Thursday, April 30, 2009
Yesterday was horrible..today was better.. gt a day off becos i'm sick.. took a day off sth i hated..yes..hated..means it's past tense.. talked to a wise man.. ya..wise..used to think he's wise alr.. but dunno y today he seemed wiser.. sometimes things are lay out clear enuff for u to see wad's rite, wad's wrg, wad's impt n wad's nt..but sometimes it's juz tht i can't mk myself do the rite thing..it's the mindset. it's the attitude. Only if i change my attitude towards things, it wun seem so bad. The world wun change for u. U have to change ur attitude to live in it. Education, family, then club. But in btw family n club, somewhere lies ur frens. This is hw priorities should go. It's still nt properly rooted in my heart yet. (If i say it is nw juz after a nite's talk i would be lying) But set, i'm gg to try to change my attitude, at least towards my FYP. After all, the beginning of a marathon is to take the 1st step isn't it? Wise man is wise. Treat us like his children yet talk to us like a fren. Dun reprimand us like a father does but guide us along the way like a father will do. Can't imagine wad isit to be like his children..ok..my imagination running wild again.. but juz feel lucky to have met such a teacher in my life.. other than my pri sch teacher Mrs Charles n Ms Neo..
Today was secret pal's 1st training session, though nt official 1st, training us (the adcians)..can't really get use to the solemn him, though pk is a lot more strict n solemn than him, but is like 70% of the jolly him gone.. maybe tht should be the way of a trainer to instill discipline? I dunno.. Anyway, did 2 rounds of warm up, stretching, line up at the bench, stations which the inclined was again my killer.. my 2.4 km also deproved..by a lot alot.. die..my physical level is dropping.. n i dun want it to be so.. sad, sadded, saddened..disappointed wif myself..all i should do n can do is to train but i can nvr seem to break the 10km mark n i can nvr find time to run everyday again like i used to.. isit becos i'm mking excuses for myself? Guess i'm becoming lazier n lazier..
Today ended..like lemon..walk away is wad i should do but didn't manage to.. felt better after talking (to some1, nt to myself) for 3 hrs plus.. Less burden on the heart. Felt lighter somehw. Suppose to be the 1 consoling tht person but it turns out to be the opposite way..but at least i gt the msg across ..change my view of this person.. though alot younger than me but is able to sort out her/his thots so fast..able to prioritize his time too.. wish i could do tht too..
Recently came across a webby tht tells bible stories for children..gt engrossed reading all the stories..i'm at the ols testament nw.. if u guys have time may want to have a look at the website..it's really nice..
http://www.essex1.com/people/paul/bible.html| a simple day. 4/30/2009 04:13:00 AM
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Tuesday, April 28, 2009
Below is a story i nvr gt to tell yesterday nite when secret pal say a plate of fish n chips maybe can feed 4 ppl but pk say stop it sia..it somehw reminds me of this story i heard when i was still in Bethesda when i was pri 5.. Juz to share..whether u believe anot.
A conversation this morning tells me i'm nt fit to be in the club.. ppl inside are not lidat 1..y am i? Every1 noes hw to prioritise y dun i? It's ez to fall into sth but difficult to get out.. i will nvr fall for anything anymore..cos cannt pull myself out when it's time.. begin to lose heart in the things i should do n hate it becos it somehw made me give up things i love.. superwoman told me i shouldn't hate it for this reason cos i'm doing myself a favour by completing it nt any1 else but myself..but i cannt control hw i feel.. it's until this morning when superwoman asked me do i still have the heart to carry on anot, tht i realise i haven come to a compromise wif myself.. no matter hw many times i repeat to myself i'm juz lying to myself.. 4gt it..i'm juz nt cut out to be like wn..to be like yc.. to be like rafi.. to be like char.. to be like my secret pal.. nt cut out to even be a member.. Secret pal..tell me wad to do can?
| a simple day. 4/28/2009 11:51:00 AM
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The miracle of 5 loaves of bread and 2 fishes:One bright day Jesus took his apostles into the desert to teach them privately...However, as they went the people heard and started to follow them. The sick, the weary of heart, and the curious followed into the desert hoping for miracles or just simply to understand; Jesus welcomed all of them. He told them about the kingdom of God and healed them of their sicknesses… Many hearts were changed that day! As the sun began to set in the west, his apostles began to worry. “Lord shouldn’t we send the people away…so they can find food and a place to sleep?” Jesus looked at them and said, “Give them food and let them eat.” “But Lord, we don't have anything to give... There is only a boy who has only five loaves and two fishes, should we go into the town and buy more food? There are five thousand men here, not including the women and children,” they answered.“No, just go and make them sit down in groups of fifties.” Jesus said with a sparkle in his eye. So that’s just what the apostles did. They wondered what Jesus was planning on doing. When everyone was quiet and settled down in their groups Jesus looked towards heaven, all the people grew silent. Jesus took the five loaves and the two fishes praying, He blessed the food and asked God to do a miracle. Jesus began to break the food into pieces and gave it to His apostles to give it to the people. Everyone was sitting in wonder as they watched the miracle enfold before their eyes. They sat and ate the meal in awe and felt blessed. It was a miracle! When all the people were full, and everyone had eaten some, the apostles collected the leftovers and there were twelve baskets of food left! Jesus fed the multitude of more than 5,000 people that day.
