose suddenly sour sour 1.. nt becos sad.. is becos very.. also dunno hw to express.. like.. this is the end of all the adv races we've participated this yr.. ended.. n suddenly alot alot of images came to my mind.. alot alot of pics appeared in my mind.. alot alot of words.. alot alot of places.. 1/2 a yr of events.. so many memories.. suddenly all surge into my mind.. gt a tugging feel at my heart.. gt a lot to say.. but i think can't put them in words.. so didn't noe wad expression came out on my face tht day.. guess i was still in a daze..



This is the 2nd race i guess tht we didn't have lunch tgt.. 1st was safra avventura cos lunch provided.. cos each of us have sth on after tht.. qy, me, nash, nadiah headed back to NYP for durian run wif wiseman, secret pal, nadzirah, loretta n henry. Route planned by old man. Fr sch to amk to tpy to bugis then to geylang.. in the end we didn't go geylang cos we had enuff of durian for the day i guess.. during this run, is nt so much on the durian tht i enjoyed, it's the run.. enjoyed the sky, the clouds, the planes, the birds, the rds, the vehicles, the buildings at nite.. n the accompanyment of adcians.. the race is still on my mind.. i was still thinking abt the race.. all along the way.. dunno y.. ended the day at bugis street eating mac nuggets n drinking coke..



Quote of the day: The only things that stands between a man and what he wants in life is the will to try and the faith to believe it's possible.




PS: Will upload more photos when i copy paste all the photos fr fb..

| a simple day. 6/28/2009 11:18:00 AM
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Saturday, June 27, 2009

Yesterday in sch..did nth.. juz chk my agar plates... went to play piano at the lib again.. hols.. less ppl there.. less noise.. less pressure.. after a while lifeguard msg me to ask if want to join them for lunch.. so went over to clubrm.. secret pal inside alr.. also meeting him to collect my black race bag for dragonfly 2mr.. then we juz had lunch at north.. after tht went back clubrm to do some "admin" stuff.. i fell aslp while listening to the songs i've repeatedly hear for the past few days.. cos really very tired.. didn't get to really slp for the past few days.. slp while secret pal n taufu went to climb.. went to run 2.4km wif secret pal then 1 rd ard sch.. know i shouldn't run a day b4 race.. but juz felt like it.. really juz felt like it.. felt better after a run n a story.. thanx alot.. After tht we went to submit thhe forms for X-trail challenge.. then went ntuc to get sth n some sweets.. i dunno wad i doing also.. i actually put my hp down while reading the instructions then juz walked away.. i 4gt all abt it.. it's lost.. for the 3rd time.. at 1st i was really panick.. cos i'm suppose to call some1.. i dunno whr i'm gg to find a phone to call if i lost my hp.. i juz want to get it back.. faster ran back to ntuc to find my phone.. but cannt find alr.. went to service counter to ask if gt lost n found also dun have. The auntie called a security to help me but he didn't give me much help.. until nw i still regret i lost it cos i fell aslp in front of the comp while waiting for tht some1 to reply.. cos i cannt call him.. can only talk thru msn.. but when he finally reply i fell aslp le.. i'm awake nw cos i scared lata i late again.. i cannt slp nw.. muz nt slp nw..

A few days back i think i broke a glass.. accidentally.. have been trying to piece it back for the past few days but no matter wad glue i use the cracks are still there..the glass is standing nw.. i dunno whether it will fall sooner or lata anot.. but i guess the cracks will 4eva be there.. who gt magic potion to spare?

I'm sorry every1.. i dunno wad's happening to me at all.. i'm really tired..for the past few days or weeks..didn't mean to be so blur.. didn't mean to forget a lot of things u guys ask me to do.. but pls believe i've tried my best alr.. i know maybe my best is nt ur best to u.. but i've tried.. kp changing n changing to fit into tht criteria.. should i continue or should i juz let things be.. let everything to fall into place itself.. maybe if i dun do so much i wun mk so many mistakes.. then maybe i wun think so much abt whether ppl will be angry wif me anot cos i did nth. Is this really fate? Is there really such thing as fate? Can we change fate?

"It has been said time heals all wounds. But i do not agree. The wound remains. In time, the mind, protecting its sanity, covers them with scar tissue, and the pain lessens, but it is never gone." - Rose Kennedy

Tired. Want to leave. Can some1 juz tk me away from here?

| a simple day. 6/27/2009 04:11:00 AM
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Thursday, June 25, 2009

Juz nw went to pinnacle race clinic.. this time it's not like any other time.. technically n feeling.. my 1st time doing the real juma.. wenli was at tht station and she still recognise us.. come to think of it we've gone thru a lot of race seeing her.. she's very frenly.. suddenly i dun feel out of place anymore.. juma is really like pruseikking i admit.. juz tht i dunno wad i doing also.. kp stretching out my legs n my body become perpendicular to the rope.. use a lot alot of strength to do tht.. dunno y old man n qy can do it so easily.. i need to revise my pruseiking alr.. the rest are the usual things.. navigation, abseiling, wearing of harness.. the abseiling is nice.. the wall is flat so can juz let urself drop freely down.. dunnid to stop to kick off any rocky rocky thingy.. 1st time i abseil i can feel my heart almost want to drop out.. used to be afraid of tht feeling but dun feel afraid juz nw alr.. dunno y.. my fear of dropping had gone.. went to their makan place to eat.. then went to their race briefing.. very very happy to see jia hui again.. like long time no see then began talking abt backpacking.. she n her fren wants to go phillipines.. but secret pal say he want to go vietnam.. can we all go tgt? nvr bagpack wif ppl fr other sch b4 n very hard to find some1 who really loves the nature..

To person Y:

I still want ur friendship. U r nt juz any normal fren to me. Nt i dun care. I really care. Juz tht i'm stupid n insensitive to things i should be. N sensitive to things i shouldn't be.. i didn't look deep enuff to realise there's a prob.. and i look too deep into somewhr tht there isn't any prob.. I will try.. try to understand u better in the future if there is still a future to our friendship..

To person H:

Sorry for being so sensitive.. sorry for being nt understanding.. because i try to read too much into wad u're thinking.. becos everytime ppl angry they juz show it but dun tell.. n i nvr noe the reason.. so i always think isit my fault? What have i done? But i didn't noe tht didn't apply to u.. nw i noe.. but maybe it's too late.. maybe i dun really understand u tht well after all.. maybe i dun understand human at all.. maybe i will understand at a lata stage of my life.. juz like the quote u've shared, "In youth we learn, in age we understand."

1 more day to the race.. will everything be the same again? Will everything be fine again?

| a simple day. 6/25/2009 11:57:00 PM
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Juz came back from kayaking again.. actually is rolling.. have been rolling for the pass 3 days.. actually is only doing hip-flicks.. thot my hip flick is cmi 1s.. cos everytime i do once or twice i will sink the 3rd time alr.. nvr thot tht wise man will say i've improved alot.. really really muz thank qy for helping me wif my hip flicks these 2 days.. n secret pal too.. but didn't let tht get over my head.. cos i'm still quite far behind others who have started quite some time ago.. but i'm happy enuff tht i'm able to learn.. finally i get to try the 1/2 roll but all assisted by qy.. 1 thing abt qy tht i really really like is, she will assure u tht she is holding onto u so dun be scared.. n she really hold onto u firmly n nt let go.. i like the feeling of being engulfed in water.. to be surrounded by it.. dunno y i suddenly have this feeling of wanting to be engulfed in it.. In water cannt hear any sound.. cut off fr the outside world.. suddenly very peaceful.. i like water.. or rather i've grown to love it. Rmb i used to dream of myself waddling in the middle of a big pool n no matter hw hard i swim, i will still be in the middle of the pool.. so i remain "treading water" the whole nite.. when i woke up my mum told me i kp kicking the bed when i was slping.. old man told me b4 this is a sign of fear of water.. i guess so.. cos tht time i juz learnt hw to swim.. but recently.. i have a liking of waters.. it began at the waterfalls.. but i still dun like to swim wif others in the pool last time.. guess only adc mummy noes y.. nw i've gain back a bit of my confidence alr.. i want to swim.. i like to swim.. i want to swim everyday.. suddenly want to learn a lot of things.. i want to depend on myself.. i dun want ppl to kp baby sitting me.. i want to depend on myself for happiness n nt depend on others to give me happiness.. yes, maybe i'm depending on ppl when i'm learning things.. but at least i'm taught to fish n nt given fishes. If nt i will feel like a parasite.. Dunno y today i dare to talk to wise man like friend again.. used to be afraid of him.. scared of what he will think of me.. scared tht he will be very disappointed in me.. actually is i have no confidence in what i'm about to speak.. scared will say wrg things.. but actually come to think of it.. what will happen even if i say wrg.. the most being corrected only n i will learn fr it..