| a simple day. 4/28/2009 11:51:00 AM
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Monday, April 27, 2009
zhi dao ni bu tai hui du hua yu, suo yi yong hua yu da chu wo xian zai de gan jue.. qi shi zhen de you hua yao shuo..ke shi bu zhi dao wei shen mo jiu shi shuo bu chu kou.. xia le che shen mo dou wang le.. ni yi ding shi zai qi wo..qi wo wei shen mo zhe mo gu zhi, wei shen mo jiang bu ting.. qi shi wo ye zai qi zi ji..wei shen mo xin hai shi fang bu xia ni..wei shen mo mei ci gen zi ji shuo bu yao gen zhe ni jiao que pian pian bu ting hua.. wo tao yan zhe yang de zi ji.. zhuang kai xin zhen de hen jia, hen nan ye hen tong.. you shi ye zai xiang ni shi fou zai hu guo wo men yi qi de shi qing? Shi fou zai hu wo men de hui yi? Jiu suan zhi shi peng you ye hao..wo yi jing hen man zhu le.. Shi wo tai zai hu hai shi dui ni lai shuo ta men zhi shi hen bu tong de shi? Ni bing mei you yao wo deng..zhen de zhi nen guai wo zi ji tai yi xiang qing yuan.. tai tian zhen.. ni zhi dao wo xin li ye you hen suan de shi hou ke shi que shuo bu chu kou ma? Ying wei wo zhi dao wo mei you zi ge zhe mo jue de..zhi nen gao su zi ji fang kai ni shi ci zao de shi..zhi shi wo xian zai zuo bu dao..zhen de zuo bu dao..ke yi bu ke yi zai gei wo duo yi dian shi jian? ru guo wo gen ni shuo wo da ying guo ni de shi wo zuo bu dao, ni hui bu hui shen qi? Ni hui bu hui cong ci bu li wo le? Wo bu zhi dao ye bu gan zhi dao..suo yi zui huo hai shi ba hua tun hui qu.. ye xu ni yong yuan dou bu hui zhi dao wo xin li zai xiang shen mo..jiu suan zhi dao ye bu zhong yao le..shei nen gao shu wo zen mo zuo? =(
我很想愛他
但是眼睛在說謊 隱瞞比較容易吧
免得感情變的複雜 我很想愛他
但是理智在吵架 退出可以解圍嗎
誰能給我一個好的回答
| a simple day. 4/27/2009 11:23:00 PM
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Happened to come across an adventure racer's blog when i was surfing the net last nite..found wad she wrote quite inspiring n meaningful..Live a day at a time..It goes : We have 2 days in a wk tht we should not worry about - yesterday n tomorrow. Wad had happened yesterday has past n it's impossible for us to turn back time to change it. Wad will happen 2mr is not beyond our control. The sun of 2mr will rise, no matter it rises magnificently or behind dark clouds, it will still rise. Until then, we shouldn't be worry abt it till it becomes today. This leaves us with 1 day to live in a wk n tht is today. We shouldn't be burdened by the mistakes tht were made yesterday neither should we be afraid of wad is waiting for us 2mr. Only then we can live today to the fullest. Any1 is capable of overcoming obstacles n difficulties in a day. It's juz tht when we add the burden of yesterday n the fear of wad will happen 2mr tht we think negatively of today n hence we screw up today as well. Therefore, we should juz live 1 day at a time.
Like wad she said..i dun want to screw up my every todays.. =) She also take pics of a lot of sunrises ard singapore n on mountains.. like her photos in her blog.. are all adventurers great thinkers becos they reflect alot? Becos they have a lot of quiet times shared with the nature? I dunno but i wish tht 1 day i can become like them..think open mindedly, think optimistically..
A song i really love recently..Cry on My Shoulder..sometimes i wonder when will the shoulder appear when i needed it..haiis..but nvm..still i haf my frens.. they always happen to be the 1s to be there when i need them..guess it's enuff.. i'm happy nw..really am =)
If the hero never comes to you If you need someone you're feeling blue If you wait for love and you're alone If you call your friends nobody's home You can run away but you can't hide Through a storm and through a lonely night Then I'll show you there's a destiny The best things in life they are free But if you wanna cry Cry on my shoulder If you need someone who cares for you If you're feeling sad, your heart gets colder Yes I show you what real love can do If your sky is grey oh, let me know There's a place in heaven where we'll go If heaven is a million years away Oh, just call me and I'll make your day When the nights are gettin' cold and blue When the days are gettin' hard for you I will always stay here by your side I promise you I'll never hide But if you wanna cry, cry on my shoulder If you need someone who cares for you If you're feeling sad, your heart gets colder Yes I show you what real love can do
| a simple day. 4/27/2009 01:27:00 PM
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Sunday, April 26, 2009
Here to update on SMU ad race.. (I'm gonna start fr the nite b4 the race cos my feelings started there..u can skip this part if u find it boring...) Actually was very scared the nite b4..cos every1 in my team are pros!!! Omg..we have qy, the commando, sam, the daredevil n weini, always accompany me to runs 1..was so scared tht i can't kp up wif their pace..but manage to tell myself to juz be myself n try my best to run as long as i can.. couldn't slp the nite b4 so didn't slp at all..thx taufu for talking n talking to me on msn to kp me awake..haha..cos tht time alr 3 plus..if i fall aslp then i guess i will nvr wake up again till maybe sun morning... =p started packing n packing n repacking..dunno wad i pack also..actually in my bag only gt deep heat, a few plasters n gauze, 2 bottles of sports water n a pen..tht's all..oh, n 1 pkt of lemon gummy =) I set off for changi village at 6.18am n..fall aslp on bus 81 -_-" Went all the way to loyang (should have stop at pasir ris to change to 109..) So crossed an overhead bridge to tk bus 59.. had breakfast wif wn at a kopitiam then meet sam at changi village terminal.. walked over to the start point to meet the rest..in total, we have 3 teams joining..our team, secret pal, clara, min & nad 1 team n faris, nadiah, ikhsan n idarh another team..till qy finally reach, we were bz taking photos all the way till the 1st wave started at 9am..only our team were the 5th wave @ 9.40am.. sat down at the pavement to share wad r our expectations of this race..were a bit scared cos all of them say want to finish this race competitively n try to win..for me is juz to complete n improve a bit than the last race i've went to..n this time is 4 men team..i thot it was more difficult cos we have 4 minds which means more complications as to whr we should go..but the sea calm me down..looking at it, it seems to be assuring me tht everything will be fine..it's gd to begin a race at the beach, at least for me i guess..at least for once i dun have butterflies in my stomach anymore after "talking" to it.. =)
Soon, it's time for us to flag off.. Sam carried my small little bag n 3 helmets for us.. when we started running, the helmets started to knock against him mking it difficult for him to run..so we took down 1 n held it..we ran for abt 3 km after which we saw bikes!!! Saviour!! Haha..so nice to see them again =) Gt onto them n adjust it to our suitable ht..n started paddling off..we were quite fast on it..manage to catch up with a few teams at the changi coastal runway..=) Singing n shouting all the way.. Me n qy were playing the "I've gt peace like the river, i've gt peace like the river.." song..haha..n qy was finally able to do fufu's trademark - the "comon, faster.." sign.. we left our bikes at the end of ecp n started to change into our skates ..saw terence n weijian there!!! =) Need a bit getting use to the conversion of biking to skates..so at 1st a bit wobbily..after a while me n wn can alr..sam damn pro can..still say he noe a bit onli..stop it sia..qy tag onto his bag n sam took her on a ride =) Me n wn held hands n skate our way back..we saw a few ppl falling on the way..n a few teams 4 ppl holding hands tgt..we were glad tht we actually went for the clinic n really thanx terence for teaching us skating so patiently in our hearts.. =) THANK YOU TERENCE!!!