Today was stuck at doing my lab manual. Actually told qy i will be able to mk it at 4pm. But i couldn't finish writing my lab manual n i have to show superwoman 1st b4 i go do my own personal stuff. I thot my lab manual will have very little things to write in it.. but dunno hw come i juz kp writing n writing n i filled up 1/4 of the bk alr.. the subsequent results from the microbial tests n physical tests will fill up the bk nicely i guess.. at least 3/4 of the bk.. for once i really want to do sth better for my FYP.. for once i really think tht the past 4mths is really wasted.. for once i really want to do sth for superwoman to be proud of.. at least for the last 2 mths.. really thanx to LL for calling me every morning for the past few days at 8am to wake me up n get to sch.. this is the only thing i have to depend on ppl.. cos when i'm awake i'm awake.. but if i'm aslp.. i can't get myself up.. dunno y i'm so tired recently.. dunno y i kp forgetting things.. hey brain, pls stop being 4gtful.. if not will mk more n more ppl angry.. pls think abt things u need to think abt n dun tink abt things u shouldn't think. pls let go of things u should let go n dun give up on things u shouldn't give up.

A very interesting quote tht i've come across, "Always and never are 2 words tht you should always remember never to use." Haha.. contradicting.. but quite true also..

| a simple day. 6/25/2009 12:37:00 AM
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Tuesday, June 23, 2009

Nth.. nth.. nth.. nth.. nth..nth.. nth.. nth.. nth.. nth is on my mind nw.. it's blank.. alot of things.. i'm nt able to say.. angry at the wrg person. Orange rubber band sori. Dun think i should be angry wif u cos i dunno hw u felt too. Heard the wrg words.. sori lifeguard. Sori does mean sth to me n i've made sure i dun fly plane again. I haven been flying plane ever since the last incident on 18th May. Is really hear wrg. Thot is training nt running. Then decided to swim since sun my legs really cmi.. and also.. becos of another promise.. nt becos of juz tht some1 or tht sth.. I didn't say 1 thing do another. I still rmb u told me to decide depends on the situation. Noe hw i explain u all still will assume tht is becos of tht some1.. dunno if u will be even more angry n the misunderstanding will worsen after reading these.. but pls believe me.

"There's no need to explain. Because true friends will understand before you said it and friends will not believe you." - Elbert Hubbert

A song tht have been played in my ears recently..

不够成熟 - BY2

我想我还是不够成熟
还达不到你的要求
我真的没有想的太多
只是怀念你走以后
离开难道真的是解脱
难道真的要事过境迁了以后才懂
倔强说不痛假装什么伤都没有
倔强抬起头决不让眼泪往下流
倔强说不痛假装什么伤都没有
真的不难过笑着和你挥挥手
如果有一天我们有缘再见
你会不会想起说过的永远

| a simple day. 6/23/2009 11:43:00 PM
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Sunday, June 21, 2009

Fri went for mahjong session at Taufu's hse.. shopped for ingredients n did cooking in his kitchen.. old man's scrambled eggs and maggie mee, tau huey's maggie mee + campbell soup, lifeguard's maggie mee + fried hotdog, mushrm n crabstick, nt forgetting her taiwan milk tea.. taufu sat there to supervise us as he's the washing crew lata.. after the "buffet" we started playing mahjong.. very very long nvr lidat play b4 le. Last time was at secret pal's home.. which was like more than 1/2 a yr ago.. we joke we play juz like hw we use to be.. muz admit tht i gt a bit angry.. juz for a few moments cos lifeguard read out my blog entry.. i noe tht my blog is nt private anyway so it's open for any1 to read but didn't expect ppl to read it in front of me becos it's really very awkward.. wad i write is usually my reflections for the day or juz wad i feel but cannt brg myself to say out in front ppl.. dun wanna be reminded of the bad feelings i've had for the past few days.. dun wanna spoil the happy mood there.. but nvm.. anyway there's nth to hide.. after all u all are my closest frens i have nw.. shouldn't have mind/think so much.. sorry for spoiling the game.. it's juz tht a lot of things have been cooped up in me for the past few weeks.. even b4 jerangkang i've been thinking alot abt things.. thinking abt things i shouldn't even think abt.. think too much.. i muz admit tht I even ask myself do i have the right anot.. If i have a 2nd chance, i will nt choose some1's whose friendship i treasure to look over me.. some1 who understands y i like these activities so much.. some1 who will patiently talk to me when i am heading the wrg way time and again.. becos i dun want to lose a friend n i think i'm give a lot of trouble n put ppl into a dillemma.. a few days back i was still scared of my fren... i dunno y.. a few wks backk i also scared of old man.. dun dare to ask him want to join events anot.. dun dare to go near him also then i say he changed. But after a while like ok alr so maybe is i think too much. Nw it's the same situation again on a different person. A few days back i was still scared of looking for her. Ask her hw to do things. Cos i feel.. i dunno hw to face her.. i dunno wad do i have to show her b4 i find her. Luckily thanx to LL i finished mking my agar plates then i have sth to show then i begin to nt so scared of her. If i noe in the 1st place tht i will dun dare to talk to her alr i wun choose to be under her. If i noe.. All these wouldn't have happened if i have done a gd job. If i hadn't been so stubborn. If i had known my priorities. So many ifs.. cannt turn back time. Actually there's only 1 if. If only had i think of the consequences. A lot alot of things on my mind. My mind seems to be clogged up by a lot of stupid thinkings tht i shouldn't even go n think.. i dun want my only family in N to break up. Since the day they left, i have been telling myself everyday tht i dun want them to leave me again. Nt anymore. But.. it's this closeness tht brgs me into it yet it's hostility tht starts to break ppl up. Mother nature is suppose to brg peace.. guess she nvr expected these to happen. Guess she muz be angry rite nw. I want to bagpack to a faraway place fr here. If possible, juz me n those who noes hw to appreciate.. i want to find my own happiness.. i want to find back the simplicity in ppl. Ppl here are too complicated. Maybe tht's y we tend to think too much.

"If it's time to let go then let go." I used to say is nt dun want is cannt.. XP said is can but u dun want. Sometimes letting go is also a way of showing love. Sometimes only letting go then can find happiness. I rmb watching "17 again" the dad once told his daughter, "When u are young, everything seems to be the end of the world. But when u grow older n look back, these things doesn't seem so bad after all." He also told her,"U deserve some1 who will love u back the way u should be love." XP, faster return back to ur normal self.. cos we miss the jolly n happy u.

| a simple day. 6/21/2009 06:17:00 PM
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Friday, June 19, 2009

Today they are finally back! =) ADcians are finally back =D Can't describe the excitement in my heart while waiting for them to arrive.. haha.. nad n me were hiding behind the clubrm door to give them a shock n a surprise.. closed all the lights and locked the door.. 5.20pm they msg nad tht they are at the malaysia customs.. 6.10pm they msg nad again to say they are at woodlands chkpt.. when we finally caught sight of their buses fr the clubrm window we faster bend down..expecting them to come straight to the clubrm but we wait n wait n wait no1 came.. nad gt anxious so we decided to go up NAPFA area to see if they are there.. we saw them from 3rd level outside north canteen shouting cheers.. so we ran back to clubrm expecting them to come back soon.. wait n wait n wait when i finally hear the familiar "Oo-wee!" Wahaha.. in total, we waited for ard 1 hr!!! Coconut rambutan.. bloody h***.. haha.. then me n nad suddenly open the clubrm door - "Tada!" But they dun seem surprise.. only nadiah scolding us basket.. cos she tried opening the door but we locked it.. wahaha.. dunno hw come this time they came back like so tired.. esp old man.. voice gg to break soon.. hands cold cold 1.. talk until so no strength.. but soon after tht he returned to his usual self n tok n tok n tok n tok.. wahaha..so nice to see n hear their laughters again =) Saw the participants washing up the tents n basha.. like tht time we wash lidat.. play wif water.. so fun.. juz tht they treated the basha a bit nt nice.. it look like it's gonna be tear apart by them.. lucky i'm nt the basha.. return to clubrm, char n jon settling monetary stuff.. very bz.. hear them tok this tok tht.. very envy.. then fufu brief abt the nxt expedition - sea exp. Gt a shock when hear the change of dates.. thot i cannt go again.. when i hear qy say, "U chk the dates.. sure can go 1.. i happy until like dunno. 31st to 1 Aug.. Fri to Sun.. Yessa =) I wun give it a miss no matter wad.. The rest of the day i'm the camera gal.. tking photos of the post event activities.. i dunno, juz happy tht they are back safe n sound n joking again.. but then.. i'm still brooding over the stone.. old man said it's all wif secret pal but secret pal said he nvr pass to him.. sorry secret pal.. i kp bugging to help me find the stone.. cos it really matters a lot to me becos.. old man said he gt tk for me then cannt find.. abit disappointed.. but still.. shouldn't have kp bugging u for it.. know u r also very tired.. n though i've said many many times, still want to say sorry for nt buying any fd for u cos ur fav nugget store closed alr then i suddenly dunno wad to buy for u.. cos all the shops close very early during sch hols.. Actually intended to bake waffles for u guys but i scared the waffles eaten cold then nt nice alr.. so bake for LL n fiona only.. n really muz thank u for helping me brg back some waterfall water.. thanx lots.. sincerely.. everytime is u help me brg back things.. i like nvr help u brg back anything lidat.. nxt time.. nxt trip.. or if have anything special i sure jio u, set? =p

Old man left early cos he gt things on.. actually is late alr.. 10 plus.. close to 11pm we haven finish debrief.. but wad fufu said was quite rite too.. he a bit fierce when he said this.. tht we must treat debrief seriously.. we know tht every1 is rushing for time.. every1 is bz.. but debrief is a time where we can really sit down n reflect about the trip itself.. the mistakes made.. the gd points to kp.. nt juz debrief for the sake of debrief.. this is to kp the experience for our juniors to learn fr our mistakes.. old man finished saying his pc then go.. we always say he tok very long but everytime he say things is to the point 1.. nt crapping.. he everytime tk debrief seriously but we like everytime laugh at his long debrief like a bit bad.. guess it's juz his trademark alr.. tht's y we kp grinning when he begin to tok..

This morning thanx to LL tht i can wake up n go to sch almost on time (though still late by 10mins) .. credits to LL tht i can mk all my agar plates today too.. dunno y recently i become so blur.. noe i usually alr quite blur.. but recently blurrer.. kp hearing wrg things, gg to wrg place, mixing up things etc.. my brain like gg into hibernation lidat.. pls dun.. i need u to work.. pls wake up..

| a simple day. 6/19/2009 01:14:00 AM
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Thursday, June 18, 2009

Yesterday wasn't a very good day.. luckily dinner was accompanied 1/2 by LL, 1/2 by Nicholas (WT) , bong n kat.. thanx for all the jokes n for mking me laugh like dunno wad.. was showing kat the photos we took at jerangkang last yr.. actually was juz to show who is our lifeguard in adc cos she want to learn life saving also. Immediately i thot of the pics we took at jerangkang last yr so rake them out fr my comp.. suddenly fell so into it.. begin to show kat the slides we sat on.. waterfalls pics.. the mosque we slept at..the lorry we took up hill.. etc.. then bong show us a hokkien version of "umbrella" on youtube.. n hokkien version of "titanic" damn funny.. mk us laugh until dunno whr.. Went home.. well..nt really home.. went to take a loop busride on 107M.. juz felt like taking it.. dunno y..juz felt like it since i can't go cycling..

Today, should be wednesday.. but somehw it doesn't feel like wednesday to me.. so nt like wednesday.. trying to figure out y.. every wed i will be full of energy.. every wed i will be looking 4ward to sth.. ya, it's tht sth tht's missing.. 3.30pm came n i know y.. becos today there's no ATC.. empty feeling inside me.. since all the laughters gone have to mk the best out of it.. i'm late again today.. can't get myself up.. maybe there's no reason for me to wake up.. actually woke up at 7 plus.. when Fiona called i am alr packing my bag.. but i dunno y i fell into a trance thinking of dunno wad then i fall aslp.. dumb me.. stupid me.. at least i did sth today.. cook my samples for another sensory test at the end of the month.. found all the essentials to mk my agar plates thanx to fiona n LL for running up n down blk q with me.. after tht went to Gloria Jeans to buy ice coffees for Jessie, Ms Gan n for ourselves.. 1st time trying their coffee.. nt bad.. took their extreme expresso, Voltage. Nice. Long time nvr drink real deep coffee taste lidat.. LL find it too bitter but i find it juz nice. Or has my taste buds change becos of wad i'm feeling nw? Dunno.. I want to laugh like i used to.. Laugh as if i dunnid to care abt anything else.. laugh like nobody's business.. laugh a sincere laugh.. For nw i muz smile for ppl to see tht i am happy.. smile for ppl to nt worry abt me.. but i'm tired of smiling a fake smile. Laughing a false laugh. Tired. They will be coming back 2mr..juz a day more.. hang in there blue spidy..

| a simple day. 6/18/2009 12:08:00 AM
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Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Juz came back fr sch.. yeah..sch.. to send ppl off.. to jerangkang..manage nt to drop a single tear.. manage to laugh and smile to every1.. well done gal.. every1 of my wkdays n wkends will be occupied by them.. dunno wad will it be like when all of them are suddenly remove fr my life.. saw a phrase saying, "It's good for ppl to just experience a few days of blind and deaf so tht they can better appreciate light and sound." True enuff.. it may seem dumb to miss ppl when they have juz left but have to admit tht this is wad i'm feeling when i see their buses drive off.. B4 they left wise man asked me,"U aren't gg with us are u?" I answered,"Nope.. y will i?" He said,"Becos u are Ming fei.." But inside me, "I replied to myself, nope, becos i'm ming fei i shall not let history repeats itself again knowing tht this is wrong. I know nw the impression of me in a lot of ppl's eyes are wild, uncontrollable etc.. wise man said becos i've made a mistake so i have to do double to mk ppl trust me again.. he's right. This truth is cruel yet true. 1 mistake. Juz 1 wrg thinking at tht point of time n i've lost all the trust. Y did i even tk tht step tht time?