After the cp was navigation..tht was the start of the nitemare..we were suppose to navigate ourselves to beatty rd..they gave us a map w/o any name any streets..so we tried to figure the place n walked towards it following the path..we all decided to take a short cut thinking we are fast..haha..but when we see no1 on the same path as us we gt a bit scared..the sun was scorching hot..mking the run even more torturing..we were so happy to find an abandoned umbrella to use on the way..haha..like our grad camp lidat..when we finally found cp4..the cp master told us we've missed cp3!!! Like a thunderbolt suddenly strike us out of the blue..so we track back to kallang mrt, which is the cp 3..by the time we reached there was alr 1.10pm.. n the cut off time was 1.40pm!!! We were really very demoralised alr..but sam thot of a gd, mischevious idea =) We hitch hike!!! Haha..We begged a lorry uncle to drive us to beatty rd!! Told the uncle if we walk we will tk 30mins but if he send us there only 5mins =p N the kind hearted uncle agree to take us there =D THANK YOU (1st) UNCLE!!! Haha..we were glad tht we had tht ride cos we recovered there..gave the uncle my pkt of sweets in return..haha..at cp 4 we were suppose to tear a twine into 4 equal pcs with 4 ice cream sticks..but there was no need for the ice cream sticks as the pavement sides were sharp we can juz grind the twine against it to break it..we were then given another map to reach another cp..this time is bugis mrt.. We hitch another hike fr another lorry uncle..haha..singaporeans also nt bad..thanks to sam's glib tongue also..haha..soon, we reach cp 5..there we change map again..this time is to go to bras besar complex..at 1st we were lost ard CHIJMES area but a team told us to track back so we track back n gt a singapore map fr a hotel..tht map is a great helper man..gt help fr the hotel ppl too..soon we find our way to cp6..when we all see the word "Vertical Marathon"...we seriously wish we can die on the spot..haha..we climbed the 25 storey to get letters to form a sentence,"To mk urself stronger is to mk urself weaker.." I dun agree wif this sentence though..wad kinda quote is this lah..esp in the middle of a race..stop it sia..anyway..we went down juz to change yet ANOTHER map.. this time is to fort canning park..there we were supposed to spot the difference btw the real map n a fake map to see wad r the missing buildings n go to these buildings to find clues to solve a maths qn..wn heard a racer shouted out the answer to the station master,"16!" And the station master still happily shouted back," Yes! U r rite!" Haha..stop it sia..but still we went 1 round ard the park to double confirm the answer.. i couldn't rmb when was the last time i came to fort canning park alr.. when we came back down..we were suppose to build a structure using their supplied materials on a hill - 7 bricks, 2 balls.. only 1 person can instruct us hw to build the structure n 1 person go up the hill at 1 time to collect the materials..after tht station, we were suppose to find our way to marina square..our END POINT..finally =D Yessa! We reach!!! We FINISH THE RACE!!! 6hrs 33mins..!!! It's good to see our ppl again..all of us were tanned wif the singlet marks..but who cares..we've made it to the end tgt =) The feeling was great.. indescribable.. though my legs went into cramps the moment i sat down..
This is the longest race i've been to so far..though they say is 25km..i believe it's more than tht.. the 1st few stations were fun..but the subsequent navigation was too much..though the race was boring, my teammates made it fun n endurable..1 sentence was in my mind throughout the race, "It's ok to be slow, as long as u dun stop, u will reach the finishing point." N we did =) It was a different experience having a 4 men team..thot there will be different thinkings but there wasn't..we blamed ourselves sometimes along the way for mking the wrg decision causing 1 another to walk a longer path..but actually this decision was made by all of us..all of us agreed on 1 decision n we walked this path tgt..so there should be no blaming of any1.. had fun chionging tgt, running tgt, walking tgt..passing water ard..chionging roads w/o abiding the traffic rules though it's quite dangerous.. enjoying the rewarding air-con as we passed some shopping centres..guess we've ran the whole urban areas in singapore yesterday..haha..n thanks sam for the hitch hike idea =p Thank u uncles tht borrow us street directories n maps..thank u uncles tht sent us to places..last n the most impt thing - THANK U SAM, QY n WN for joining this race wif me =) Have nvr been so happy for a long long time ever since my attachment started.. =) Though tired out, i'm happy.. =)
| a simple day. 4/26/2009 01:09:00 PM
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Saturday, April 25, 2009
Really cannt slp..so here crapping again..it was juz a few mins ago tht i've juz blogged.. but nw i'm back to blog abt more things.. haha..crap.. actually is juz becos i've been enlightened by Ms Gan..but i 4gt to add to the post juz nw..Ms Gan said,"If u think some1 is picking on u, then y let him have sth to pick on u?" If u dun create loopholes for ppl to catch then ppl can't pick on u. Yup.. true.. Below is a F.I.R song i kp listening to recently..find the lyrics very motivating..enjoy =)
Do my best 把梦实现 走到海的最遥远
就把时间化成永远 找寻新的体验
Do my best 当成信念 航向天的那一边
拼着地图 我能找到 心中那座 美丽乐园
Far away 不会累 Find the way
开始有一种 冒险的感觉 知道我不能够后退
翻开了地图 最远那一边 找寻着梦里的 neverland
那食指朝着 深蓝的海面 那力量在心底出现
阵阵的微风 吹的那么美 我看到到梦里的 neverland
我站在船头的边缘 太阳让我睁不开眼
我坚持不退 跟海风并肩 I will never be afraid
Do my best 把梦实现 走到海的最遥远
就把时间化成永远 找寻新的体验
Do my best 当成信念 航向天的那一边
拼着地图 我能找到 心中那座 美丽乐园
看到这 深蓝的海面 那力量在心底出现
阵阵的微风 吹的那么美 我看到梦里的 neverland
我站在船头的边缘 太阳让我睁不开眼
我坚持不退 跟海风并肩 I will never be afraid
Do my best 当成信念 航向天的那一边
拼着地图 我能找到 心中那座 美丽乐园
Do my best 把梦实现 走到海的最遥远
就把时间化成永远 找寻新的体验
Do my best 当成信念 航向天的那一边
拼着地图 我能找到 心中那座 美丽乐园
Far away 不会累 Find the way
| a simple day. 4/25/2009 02:12:00 AM
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Today started off abit better.. gone wif the moody me..guess it's the effect n anticipation of the race lata.. there's nth worth to be happy abt for nw except for looking 4ward to races n runs.. guess they r the onli things tht can mk me smile other than the expeditions tht i have being looking 4ward to..happily filling up forms after forms..smu indemnity, rp reg n indemnity, ATC reg forms... had a gd time "chatting" wif Ms Gan too..actually is becos she's back fr her course n wanted to see wad we've done n will be doing nxt wk..produced the 3 samples i've done..at 1st i was a bit unsure of my last trial though it's the best out of all 3..actually i dun really like pasta sauce..esp tomato based..cos they r very sour..unless eaten wif cheese..n i dun like sauce tht smells full of herbs which i think mine does.. tht's y i tried to go ez on the herbs amount.. 1st encouragement i gt was when Jessie commented it smells quite nice when i was about to put my sauce into the autoclave..2nd was Ms Gan say it smells quite nice also =) "See..u can do it when ni zhen de yong xin qu zuo.." Ya..i guess she's rite..but i think it's also my anger tht pushes me to produce some results to show RC I can do it too. He thot i'm stupid or i'm dumb or wadeva..tht my results kp dropping since yr 2? I will show him he's wrg.. Does anger helps? I guess it does sometimes though nt everytime..it's kinda became a motivation i guess..it either mk or break u..luckily i didn't break.. Happy tht my pasta sauce turns out to be acceptable..though there's still some separation tht occurs..hafta play ard with stabilizers : starch n gums.. Still gt a lot to improve..