For the 1st time i feel like crying not becos of him, nt becos of nt being able to go jerangkang with them, but becos i think i've hurt some1 i respect a lot but dunno hw to approach.. nt tht she is very hard to approach.. in fact she is the most approachable teacher i've met.. wise men said,"U should know how lenient ms g is with u.." Ya, i noe.. tht mks me feel worst when she is always getting the scolding when i'm the 1 who's in the wrg.. it juz so happened tht tht day i left my jeans at mac n lost it..n so every lecturer who walk pass the lab kp staring at superwoman n me when she was talking to me.. was i caught tht day? I guess so. LL said superwoman gt scolded again by RK last wk n i was like..huh? When wasn't i in proper attire except tht day i lost my jeans.. So wad was there to stare abt in the 1st place? I promised i wun wear shorts in the lab alr means a no.. so can't they juz think tht i have a reason n stop staring us like i've juz committed a serious crime? Anyway, it's my wrg to kp changing in n out of jeans when i'm gg in n out of the lab.. should have known my forgetful brain can't work well in reminding me to brg back my jeans after i placed it on the chair. So it's my wrg again. Then look for me n stop finding trouble for superwoman.. it's nt like she nvr say me b4.. it's nt even her fault tht i'm nt in proper attire in the 1st place.. wad the h***.. wad's wrg with this sch? Wad's wrg with the teachers in it? Wad's wrg with every1.. maybe i should juz ask wad's wrg with me..

And becos, like wad old man had said, I've lost touch of the human "culture".. of apologising when i know i'm in the wrg. It's always nt my pride tht stops me but the fact tht i cannt guarantee i wun mk the same mistake again nxt time tht prevents me fr facing the music, wadeva it is, n juz kp running avoiding them. Old man always say "Problems that can be solve are not problems so dun run away from them." It's easy to say n easy to do.. for him at least.. but for me.. i dunno.. I dun want to be given up yet if i can't live up to ppl's minimal expectation then i rather be given up than to disappoint them over n over again. I want to do things nice nice alr then show superwoman. I dun want to kp asking her cos i really feel i'm a very troublesome student.. but i dun have the ability to.. i dunno a lot of things.. i have a plan n i must kp to it if nt the plan wun be a plan anymore.. but i dunno hw things wk sometimes.. esp the micro side.. i know nuts abt micro... hw am i gg to present a gd work to at least nt let superwoman down? I'm nt sure.. If only old man is here.. if only tigger is here.. If only superman is here.. If only orange spidy is here.. Dunnid to tell me wad to do juz be here.. imy alr.. 2 more days.. juz 2 more days..

不知不觉又过了几天
我想我习惯了忽略
去忽略没你的时间
不近不远走在谁身边
我想我适应了一切
这一切没你的时间
某条路某条街某首歌某间店
某种熟悉但如今却刺眼
不碰触不跨越为自己留一些安全界线

谁都以为不听不看也就没感觉
一转身才发现空气里面
依旧飘散着记忆的气味
谁有所谓或无所谓也不能改变
原来是我在爱上你的那瞬间
就困在围墙里面
多可悲围墙都在对不对

| a simple day. 6/16/2009 01:39:00 AM
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Sunday, June 14, 2009

Today.. super tired.. yesterday nite stayed up till 5am to tidy up my room.. fell aslp after tht n woke up at 10plus.. shuts.. meeting qy n the rest at amk hub at 11am. Faster msg qy say i'll be late. lucky she's nt there yet too.. faster bathe alr go out.. luckily 25 didn't tk long to reach.. we took a long long time shopping for food.. this time is a bit messier than tht time went wif lifeguard n secret pal n min. Tht time we only bought a trolley of food (nt counting in the perishables yet..) This time.. 3 trolleys.. omg.. stack stack stack.. the auntie at the counter even ask us we having party or wad.. we juz entertained her with a "camp".. for 60 ppl =o should have taken down her stunned face.. haha.. ntuc aunties willl soon get use to the mad ppl of NYP.. nt only adv club.. fd sci we also buy things lidat fr them whenever we have trials or exhibitions.. haha.. Trademark of NYP soon to be come great shoppers.. took a cab back to sch.. then sorted out the goodie bags for comm n participants.. so many so many things.. adv race gt goodie bags.. didn't know tht camps have goodie bags nw a days too.. floor strewn wif wrappers, plastic bags n boxes.. gt a bad headache after tht.. literally bad headache.. still having it nw.. dunno y it juz wun go away.. put my head on my legs to slp for a while while they were discussing about dunno wad.. after 30mins.. wake up.. 5pm alr.. soon, we all went home..

A lot of things i've seen / heard.. really a bit angry for my fren.. a bit.. i also dunno wad to say.. shouldn't bother too much but still.. feel indignant for my fren..

“We are so often caught up in our destination that we forget to appreciate the journey, especially the goodness of the people we meet on the way. Appreciation is a wonderful feeling, don't overlook it.”

“Make it a habit to tell people thank you. To express your appreciation, sincerely and without the expectation of anything in return. Truly appreciate those around you, and you'll soon find many others around you. Truly appreciate life, and you'll find that you have more of it.”

2mr they will be gg off to jerangkang.. 2nd time i wun be able to join them again.. ppl will be missed.. though it's only for 3 days.. 72 hrs.. 4320 mins...259200 secs.. all the best, ppl.. those wif old injuries pls take care.. dun tahan until cannt tahan then say.. Rmb who say "Hero dies w/n seconds." *touchwood* Adc heros shall nt die cos they are smart ppl.. =) Pray hard tht there wun be rain there. Pray hard tht the sun will not be scorching hot in the day. Pray hard tht every1 will enjoy themselves..

| a simple day. 6/14/2009 11:04:00 PM
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Yesterday.. sat under blk s to finish up my plan for the nxt 2mths.. at 1st really dunno hw n whr to start.. so dilly dally.. had wanted to start since wed but fr tht day onwards a lot of thingy to do lidat.. no "thumb".. haha.. then everytime want to start at nite, on the comp then start "farming" and quizzing on fb again.. but when fri comes, really die die muz finish.. so went down to sit on 1 of the tables and do.. can do faster when i'm there.. dunno y.. maybe more comfy? more at home? Less worry abt who is coming into the lab? Juz notice sth.. when we are at N601 (the lab we are doing things on our comp.. also the analytical lab..), whenever we hear the door open, every pair of eyes will turn to the door to see who isit.. i dunno is every1 feeling the same anot.. but for me.. a bit.. ok.. quite.. ok.. very.. disturbing cos heart cannt be fully paying attention to the things i'm doing.. becos always wondering who will be coming in.. isit any1 of the lecturers? Or.. dunno. Juz dun feel as at home as when i was in yr 2 1st sem.. dun like the tension in the lab..so if i need work to be done i wun be in there unless cooking is needed. Haiz.. dunno y a "home" become like a war place.. have to be on guard every moment.. hate it.. nvm.. juz saying my pc of mind..

Finished work at 3pm.. went to clubrm ard 5pm.. wise man had sth in store for us.. 2 shelters and an aluminium table.. and 2 bags of safety ropes.. so many new thingys for storerm.. the shelters damn zai 1.. like a big basha but more user-frenly.. somemore can change inside 1.. after building up the basha we went to the pool to try out the safety ropes.. nt easy to throw.. esp the 16m 1.. secret pal throw damn zai.. coil coil coil then throw.. the rope always manage to get to the victim.. for once he's nt hot.. cool sh*t.. haha.. want to learn until like him.. but think still need a lot of practise.. after tht went to repair tent poles cos they need tents for the participants at jerangkang.. like doing jigsaw puzzle lidat.. fix fix fix.. finding heads/ends to fit the bodies.. somemore initially dunno the length.. like war lidat.. alot of ppl angry.. but we are "family" wad..so very fast ok alr.. no overnite wars between family 1 rite? Somemore "True frens will always come back to u." rite? Was so happy to find the correct length at last.. haha.. went home ard 10pm..

Today.. woke up at 7am.. think still gt time.. went back to slp.. cos yesterday nite talk online till 2 plus..very very slpy.. haha.. so long nvr talk to yanchang le.. yessa! Gt partner to run wif me for 21km 1/2 army =) Happy =D Still nt sure eddry joining not.. heard abt her scary, traumatising encounter wif the 4 bullies n a gal.. after tht think nite cycling better.. at least can cycle away fr big bullies.. if run, i sure get outrun 1.. started to wash shoes wash clothes at 10 plus.. brush 2 pairs of my shoes, 1 hr each.. cos they are super dirty.. 1 fr ATC.. 1 is my blue mizuno.. tht 1 nt very dirty juz feel like washing it.. then wash all my socks n shoe laces also.. all at 1 go.. packing up my room now.. a big spring cleaning.. met old man go IT fair today.. meet secret pal there.. cos he buying a digi cam.. then need recommendations.. of cos nt fr me.. i'm electronics noob.. we stand outside the fair dunno for hw long listening to old man explain SLR n DSLR, their functions.. which 1 more worth it.. blah blah blah.. if only this 1 comes out for tests.. "List the differences between SLR and DSLR." "Explain how the lens works in each." "Define megapixel." wahaha.. sure gt full marks 1.. after a while we went in.. inside is ppl mountain ppl sea.. luckily this time nt so bad.. at least i'm wearing crocs so my toes are nt stepped on.. went to see a lot alot of gadgets.. cameras, mp3, speakers, keyboards.. alot alot.. actually i also dunno i looking for wad.. then secret pal saw an mp 3 selling only at $39.. but no screen 1.. i like his objective of wanting to buy it.. juz feel tht he is nt some1 who will express his feelings very easily but through his actions can see.. very warm.. no wonder clara always say he spend money for others but nt for himself.. After tht we went to the crocs sales.. off road 1s sold out.. so secret pal bought another type also orange 1 but lighter orange cos tht 1 is the only colour left nice.. then he have to leave for work alr.. old man n me went to lvl 6 to see keyboards and speakers.. the speakers damn cool lah.. the sound damn nice.. but nt like i need 1 in my room.. muz budget nw.. cannt buy things i dunnid.. old man bought the speakers though cos his rm need to replace a speaker.. after buying tht then go home alr.. can't believe we spent ard 3 1/2 hrs at the fair.. then 4gt to eat breakfast and lunch.. damn hungry.. but dunno y i juz had a muffin and a bubble tea full alr.. actually planned to go novena and beach rd 1.. but then no "thumb" also.. plus the speakers tht old man carried is damn "light"..so no go.. went home to continue my packing of rm.. want my room to be nice and tidy.. 2mr nt gg rockmaster alr.. gg to buy food wif qy at amk hub.. then maybe go watch movie wif yan chang.. haiz.. last time watch wif life guard n tau huey, nw wif yanchang n her bf.. everytime i be the light bulb.. like a bit nt paiseh lidat..

Dunno y recently i weird weird 1.. actually i dunno myself.. is secret pal say,"Y u recently like to self-high?" Then i think, ya hor.. wad's wrg wif me? Hw come i kp talking rubbish recently.. i only know i'm happy becos qy teaching me guitar soon. Happy becos of.. preparing things wif them for jerangkang.. happy becos i'm doing sth at adc.. happy becos of.. nth else i guess.. then wad so happy abt? Dunno hw when they are gone? Am i trying too hard to be happy? Suddenly miss biking.. suddenly miss kayaking.. suddenly miss cooking my milo and egg.. suddenly miss my salty egg at jerangkang.. suddenly miss carrying my trekking bag n wearing my aqua shoes.. suddenly miss the gushing of waterfall..

| a simple day. 6/14/2009 12:03:00 AM
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Thursday, June 11, 2009

Suddenly feel like uploading some of the long forgotten photos.. scared of losing them cos i always misplace this, forget tht.. n i dun take photos of things i dun want to rmb.. = these are some of the moments tht i want to kp in my heart..

Qy after 42.195km =) (Hope you dun mind me putting this up =))

Clear blue sky.

Wonder y i always look up to the sky? These are wad i see.. some say i'm day dreaming.. i'm nt.. juz appreciating wad's in life tht are given to us.. We dun see the beauty in things when they are all ard us. It is only noticed when it is taken away fr us.

Juz nw went to shop for food for upcoming expedition jerangkang.. wif secret pal, lifeguard n min. Every cent must be spent carefully taking into consideration of whether the food will last, whether isit too heaty for the participants, whether the amount is enuff for all and also the variety of the food. Suddenly we all become like "aunties".. haha.. but i like the feeling of shopping n thinking of wad to prepare.. alot of "Tht time we brg xx, xx spoil..", "Tht time we brg xx a lot of ppl like..", "Tht time we used xx to cook xx..".. A lot of tht times.. suddenly i think, when was my last time i cook in the waterfalls n mountains wif these ppl? Last time wif lifeguard was jerangkang, last time wif min, lifeguard, dragonfly, kama n old man was at stong.. 6th Oct to 11th Oct.. i will nvr 4gt the dates.. jiamin call me a walking calendar.. i juz rmb the things tht are imprinted in my heart.. nt tht my memory is good. Last times.. when will there be a next time? Seems so far away.. I won't show.. will nvr show.. will nvr whine abt it..promise. Ppl dun like to hear. So i wun show. But i juz miss it..tht's all.

| a simple day. 6/11/2009 01:22:00 AM
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Juz came back fr ADC training.. blogg while waiting for some1 to hire me to harvest rice.. muz think i'm crazi again rite? Wrg.. addicted to farm town n barn buddy quite sometime ago so have being checking in n out of them to mk sure my crops dun go to waste n ppl dun steal my plants or grow buggies n weedies on them =p

Haven been blogging abt ATC (adventure trail challenge 09').. Tht day, as usual, woken up by old man's call (though i didn't ans cos is he put down alr then i wake up) 6.12am.. n i'm suppose to meet him at the bustop at 6.30am.. but luckily i clever this time.. knew i wun wake up on time cos the nite b4 went nite cycling so bathe at 4am, packed my race bag n deposit bag alr, lay them beside me then go slp.. so all i have to do is brush my teeth, grab my things n i'm good to go =D So no late.. Old man was sooooo happy tht finally there's 1 adv race starting near our territory.. dunnid to wake up so early to reach is 1 thing. Another thing is he knows the place well so we wun have any prob travelling fr chk pt to chk pt.. =) We reached compass point (the starting pt) at abt 7.15am.. secret pal reach nt long after n we had almost raw eggs n toast for breakfast.. after tht sleepy heads start to appear.. esp fufu.. cos he dunno which nerves went wrg.. play comp games the whole nite nvr slp.. piang eh.. qy's eyes also like smaller than usual.. only lifeguard like the most awake 1.. secret pal kp talking abt his slippers.. cos he forgot to brg.. fr the moment he reach until we deposit the bags he still talking abt it.. piang eh.. min waited for us at the open field.. jiamin cabbed down cos she woke up at 7am thinking tht it's still 6am.. didn't even have breakfast.. luckily min gt mamee for her.. the depositing of bag also damn funny.. dunno wad happened to me.. almost deposited the race bag n take my shoe bag along.. luckily old man saw then pass the race bag to tell min to hold it.. wahaha.. guess i'm having a post concussion syndrome.. (cos gt knocked on the head by the red white rod used to block out cars while i was cycling out of downtown east the nite b4)