For a while, juz a while i guess, gt abit disappointed..ok..alot..cos it's a race i've been looking 4wards to..we can't join rp race becos the date clashed wif an expedition.."When u r young, everything seems to be like the end of the world.." This sentence rang in my mind again..weird tht a movie can have such an influence on me after juz watching it once.. but ya.. It's quite a pity to miss this race but there's still alot of races coming up..so should be looking 4ward to those race rather than brood over this 1..race w/o some1 wun die, expedition w/o some1 maybe will die.. weird statement..dunnid to understand.. but if it was me i will also choose to go for expedition i guess.. who wouldn't..
Still thinking of wad to brg lata.. thinking of the maybe-misunderstandings.. cannt slp.. 1st race wif 4 men team..1st race w/o some1..wonder hw will it be like? Fun? Tough? Or juz sail thru.. dunno.. anticipating..dun damp my mood nw pls.. cross fingers tht things dun go wrg the last min..
| a simple day. 4/25/2009 12:33:00 AM
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Thursday, April 23, 2009
Juz went to watch a movie wif kama, zul, khaizurah, helmi, james, qy, loretta n wn..we went out to celebrate james' bdae..the movie is called 17 again..sth i would like to be too..13 again rather..find this movie very meaningful..though it's quite hilarious at times..it's abt this guy who gave up his basketball dream to marry the girl who carried his child when he was 17..he had to give up his college life too..throughout the many yrs of his marriage, he kp grumbling n putting blame on his wife tht his life isn't wad he wanted..it wouldn't had been like this if he didn't marry her..the most hurting words i heard was: The girl said,"I didn't ask u to marry me.." N the guy replied,"But i did (marry u)." Their marriage came to a stage when they have decided to get a divorce when a "imaginary" sch janitor appeared asking the guy,"Is this (gg back to the past) wad u want?" N yes, the guy replied..the janitor took him back to the age of 17 while he still remain in the same era he is in nw (ie. He is 17 while his wife is 30 plus n his children in the same college as he is in) He made frens w/ his son, taught him to have confidence in himself, saved his daughter fr runining her life becos of a jerk and actually rekindled his love for his wife..1 of the sentence tht left a deep impression in my heart is when the guy found his daughter crying becos the jerk dumped her, he told her, "Everything seems to be the end of the world when u r a teenager." But somehw or rather, when u grow up n look back, those things may seem small after all.."U will find a guy tht treasures u like the way u should be treasured." Sounds true, yet still feel they are abit like comforting words only..but it's still true..juz tht when ppl gets deep into the situation itself, it becomes very hard for them to see tht there are actually ez ways out..
Another part tht touches me was the part when he read the "letter" (in which actually nth is written on it except an address) to his wife at the point of divorce. He realised tht they are actually better off w/o him in their lives..n if he loves her, he should juz let her carry on her life w/o him instead of dragging her down.. but all he ever wanted to say was tht he kept blaming her for the failures in his life all along but actually it's juz tht he 4gt hw much he had loved her b4 after he had gt her..but nw, losing her, he came to know that she is everything tht he ever wanted..he rmbed when he had her nth else matter cos she is everything tht he ever wanted.. he left a ring n a letter on the hammock in their backyard which says,"I wish to finish things i have started." Still can't figure out wad tht means.. maybe it's to finish the marriage..or finish the promise he gave her when he said he will marry her.. anyway, he gave up his dream of being a star basketballer a 2nd time when he was given a second chance..he ran out of the match a 2nd time to chase after his wife, returning to his own age..it's a beautiful ending..the guy would still mk the same decision given a 2nd chance..this 2nd chance wasn't given to him to let him revive his dreams of becoming a star basketballer but to remind him of hw much he had loved his wife n hw much his family meant to him..If only this will happen in real life..
Today, all i can say is FYP sux..to the core..hate it..nt only the proj itself..the ppl also sux..didn't use to hate it much..but nw..i've seen thru everything..ppl r biased, ppl r unfair..nth in this world is fair..known this earlier but didn't noe it will hit hard on me..i hate u. I nvr hate any1 in my entire life except u. Pls get out of my world..thank u. Tht's the best thing ever tht u can give me..i've given up a lot of things juz becos of this stupid FYP n nw u r trying to tell me all my sacrifices i've made is abt to come to nth..u stop it ok..this is my life..i'm nt gg to let u ruin it..enuff is enuff.. my neverland..where isit? Y can't some1 juz grab me n go far away.. juz leave this place..i will be contented.. anywhr but here..
| a simple day. 4/23/2009 12:26:00 AM
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Monday, April 20, 2009
I'm now in the fd lab..listening to FIR songs..yup..again.. but 2day i'm free to listen to them as many times cos i'm the only 1 doing trial 2day..juz finished yet another failed-but-better-than-the-last trial..hafta go fd lab 1st to sign in b4 i went out to buy tomatoes again cos if nt i'll be late again.. This time i am smarter..abit..bought canned whole PEELED tomatoes instead of blanching and peeling them myself..tht saves me 1whole hr.. i kp thinking muz use fresh tomatoes..FRESH 1s better..another thing is think i'm abit influence by adc cos we always try to minimize can fd when we go trekking cos cans are heavy..nt tht canned fd are nt gd..so i kp doing the long method.. buying kgs of tomatoes everyday.. stupid me..ya..it's gd to do things personally with heart but it's very tiring when everytime ur efforts juz go down the drain..
Yesterday..went cycling wif secret pal n Clara @ ecp..it was nice there..almost 4gt hw to skate..actually dun feel like skating alr when reach there..cos saw bikes.. secret pal n me were like erm...want to rent bike instead? But come to think of it, our main objective of gg there is to teach Clara hw to skate so yup..we still rented skates..fr skateline.. At 1st i had a bit prob stopping myself..but after refreshing my mind a bit then can rmb the 3 steps alr.. skate awhile..rest a while..then skate again..ecp is a better place for skating..mainly becos the roads are straight, predictable..the skates were not bad too..as compared to those at pasir ris..gt the hang of skating very soon..the last few mins we went to a "green circle" place where it is meant for ppl to skate..initially we were the onli 1s there so skated quite freely..after a while a few experts came in..we were all stunned by their skills..n stupid me thot tht skill very ez..wanted to try on my way back to the skate shop..ended up falling down..secret pal also fell at the grass patch there..i didn't see but Clara saw..can't believe..we are suppose to teach Clara but she didn't fall but see us fall..haha..she more pro than us le.. After tht went to sit on the rock by the sea..the sea was very calm yesterday..layers of green-blue matching the sky blue..it's beautiful but it looks kinda sad..fell into deep trance looking at it..ended our day at Han's..
| a simple day. 4/20/2009 02:14:00 PM
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Friday, April 17, 2009
The Circle of Life:
We believe that life is for living to the fullest.
With hope, with joy, but above all, with passion.
We are bornt, we grow, we evolve.
We become the most we can be.
We pass on our role to the next generation and the next.
Then the circle of life is complete.
However, the most important thing, is to ask ourselves :
Will i make a difference?
Will i matter?
Will i leave the world a slightly better place than i've found it?
Will i have added my own momentum, however small, to turning the circle of life?
Cannt call this a poem..also nt a quote..juz a short paragraph on a way we can look at our life to mk life more meaningful, be it to us or to other ppl.. Read it in the toilet of 1 of our petrol stops on our way to Cameron Highlands.. I like the last sentence best..no matter hw small our role is..we still mk a difference, hopefully a good difference, to the things n ppl ard us.. we are playing a role as long as we are part of the "play"..be it in clubs, in class, in activities..no matter if we are only participants or the planners..cos everi1 has his own value.. it doesn't matter as long as we can help.. I guess i would be proud if i'm able to answer a yes to all the questions esp. the last statement when my life comes to an end someday cos then my life wun be wasted..my presence in activities, in ppl's life means sth.. juz a thot..hope my fren(s) reading this understands this paragraph.. ask urself these questions..maybe u will find tht u had mattered to all of us..u had made a difference to all of us even w/o trying so hard to prove urself.. used to want to prove tht i'm a changed person..made myself more miserable juz to find tht i haven even change a single bit.. dun hafta think abt saving "face" in front of ur frens cos if they truly want to befren u, they wun laughed at wad u can't do. "A fren laughs WITH u, NOT at u." Yup..also juz another simple thot..
Disclaimer: I'm no prreacher ok..nt fit to be 1.. juz a passing thot =)
Kk, gg to pack bag for 2mr..though dunno wad to pack also..haha.. had a short run juz nw wif YY n pk..took some nice shots.. share with u guys..hope this will mk ur day better =)
Took this pic while i was jogging so the pic was abit distorted..but i quite like the effect..abit like seeing things in a crystal ball..haha..kk, my imagination running wild again =p Nitez..
| a simple day. 4/17/2009 11:38:00 PM
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Thursday, April 16, 2009
Disappointed day..4th trial failed. Was so close to getting the rite sauce yesterday..spent 2 1/2 hr cooking a pot of sauce but it dried up cos i boiled it for too long, 40mins..initially it was too watery..the moment i added tomato paste into it at the 30th min, it became thicker..after 10 more mins of boiling i off the fire and the texture was alr quite thick..by the time the sauce cooled down, it alr resemble thick porridge..though BL stilll finish them up..said the taste was quite nice but too dry alr..today, spent another 2hr, 1hr juz on peeling tomato skins n de-seeding & de-coring them..decided to blend them cos thot lidat will mk it nt so thick..but the resultant turn out to be worst..separation of solid n liquid n the taste is bad. In-edible.. i am now convince tht i am nt cut out to be a chef.. i am nt gd at cooking..perhaps nvr will be..it's my 4th trial alr..6th wk..but Ms Gan haven taste b4 my successful sauce yet.. =( I dunno wad to do also..Ard 3 plus close to 4 Nadiah called me to get the clubrm key..i juz went out for a few mins then rush back to the lab..then Ms Gan came back fr her meeting alr..haiz..y so coincident 1..i there she nt there..i juz leave the lab for 5 mins then she came back.. Beginning to get demoralize alr..shouldn't be the case..but it juz is..i wasn't lidat last time..but i am nw.. Nash asked me y my songs all motivational 1s.. "U very demoralize ar?" Ya..i'm really quite disappointed wif my reuslts, my "pdt" so far, my life, my everything.. U lsten to wad u feel, U r wad u read..maybe u listen to wad u need too..
This horrible "hols" is finally coming to an end.. Sch is reopening soon. Doesn't seem to have an effect on me..used to be sad n happy tht sch is reopening. Sad cos no more hols = end of expeditions n gg out wif ADCians..happy cos sch reopen = start of ATC, trainings again..nw..it's juz the same..open, nt open..i will still be stuck in the lab..open, nt open i can onli go training aft 5..open, nt open..my heart will still be somewhr else even if my body is in the lab..Mr W told me to mk the best out of things.."It's either u drop out of ur course or u mk the best out of things.." Dropping out is definitely nt an option since i'm alr in my 3rd yr..mking the best out of things is the only choice i'm open to.. use to proudly tell ppl tht i'm fr fd sci..but can i do so nw when i myself dun really like wad i'm doing? The things i learnt fr this course is nt wad i initially expected it to be. My dream have shifted place. To somewhr else. Min was rite when he asked me if i slp to escape fr things.. sometimes i guess.. though it was a long long time ago when he said tht..i denied it. But nw i understand it can be quite true. Or maybe i'm juz blaming my course for mking me have attachment in the 1st 1/2 of the yr when everi1 in our club is having theirs the nxt..maybe i'm juz beginning to dislike my course for this reason..maybe i juz dun wanna sacrifice sth i like for sth i see no point in carrying on.. hanging in there but dunno hw long cn i hang.. will i survive the trial or will i even close my eyes b4 i get to breathe.. die alr.. =(
Went to run alone juz nw..8km, 54 mins.. long time since i last run in sch for so long..6.21pm started. The timing was juz rite for me to catch the beauty of the evening sky.. it looked so serene.. can almost think of nth juz by looking at it..
Taken at 7.01pm.. The sky was extremely blue.. Actually nt every kind of blue i like also.. depends on the feeling when u look at the blue.. N nt every thing blue i will take n want to have it.. i dun want things tht dun belong to me..
Taken @ 7.31pm.. at the blk e slope..
Want to start running everyday again..w/ or w/o ppl..will go back the same old place to run even aft i go back.. n becos i want to watch sunrise w/ qy during sundown..so muz catch up wif her pace also.. dun want to e left behind neither do i want to ask ppl to wait for me.. so the only thing to do is to buck up myself..
| a simple day. 4/16/2009 11:33:00 PM
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Splitting headache..worst than hangover i guess..dunno y..want to slp it off but cannt slp becos very pain..any ways to numb headaches? Is the best cure to juz let it be? Then it will go off slowly? Hope so.. Went swimming w/ char, qy, wn, taufu etc. juz nw..had fun sitting n "rowing" in the tires..laugh until cannt laugh.. are promises really meant to be broken? Maybe yes, maybe no..maybe it's dependant on situations.. but still.. there are sths, some ppl, i noe i cannt let down.. Thot i told lifeguard i will learn to treat shore as a ship..thot i said i will smile n be happy if shore finds a sole survivor on its island.. but hw come i still cmi? Changed my hp, my bag, my ringtone...my alot alot of things..but there's 1 thing i'm nt able to change..dunno is cannt change or i dun really want to change deep down inside..My feeling is nt rite..but i juz cannt mk myself feel the rite way..is there even a rite or wrg as to hw u should feel..is this humanity? Is there situations tht u should nt feel sad abt so u r deem wrg if u r sad? All i noe is if there's a situation u shouldn't be happy abt but u r happy abt it then u are call sadistic..