When we were all settled at the isolation area, we were told tht we are to flag off 4 teams by 4 teams..tht means we can only start at 9.20am.. piang eh.. jiamin could have taken mrt down somemore have a proper breakfast lo.. fufu could have slept a few more hrs.. anyway.. nvm.. said hi to jia hui, norman n their teams.. kama gave me a tight tight hug b4 we set off =D So nice to race with the alumnis again.. we started off by running towards punngol jetty.. b4 we even reach our 1st cp we are alr.. ahem.. muddy.. cos we have to cross a "hole" (actually nt a hole but i dunno wad to call tht..) have to go down a steep slope into the muddy water and across under a "net" n "crawl up a steep muddy slope.. jiamin kp saying,"My SHOE!!! I juz wash yesterday... " Old man still rub salt on her "wound"..say,"Somemore white 1.." Wahahaha.. Lesson learnt.. no white shoes during adv race unless u dun mind them getting black after tht =p My orange-white asics alr being through "ups-n-downs" wif me alr.. think it has alr gt use to the mud i gave it.. muahahaha.. still rmb when i juz bought it in july last yr i brought it to 1/2 army marathon then after the race i step into the carnival area.. oh no! There goes the white n fr then on it's orange-brown =p kk, back to the race..

After we cross tht "hole", we reach the nxt muddy water point.. only 1 person need to cross over to tk a jigsaw pc.. old man volunteered himself n cos he was tall so walk walk 3 steps then reach alr.. after tht we continued running till we reach punggol beach.. tht's where we did our kayaking.. old man n me, min n jiamin.. hey, rhymes man.. we have to paddle to a buoy n see the pic on it which is juz a T lah.. b4 leaving me n jiamin 4gt to tk off life jkt then want to run alr.. haha.. dunno wad happened to my brain tht day.. *shake head x2*

After tht came river crossing.. actually tht 1 nt even river lah.. there's a line running across it n the person told us nt to use it as our safety line.. we can put our hands on it but cannt pull.. i dunno y my hands on top then when i about to fall i pull it.. 4gt all abt wad the ppl there say cannt pull.. hai jiamin fell on a rock.. luckily it wasn't serious.. super super sorry.. *shake head x 3* after tht we continue running till we see bikes =) I thot very ez.. the bike super nice to ride.. but...the path was.. omg.. the sand is soft soft 1.. so the wheels will jam into the sand 1.. hafta kp getting off n push.. somemore gt 1 is a "S" shape route which we have to push down a slope, go up then down again then up again.. k lah.. but after a while gt use alr then can le.. after the bike we ran to edgefield pri.. supposed to rock climb there..but becos it drizzled a bit n the rockwall is slippery so tht station was forgoed.. we rested there for abt 20mins then we set off again this time to an open field.. pc up the jigsaw we collected there.. then ran to my favourite station - ABSEILING!!! =D Blk 185C.. near yy's hse somemore =) We abseiled down a 4-storey carpark.. pretty fast.. then off we headed for the end pt =D

this pic's a bit blur as i use my hp to tk the photo printed out for us on tht day.. but i like this photo.. alot alot.. fr the bottom of my heart =)

For this race i'm a bit blur.. i dunno y.. luckily this time old man no cramp.. almost only.. but like nt as tiring as other races we've went.. i like the disciplines of this race.. cos i think out of all the races i've gone to.. this is the 2nd race tht i think is like an adv race.. (still cannt fight wif safra adventura =p) get ppl all muddy n dirty.. n the terrain very wilderness like.. nt urban.. i like.. =) I like.. becos this race is wif my team =)

Mon, the juniors went jerangkang training.. secret pal spent 3hrs wif me.. juz to teach me the basics of life-saving.. i understand all his theories juz tht when it comes to teaching.. i really have no confidence.. esp there were quite a few ppl in the room.. somemore wise man came in to talk to qy i think about the climbrun thingy.. i a bit scared.. cos.. actually i still have no confidence of myself.. i scared i teach wrong things how? I scared i say wrong things how? After a while, i really CMI alr, lifeguard ask me to go out walk walk, go toilet then come back teach again.. i went to sit at the staircase to think through the steps n hw am i suppose to get back my confidence.. but i have no idea.. until lifeguard saw me sitting there then tell me secret pal looking for me alr.. here goes.. wed is the lesson alr.. cannt lidat.. so i went in again to teach silas n henry.. this time i'm better.. maybe becos wise man isn't there.. only henry n silas.. but i still gt stuck at some points.. i was like.. omg.. hw am i gg to teach on wed... dun wanna throw secret pal's face.. dun wanna screw up his training also..

Wed came.. went for campus rd run.. finish the run.. the shirt seroiusly damn ugly.. though the material quite good.. i think i shall use it as my pyjamas.. haha.. 6.15pm we started our stations.. henry n me at 1 station.. dunno y i can juz talk naturally today. Though wise man was juz standing beside my station teaching clara, faris swimming.. but i juz went on with my "lesson".. Very happy tht at least i juz talk like i normally do.. nt panick alr.. juz tell myself i know my stuff alr.. juz need to speak out.. 1st grp.. left out some info so i reinforce after they finish trying out the 3 steps.. 2nd grp, i rmbed wad i left out and also thanx to henry for some reminders.. so everything was quite ok.. but still i think i'm nt a very gd teacher yet.. cos i dunno crowd control.. secret pal n old man very zai.. always can get ppl's attention n gather ppl very ezily.. for me, i paiseh.. also dunno paiseh for wad.. juz paiseh to shout for ppl to come to me.. but nvm.. at least today i nvr screw up anything for secret pal.. n really really THANK YOU for teaching me secret pal.. i say u teach me is nt the point i want to brg across is becos the point i want to brg across is muz ask n know ur stuff b4 the training on wed so if dunno can go to those who specialise in tht area to ask them abt it.. but i really thank you for giving me a chance to feel hw teaching ppl is like n having confidence in me n henry tht we won't screw up ur station for u.. =)

Last thing, thanx yy =D I like the card u made for me.. though i say it looks like trees, umbrellas.. but actually i know wad u drawing alr.. haha.. juz tht i dun wan to say only =p
Appreciate ur efforts.. thanx.. i like it =)

Kk, tht's all for nw.. nitez..

| a simple day. 6/11/2009 12:15:00 AM
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Sunday, June 7, 2009

I should be slping rite nw.. but my hair haven dry yet.. juz returned back fr a cycle round pcn again.. juz felt the need to go there.. 2mr's another big day for me.. my 5th adv race.. surprisingly this time i nvr prepare a lot.. nt mentallly, nt equipmently.. partially is becos they say we are not allowed to brg any of our own equipments.. but somehw.. juz felt uneasy.. went to sit somewhere to "negotiate" wif myself n my legs.. 1st thing 1st: Pls dun give way 2mr..i promise i will give u gd rest after tht.. haha.. maybe u guys will think i'm crazi.. but it's my legs n sometimes if u talk to it it will "listen".. juz like if u protect ur equipments, ur equipments will protect u.. other than tht, there's a lot of things in my mind.. cos this time is nt juz me n old man.. i dunno..juz felt very weird.. dunno y juz felt tht a lot alot of things still in my mind but i can't figure out what are they.. for this time, we didn't sit down n talk or discuss abt wad each should do.. i dunno if there will be chemistry amg 4 ppl.. i scared tht.. haiz..nvm.. muz enjoy as this may be our last 2nd race.. muz treasure..