说穿了不是什么大事情
说穿了不过自己去看电影
说穿了只是睡醒看不到你
你放心离去 我不要紧
为什么莫名有种矛盾的情绪
给了你祝福又盼望你回心转意
他给的幸福你从笑容就能说明
我还凭什么关心 怎么你不抗拒
感情没有防盗锁 爱走不到尽头
不后悔付出过
各自回家的路试着不再难过
变得成熟 是我能安慰自己唯一的收获
就离开我 别回过头 不要用从前看以后
我猜是我的错 爱怎么被偷走
那只是个感受
如果离开是爱你最后的承诺
多年以后 偶而记的那疯狂不成熟的我
不说穿了 不要结果
不伪装了 我的难过
| a simple day. 4/16/2009 03:12:00 AM
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Tuesday, April 14, 2009
| Introverted (I) 54% | Extraverted (E) 46% |
| Intuitive (N) 68% | Sensing (S) 32% |
| Feeling (F) 85% | Thinking (T) 15% |
| Perceiving (P) 86% | Judging (J) 14% |
The above is a personality test my fren asked me to do online..actually we did this in our sec sch n during JC also..but ppl do change..4gt wad were my results..but for now..i am INFP...can agree with the N,F & P but the I.. hmm..ok..maybe abit..but still can't believe it's my dominant trait..but the analysis and desciption of the personality that follows matches with the state that i am currently in nw.. can try it out if u guys are free.. webby as follows..
http://www.kisa.ca/personality/Want to start training for sundown..but kp dragging n dragging..excuses..haiz..no time is juz an excuse.. qy alr started training..i should start soon..nope..now..like now?!!! Kk, really gg out to jog now..
Good, better, best. Nvr let it rest till ur gd is better n ur better is best =)
| a simple day. 4/14/2009 10:42:00 PM
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Sun, was a rainy day..after 1pm the sun finally came out again, with droplets of drizzle though.. went pasir ris to cycle again..aunty lilian actually wanted to let me try riding 1 bike tht she has in the shop..the frame damn light..didn't noe it cost $1000 over till she told me..omg..all i can blame is my legs are too short n the frame is too high.. =( Even adjusting to the shortest height i also cannt get onto the bike so in the end i still rode on the same kind of bike tht i used all along..haha..but heave a sigh of relieve too..cos i really can't afford to pay if i damage or lost it.. =p yup..tht's the brighter side..haha..was 1/2 cycling n 1/2 thinking hw can i decorate ADC's booth..stopped at changi beach..thot inspiration will come..nope..it didn't but i went to pick seashells..haha..suddenly felt like picking seashells..dunno if can use during club crawl..but still want to pick..pick onli =) they are pretty things..do u guys realise tht there are beautiful seashells in singapore also? Tht there are beautiful views, sceneries, sunsets, sunrises in singapore too? Bet u guys dun..ppl usually dun treasure the things tht are ezily gotten / juz ard them..there are beautiful things near us too..juz tht becos we see it too often tht we took them for granted..whereas when we are overseas..even malaysia, which is juz across the sea, we tend to feel tht it is more beautiful there n we tend to treasure the moments there..cos we wun be able to see these pretty things tht often..Initially i kp looking at the shoreline..trying to find seashells..but there isn't many..till i moved up abit tht i saw alot of them being washed up to the grass..see..we tend to overlook things tht are actually juz in front of us n go all the way to look for them when they are not there..ironic rite? Juz a little thot by the beach..
Cycled on though i haven really picked the amt needed..due to time constraint..Saw Jian Liang n Jennifer @ bedok reservoir..saw them again when i've returned the bike n went to tampines to walk walk..haha..wad a coincident.. talking abt tampines..the new mall @ tampines, "Tampines 1" is open! Went in to walk walk abit..actually is becos i saw TIMES bk store.. = Nicholas Sparks =D Went in to see if gt his storybks anot as well as to chk out the price..$18.69..but there a discount gg on cos it's t1's opening..15% for non-members n 22% for members..tht mks the bk $14.55.. Popular sells it at $17..so i go ahead to buy 4 of his collection.. Went home happi.. contented.. satisfied.. =)
Mon, monday blues again? Haha..woke up a bit late..die..promise Ms Gan i will try to be early 1..late for 11 mins..today was a slack day..cos haven find a nice recipe yet..haven submit PR form also..so cannt do trials..actually intended to go rock wall climb during lunch break..met char, lynn n rene in the canteen so sat down to chat a while..then went to do my 1st aid list of injuries n treatments..at the meeting then know i changed to QY's 1st aid for climb run..either way is also gd..still rmb climb run 08' was my 1st event..wasn't able to help much cos i was inexperience.. Luckily gt QY guide me..she prepared the logistic list then we went to run the route tgt to see if need to add in more things..Campus rd run also wif QY..my 1st expedition also wif QY..QY was also my orientation grp leader in ADC.. =) So many 1st times wif QY..=) Juz some memories..