Anyway, today was quite fun.. 1 of my very few visits to sim lim.. didn't really know about the things there.. but enjoyed looking at the items there or maybe juz enjoy walking sbs wif old man.. lata lifeguard will be taking the place of cp.. read cp's blog.. can't believe tears actually escape fr my eyes.. nt tht i know her fren.. but.. images kp flashing in my mind while reading her entry.. wad if..*touchwood*.. i dun wanna think abt the bad things.. dun wanna imagine.. juz wanna treasure n hold on wad's in front of me nw..

A song i like alot since quite long ago..

我喜欢妳的眼神 温柔又危险

| a simple day. 6/07/2009 03:30:00 AM
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Saturday, June 6, 2009

Did my sensory test on thu.. felt abit scared.. wad if nobody come for my sensory? Wad if ppl dun think it's nice? Wad if ppl try once then dun wanna try a 2nd time alr? A lot of wad ifs... Didn't prepare myself well tht day cos didn't buy the ingredients the day before..thot nxt morning still can buy.. went to hougang mall, dun have the tomatoes i want.. hougang point, duun have.. in the end have to go sch 1st then go to amk hub to buy.. by the time i reached back was alr 11pm.. so my sensory test had to be delayed.. till 2.45pm then start.. thanx to Shanshan n superwoman.. if nt for them my test sure buang.. cos i need to go other rm to tk out my samples.. need to warm up commercial sauce too.. need to boil spaghetti, put them into small serving cups..etc.. the rm was totally like restaurant city.. n inside were only superwoman, me n shan shan rushing here there everywhere.. ppl knocking on the panels to signal tht they have finished. But we didn't know how to identify cos all panels were closed and at some point of time a few knocked tgt.. shan shan had a hard time guessing which windoow to open.. i was bz preparing the samples.. tried to help a bit but couldn't really hear which windows to open either.. muz really thank shan shan n sock.. though my project has nth to do with them they still run in run out for me..helping me get ppl, asking me enuff ppl anot.. N superwoman too.. cos she should only be supervising me n nt helping me out during my sensory evaluation.. Luckily after a while things went quite smoothly.. we finally finish at 5.40pm n started to clear up..

After tht went for biathlon trial.. only swim 1 lap run 1 round then went back home.. this is 1 of the few times tht we go back home b4 9pm i think..haha.. then i rmb i hadn't eaten anything since morning except for a few choco beans n vitasoy.. hungry..haha.. no1 gg to dinner somemore.. secret pal go meet clara.. luckily old man eating dinner so went hougang mall eat.. stop at the 2nd level cos i rmb there's a dessert store there.. their dessert quite nice n special... somemore i really long long long long time nvr touch durian alr.. so went to eat durain shave ice.. my reward after a long day =p old man ate sth tht i nvr really eaten b4.. gt see at chinatown b4 but i think i nvr taste b4.. black n white sesame paste.. i'm gg back there to try nxt time.. =)

Fri.. omg.. can't believe i wake up to LL's call.. still ask her wad time.. it's alr close to 12pm.. but i want to move my body dun want to move.. i juz lay there like paralyse lidat.. i also dunno y.. yesterday wasn't really very tiring.. but my body juz dun want to wake up.. eyes juz kp closing.. in the end i juz gave in to it.. lay there until i finally can get up it's alr 5 pm.. die alr.. miss 1 day sch.. by the time i reach sch it's alr 6pm.. saw old man walking out.. didn't say hi cos my hands were full, mouth also drinking bubble tea.. paiseh, like a bit rude but then.. nvm.. went to clubrm.. actually i also dunno i go there for wad.. to brg back my shoes? I think so.. Secret pal let me listen to 1 song..say tht song suits me.. I think quite true.. haha.. but alll in all the tune also nice lah.. li jiu zhe's Xiang Tai Duo (Think too much) After a while, lifeguard locked up the clubrm, me n secret pal went to sports hall to boulder.. actually a bit scared of bouldering.. cos top rope if u fall u noe u can fal back on ur harness.. but boulder.. if u fall wrongly then u may sprain ur ankle or hurt ur legs.. i'm nt afraid of injured but nt before 2mr's ATC.. so abit scared i cannt race.. but still, juz go lah.. secret pal say wad, "U go outside rd, touchwood, also may get bang by car rite?" haha.. true true.. so i juz went lo.. boulder fr the left to right then right to left.. then tried a route secret pal gave.. CMI.. Secret pal taught me hw to drop knee.. then easier to "stand up" from the bottom.. tht time rp climbmax all of us stuck there.. now all learning hw to "stand up".. secret pal also taught me how to sit in.. but only on the "special" rock on the right.. Then did sets as cool down..crunches, bridges, the abs 1, leg raise, then push up.. need to train up my muscle grps again.. damn CMI me.. *shake head* Wad's the use if i can only run.. haiz.. bathe alr then go eat dinner.. talk n talk for very very long.. is not all blank talk only.. alot of experiences shared.. really nt ez to take up responsibilities.. esp of other ppl's life.. gain a lot of insights to wad the job actually requires.. n mind over body..

Sometimes i wonder y n hw ppl fall in love.. isit becos of the other's good point? Or isit becos they know the other's bad point alr yet still can't help liking them so u know u really love them? Maybe? Juz a thot.. kk, gg cycling nw.. till then..

| a simple day. 6/06/2009 10:55:00 AM
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Thursday, June 4, 2009

The food lab is filled with laughters again.. maybe it did, juz tht i overlooked them cos i was concentrating on my own sadness.. u can't hear laughters when u juz kp on thinking tht "i'm sad.." though they are all ard u.. so muz tell urself "i'm sad but there are ppl ard me who r in worst situation too.." then u can feel the happiness n smile =) Restaurant city, taboo, farm town... omg.. thot will be so alone when yx, yj, bl, bert are away for their attachment.. but nope.. =)

Hmm..Went to attend a "solemn" ceremony today.. haha.. ok lah.. nt really very solemn.. it's the painting of the dragon eyes of the new dragon boats tht the dragon boaters juz gotten.. we were like challenging the SU ppl see whose grp are the loudest in welcoming the VIP.. the place is where old man n me kayak for safra adventura.. still rmb tht time we were only allow to use a paddle to paddle a double kayak n most pairs or rather all the 1s w/o paddle used their hands to "help" paddle too which was actually adding resistance to the kayak only.. old man paddled most of the time cos my sense of direction in the double kayak really couldn't mk it.. lifeguard was at tht station too n we still shared our sour worms wif her..haha.. nice memories =) Didn't have a gd look at the place as we were in the midst of race tht time.. today had a gd look at the surrounding.. the place is very nice.. a lot of greeneries n fresh air.. ran back to sch fr there.. along the way there was also nice country-side sceneries.. saw some "houses" (i think is condo..) among the greeneries.. they look so much like those houses i've picture in Enid Blyton's stories when i was reading them at the age of 7.. =)

When we returned to sch, we went for a swim in the pool. Actually, i've began to like swimming again ever since.. i think is tht day old man taught me a bit of free style n wise man taught me a bit of frog style.. dunno y..regain my interest in swimming again.. i dun really like swimming when i was in sec cos i always targeted myself to finish 25 to-n-fro laps in 1hr 30mins.. and i grew tired of it.. it became a routine tht i had to force myself to do n i hate it. So i became afraid of swimming. Guess my main enemy is pressure. I will begin to dislike things when i'm forced to do it. Juz like running, swimming n playing piano. It's until recently tht all these 3 came back into my life (other than running which nvr disappear fr my life b4..) n i've start to like them again tht i realize i used to hate them all becos of 1 reason, i'm forced to do them. N the ironic thing is, i'm forced by myself. Nt any1 but myself. Perfectionism. It doesn't match well with me yet in some way i have to admit tht i was 1. Now, i'm juz seeking happiness in these sports rather than excel. If i can run faster than the last time i did, i will be happy. But if i can't, i shall juz slowly jog n enjoy the breeze. If i can swim 1 more lap, i shall do it. If i can't, then i shall lie on my back n juz let the water carry me. Sports should be de-stressing n not distressing.. if only i had thot this way back then..