After their meeting, we, actually only qy, taufu n me, went to eat dinner..stingray, kangkong n cockles..haha..qy suddenly had a craving for cockles, n me, stingray..but cos we dun want rice n to have a balance meal vege muz be included so we ordered another plate of kangkong.. After dinner then went to popular bk store cos i want to see if there gt somemore nicholas sparks bk anot..then me n qy stopped at the same pile of bks..Enid Blyton!!! Yessa! Found another hard core fan of enid blyton =) Can't believe i can still find ppl of my age still reading enid blyton..i myself still do..ya lo..wad's wrg w/ reading enid blyton..nth wrg wad..haha..both of us have 100 over of her bks!! N both of us love eggs!! QY gt stuck at a recipe bk tht teaches various methods of cooking eggs..i'm gonna try out tht dish..=D Wait n see ^^
Each individual has things tht is suitable for him/her..nt everything tht is suitable for 1 person will be suitable for another.. hafta try n find things tht u r accustom to n nt change urself to accustom to things.. i used to mk this mistake myself..tht's y drag the grp down at Mt. Stong.. learnt my lesson the hard way..juz hope tht my fren dun repeat my mistakes if u know who u r.. =)
| a simple day. 4/14/2009 01:26:00 AM
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Sunday, April 12, 2009
Thu, 9/4/09, was late for FYP again..dunno isit i really cannt wake up or i juz dun have the heart to go for IAP..alot of ppl told me they'd rather be doing their attachment then to stay in sch..lifeguard told me,"Throw me anywhr tht i can learn sth, n i will go.." Sounds sensible..but i'm afraid of gg to a company wif a designated post yet get another post n do admin jobs..had frens telling me abt their attachment experiences n heard fr others as well..dun really like or look 4ward to wad i heard..heard onli..haven see for myself..i''d rather stay in sch..but on the other hand i want to get out of my comfort zone..very hard to..maybe i should put away this thot n stop escaping fr reality..whether i want to go for IAP anot i should still be early for my FYP..maybe i try to put away this thinking..maybe i will wake up on time..maybe..felt a bit guilty..esp towards Ms Gan..shouldn't argued wif her tht day for gg to Berkelah..acted like a kid..though it had passed for quite some time alr..am still feeling very guilty abt it..esp last nite..i still have a long way to go if i really want to become wad i wanted n still wish to be..*shake head* =(
Received the Berkelah ppl back..they came back ard 5 plus..heard a lot of things abt Berkelah fr them..heard tht Berkelah changed alot..for the worst..can tell fr the water secret pal brought back for me..can tell fr the description of the waterfall fr the participants..can tell fr wad pk told us..it had onli been 1 yr..imagine when i go back there in a yr's time? Wad will it become? Anyway i will still love it..anyhw i will go back to "repair" it though i know i can't do much..rescuing Berkelah is my nxt goal in life.. Thanx secret pal for brgg back rock n water for me..thanx clara for the "hug"..thanx jiamin for being my supporter along the way to kfc..=) Went to KFC wif clara, secret pal, min, sam, noh, nadiah, pk, nadzirah, jon, silas & ikhsan..went in at 10.50pm to order fd when they are suppose to be closed at 11pm..the counter cashier didn't tell us to tk away our fd so we juz assume we can sit in..aft tht kana their attitude prob..so pk called the manager n "complain" to her..it wasn't much of a complain..juz to remind them of their service attitude..left at ard 11.35pm to catch the last bus back to hougang..reach at 12.11pm n missed the last bus to qy's hse..thot hafta walk all the way alr but when i reach the bustop caught the last 82 to srg..so looking on the bright side it's still nt tht bad aft all..walked fr srg central to qy's hse for 40mins.. nt scared at all..cos wif all the cars nearby..noe my way there cos i've cycled n walked there myself alot of times b4..it's ok to walk alone as well..thanx qy for ur iced milo!!! Super thick n nice =) Nw i noe u everything like thick thick 1..haha..at taiwan the milk tea also..omg..can't imagine though it should be really quite nice too..
10/04/09, gd fri, went to bed at ard 2pm n woke up ard 3pm..set off at 3.30pm..qy, qingye n her bf, guolong, monki, eeyore n me...it's a long long car journey..we went in malaysia via the Tuas chkpt..qy's passport almost couldn't mk it cos her photo was taken a very long time ago..was told a yr b4 but everytime we cross woodlands chkpt also nth wrg..so nvr change..this time kana final warning..*deng deng* haha..anyway, we made it thru..wif final warning..continuing our long long car ride..slept throughout the ride cos quite tired aft a whole day in sch..waking up at pit stops as usual to go washrm..have a break..amazed at qingye's bf's tolerance to slp..drive for so long still can continuing driving..omg..if it was me..*ahem* dunnid to say..sure slp..haha..the weather there was quite cold..can wear jkt throughout the journey w/o sweating..their toilets were surprisingly clean with quotes pasted on the walls..i took quite some time taking pics of them until qingye came in to find me..thot i was lost..paiseh..too engross in taking pics.. =p but the quotes were very very meaningful..will share it in my blog bit by bit..we had our lunch at a bak kut teh store at ard 10 plus am..this is my 2nd time eating bak kut teh..1st time was wif pk at vivocity when we went for interview at station kitchen..sad to say both experiences wasn't gd..both the teh dun taste like the traditional 1s..(told by pk n qy respectively on 2 occasions cos i have no prior experience to judge..) but still i enjoyed it cos it's eating wif qy n her family =) Another 3hrs ride to our lodging for the nite..Daniel's Lodge aka Kang's traveller..70RM for 2 per nite..it's quite a cosy rm..wif thick thick blankets..juz tht the heater was super nosiy..haha..after tht we went to 1 of the many strawberry farms - big red strawberry farm..there we saw alot alot of cactus..even more than strawberries..n their strawberries all like turmoil 1..haha..took quite some pics of them..saw baby cactus too..bought a few back to grow..it's quite ez..juz hafta water them once a wk, fertilize once every 2 wks n it will grow beautifully..saw butterhead lettuce too..growing rows by rows.. went to the top to buy their pdts..jam, soap, tea, juice..qingye's bf kp wanting to eat theie strawberry sundae..then ignore qy's cries for fried ice cream..haha..in the end we had both plus 1 nt-so-strawberry strawberry muffin (cos it contains no bits of strawberry except for red stains of it.. =( ) haha..
Me n monki @ strawberry farm..
monki eating fried choco ice cream..
Butterhead plants..
Scarecrow..
Unripe blackcurrant we saw at robinson falls..
Then we went to visit their "waterfalls" which are..ahem..nt so much of a fall..1st is parit fall..tht 1 really is a "sikit" fall..very very short onli..at the entrance there's this "freelance" guide who showed us medicinal plants tht can be found there..1 of which smells exactly like deep heat n the other smell like insect repellent.. after tht guolong drove us to another fall, robinson fall, which is taller but compare to berkelah it is still consider short..after tht went back to our lodge to rest till 7pm we went out to have dinner..steamboat!!! This is the 1st time i see a halal steamboat store though it doesn't operate like the shops in s'pore - nt buffet style - found another mushrm eater..guolong..we ordered a 2nd plate of enoki n abalone mushrm..oh no..mushrm intoxication..haha..after dinner we went to walk walk at their pasar malam..bought ice cream cos qy kp asking for her ice cream at the steamboat store..cos we had potong ice cream the last time we had steamboat at amk after DARE II race..also bought dried strawberries, cameron orange/balackcurrant tea..
Street lamp @ cameron highlands..
After tht guolong drove us back to our lodge, turning circles cos we went pass the lodge..then qing ye thot of the red-eye woman in "Twilight Zone" n qy thot of the boy who said "Come!" n his dead mother appeared in front of him.. omg.. wad mks it more eerie is we passed by a small "entrance" wif green light shinning on it..imagine if there's a man standing there..omg..*shivers* haha..anyway, we still made it back to our lodge for the nite..qy taught me hw to fold roses using a spongy type of material..my rose doesn't look very nice though..cos quite loose..kp springing out..but i 1st-timer mah..so still nt bad..=p i think lah..still prefer starz.. =p read 1 of Roald Dahl's short story..PIG..very nice but a bit..ahem..muz read it then u will noe.. will go find the bk at NYP's lib..thot of gg down to look at the shops but they were all closed alr..so we went back up to bathe then retired for the nite..nxt morning we woke up at ard 8.45am then went down to walk walk..bought 2 long sleeves for myself n qy gt 1 for herself too..then went to Marry Brown for breakfast at 10am..but dun wanna visit there again..we both agreed tht Popeye's better..haha.. 11am guolong n qingye came to fetch us n we headed to the nxt strawberry farm - healthy strawberry...there we saw alot more turmoil strawberries n 1 mouldy strawberry..saw coriander n basil plants there too..After tht went to Boh tea plantation..walked up abit to catch the scenery 1/2 way up the hill..then came down to have our "tea break" w/ the flies there.. haha.. yupyup.. alot of flies there..