Read this short "poem" on a postcard i bought fr amk hub..

I got up early 1 morning and rushed right into the day ;
I had so much to accomplish tht i didn't have time to pray.
Problems just tumbled about me and heavier came each task.
"Why didn't God help me?" I wondered.
He answered,"You didn't ask."

I wanted to see joy and beauty but the day toiled on grey and bleak.
I wondered y God didn't show me,
He said,"You didn't seek."
I tried to come into God's presence ;
I used all my keys at the lock,
God gently and lovingly chided,
"My child, you didn't knock."

I woke up early this morning and paused before entering the day;
I had so much to accomplish that I had to take time to pray.

I like this poem cos i think it's quite enlightening and meaningful.. Even if u are not a Christian, this poem may applies to anyone too. A lot of things we nvr ask, nvr seek, we'll nvr know. If u need help, ask for it. If u dun ask for it, no1 will know tht u have a prob n come for your help. I like the "keys" part too.. sometimes ppl try so hard, so many methods juz to get the things they want n yet they fail to do so when actually all they need to do is ask. A lot of us dun dare to ask, i am 1 such person. Be it paiseh, throw face, pride etc.. but i've come to know 1 thing: U will definitely miss every shot that u didn't shoot. It's a phrase i saw on a basketball advert recently.. yup, these are my thots for the day..

Spidy signing off.

| a simple day. 6/04/2009 12:53:00 AM
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Wednesday, June 3, 2009

It's juz nt long ago b4 my last entry but i'm here to blog again.. juz nw went to lib to practise my long 4gotten piano skills.. my interest for piano begin to pick up again partially by carlos.. becos he wants to learn fur elise.. i rmbed playing tht song b4.. it wasn't really a difficult song.. actually it's a grade 2 standard.. but i seriously 4gtten my piano skills alr.. so couldn't even rmb hw to play tht song.. so trying to refresh my memories of it.. found a nt bad place to practise.. the lib's cafe.. it's the only place where u can have free access to the piano... jus tht no.1, need to wait for a long time b4 it's ur turn.. 2ndly, a lot of ppl there, a bit paiseh.. 3rdly, i 1 yr nvr touch alr, quite lousy, scared ppl laugh.. so can only go at the hours when i know nt many ppl will be there n tht is in the evening when the cafe is closed. Gt quite addicted to playing it alr.. so sometimes when i'm free juz go there play abit.. this time i enjoy it better than when i was much younger.. maybe my patience have grown.. maybe becos i'm nt under stress to learn exam pieces.. i dunno.. juz felt different this time =)

Today was super hungry, so went to dinner wif tau huey, lifeguard n bong.. k lah.. tht's nt the real reason.. reason being.. i like very very long nvr eat dinner wif them alr.. the last time was like the laksa at novena? which was like 17th May? Really very very long nvr see them lidat.. miss the dinners we had.. went to eat chicken rice which i normally wun eat cos scared fattening.. the last time i ate was at plaza sing.. old man took me there to eat cos there was nth else nice and budget ard tht area.. tht was like in jan? 1/2 a yr nvr touch chicken rice n to think i used to eat chicken rice below blk 929 tampines st 91 every sat after coming home fr child care centre n every fri after my swimming lessons at bedok swimming complex.. tht was when i was in pri 1 n 2.. sometimes i really miss the pri sch me.. dunnid to think so much.. though gullible n naive, still there were no worries.. the only thing to worry abt is homework.. if only time can be reversed..

| a simple day. 6/03/2009 01:25:00 AM
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Tuesday, June 2, 2009

Guess where am i nw? I'm at the lvl 1 of blk s.. there's newly installed chairs n tables as well as fans n lights there.. actually was suppose to have lunch wif ll n jessie.. but then hor.. haiz..4gt it.. their lunch became staff lunch n i didn't wanna be the extra 1.. so went down to blk n canteen.. there no space also.. like hungry ghost festival.. so juz grab a honey coffee n went down to do my "admin" stuffs.. haha.. lots of lots of stuff.. k lah.. mostly is races n runs.. but nope.. 4gt to include in my last post.. after the 42.195km i think i'm almost done wif races.. should let my legs rest n my pocket to mend up its big big hole alr.. this yr is a crazi yr..for me at least.. see this run = join.. see tht race = join.. actually my aim is to try out all types of runs n races n distances ever since my 1st 1/2 army marathon.. to try out the different routes they have to offer.. 1/2 army 08', real run, great eastern women's run, stand-chart, ocbc cycle, passion run, sub-urban, salomon, sundown.. safra Rough Ramble, DARE II, SMU adrace, Rp Advonture de Republic, ATC, Pinnacle 09'.. It's n eye-opener yr for me.. It's time for me to join races selectively nxt yr.. maybe this coming 1/2 army is a conclusion? To close where i've started? Dunno.. I'm nt tired of running.. at least nt for nw.. still haven tried mt faber n shape run.. but juz get the feeling it's time to mk a choice of wad type of races to join instead of joining blindly, aimlessly.. on top of tht, there's a lot of places i want to trek but haven been to.. muz start saving up nw.. training shall nt stop cos i still like running.. n i really wish to be like aunty (yc's mummy).. still can run until old age.. there's also 1 more thing i want to try.. triathlon!!! Omg.. it's so damn exp.. but i've nvr try b4.. wanna see if i can tahan anot.. it's 25.75km total dist. but it 750m swim, 20km bike n 5km run (the sprint category) still thinking abt it.. $74.90.. omg.. haiz..nvm.. still gt a bit of time to think..

Went to safra yishun again.. for race clinic for this sun's ATC 09'.. went back home to bathe, slpt for 2hrs then out again.. legs freaking pain.. eyes wanna close alr.. but still i guess the runner's high is still w/n me brain to kp me awake n talking n talking n talking.. haha.. went there wif jiamin n old man.. saw a lot of familiar faces.. jia hui n norman!! Nvr seen them since the last race.. jia hui damn zai..say wanna join the ULTRAMARATHON nxt yr.. omg.. i'll nvr join tht man.. cos i think i wun have the mental to run the same freaking long route 2 rounds.. it's like u finally completed 1/2 n very happy then oh no.. another round of the same freaking long, gruelsome route.. haha.. tht's y i really salute those marathoners n ultramarathoners.. aiseh.. jia hui they all joining pinnacle also!!! =) Saw vjc peeps too.. n edwin, my track senior in nyjc.. long long time nvr see him he still look the same.. n the best thing was he also went for the sundown the nite before but i nvr see him.. k lah.. nt surprising.. so many ppl there hw to see.. a lot of ppl were also wearing the 42km finisher shirt of sundown.. saw kama, zul, james n helmi there too..they also joining!! We did the abseiling quite fast.. then old man had to rush off.. me n jiamin went to the swimming test though i didn't go in cos really very tired n lazi to go swim.. lepak at the massage chair there till 6.30pm then went in for the briefing.. the "briefer" damn funny n cartoon.. k lah.. dun laugh at ppl.. i myself also nt a very gd "briefer".. but seriously, this also unranked, tht also dq.. lata at the end of the race nobody is ranked then hw? HAha.. kk, talking rubbish..

Nw a lot of ppl walking past me kp talking n checking out this place.. super noisy, irritated, distured etc.. getting out of here nw.. till then =)

| a simple day. 6/02/2009 02:32:00 PM
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