At the BOH tea plantation..
we headed for s'pore at ard 2 plus..the wind super strong..though it was quite cold, we still wheeled down the window pane to enjoy the breeze..guess eeyore enjoyed it alot..with it's ears being blown backwards..haha..better than being stuffed in the car balloon "cupboard" =p ..then it began to rain..rained so heavily tht we almost couldn't see whr we are gg..n i can see the rain running horizontally on the window pane..tht's hw strong the wind was..the tire gt punctured 1/2 way by a nail some1 left on the rd..so we have to alight at a petrol station n guolong changed the tire..quite guilty cos cannt help do anything..like very bad lidat..1st time i see ppl change tire also..cos i seldom sit in cars..muz learn so nxt time can help..after tht we continued our trip.. luckily the rain subsided..n the road became clearer..our nxt pit stop is A&W..our much look 4ward root beer float curly fries though i didn't have tht cos i still want to try the waffle i've tried 10 over yrs ago..still believed it to be as nice but..it wasn't..-_-" Disappointing..but it's ok..had my float..tht's as satisfying as well.. =) Carried on another 3hrs ride to our nxt pit stop..a coffee shop whr we had teh tarik..expected to have burgers like ramily too but they dun have alr..so only guolong ordered nasi pattaya in the end..Min's fav.. =p After ordering, we could hear ferocious chopping, frying noise coming fr the kitchen..we began mking assumptions tht the store owner was angry cos 4 of us only ordered 1 plate of nasi pattaya..so we imagined him cursing n swearing while he's frying the nasi pattaya..haha..kk, maybe it's juz our made believe.. =p their teh tarik was nt bad ..thick enuff..1st time in a trip i nvr touch or missed coffee..haha..nxt time i go trip no more coffee..i go there mk teh tarik..qiny ye said muz have skills also..if nt by the time i finish mking 1/2 tin left..lata ppl ask for tea then the tea "pull" finish alr..wahahaha.. kk, i perfect my skills 1st.. Continued the trip for another 1 hr plus then reached hougang..
Really really thanx lots to qy n family for inviting me..really really appreciate this trip..it's really a superb getaway for me this hols..esp when i really need to think things over..need to rewind back the things tht have happened n being said to me these few days..to reflect on them..enjoyed not only the greeneries, the farms, the plantation..but also enjoyed being myself..nt having to entertain any1 cos there's no awkwardness..juz quietly sit by the window n watch the passing views..talking occasionally but nt mking so much noise as i do usually..guess my heart have quieten down n i kinda like tht..thot abt who i was n who i am nw..thot abt me having fun onli n neglecting abt other ppl during expeditions last time..tht's wad some1 told me aft the trip to jerangkang n 1/2 island hike..cos i kp talking to the committee..was afraid to admit but nw no more..cos tht's the past me..failure is a success when lessons are learnt fr it..there's also other reason y i kp to my grp of frens which i cannt say here..juz hope tht ppl will change n talk universal..no point a few of us trying so hard n still we are faced wif the same prob everytime..thot abt having confidence in 1self..is there a use when ppl juz kp giving u up? Used to be pessimistic abt myself..my value in the club..but after much thinking..i will still try..dun care if ppl want u anot..juz be thick skin n try until 1 day ppl accept n recognise ur value..show them wad u can do..juz prove urself to be worthy of their trust..even lifeguard is trying for our sake so hw can we give up on ourselves juz becos ppl think we cannt..our 1st C2C run is gonna be a success..if i ever lose faith in myself..some1 pls wake me up again ok? I abit scared..not of failure but of not believing i can along the way..
Lifeguard, like wad u say, i still care even when i say i dun..can't lie to myself..feel bad abt ignoring it..isit rite to mk sth hate u if u want to 4gt abt it? I dunno..But i find it very hard to juz 4gt abt the shore i've being swimming towards..it may nt be my shore..it nvr was..but it's still a very gd ship.. to every1 i guess..a ship tht i want to treasure..i'm trying to change my view of it to a ship..still in process though think the process will tk quite some time..after all it had been a shore to me for 9 mths alr..thanx for throwing the floating device to me though knowing i may nt catch it..but nw i know i will still smile n be happy for the shore if it finds its 1 n onli survivor 1 day.. =)
Live your life each day as you would climb a mountain.
An occasional glance towards the summit keeps the goal in mind.But many beautiful scenes are to be observed from each new vantage point
Climb slowly, steadily, enjoying each passing moment
And the view from the summit will prove to be astonishing.
| a simple day. 4/12/2009 04:58:00 AM
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Wednesday, April 8, 2009
I dreamt of a dream last nite..i have been swimming n swimming in a sea, an ocean..wadeva u call it..for abt 9 mths continuously..i'm finally surfacing the waters..haha..wonder wad i'm toking abt? Dun think any1 understand except my lifeguard (nt my secret pal ar..) n ifrenulah.. haha.. though i can swim quite ok..i've been struggling w/n a sea, an ocean thinking tht if i kp on swimming, will reach the shore 1 day..at times i almost drown but i juz kp on swimming..until lifeguard saw wad was happening to me n saved me fr drowning w/ ifrenulah..juz realized tht i wasn't even moving n was constantly treading water, either staying @ the same spot or drifting further fr the shore i was aiming to reach..ifrenulah ask me y gt other islands u dun want to swim to, u juz want to swim to this 1 tht u will nvr reach..then i open my eyes n looked ard me..n i found tht i was missing out alot..there are not only alot of islands, there are also alot of ships juz nearby tht welcome me always..juz tht everytime i only have tht shore in my eyes..i guess i dun really need to find an island to stop nw..exhausted fr all the swimming n struggling..guess ships are wad i need nw..they are always there..like the starz..muz also learn to appreciate them more rather than to juz concentrate on getting to the shore n getting cramps, mking myself more tired on the way.."U will nvr discover sth new if u dun dare to lose sight of the shore." A phrase tht has engraved itself in my mind, my heart since the obs trip yet i didn't noe tht it applies to this situation as well..i shall apply it now..ifrenulah told me to dun swim n look for island..juz float till 1 welcomes u on shore..i dunnid an island nw 4 sure..lifeguard told me see, i should enjoy the trips on the ships..n yes..i am..haha..thanx lifeguard n ifrenulah..appreciate the help u 2 have given to me.. =)
Wad a weird dream..but i'm happy after tht dream..haha..like a big stone off my shoulder..aniway, haven talk abt sun me n secret pal went to army mkt..see alot of things also nvr buy 4 myself..cos think nt suitable..also quite ex too some of them..anyhw open price only the shop keepers..haha..help taufu buy raincover n jack knife, help sam buy twine, help pk buy water bag..secret pal nvr buy anything either except for ziplock bags n mosquito repellent..went to eat lunch..secret pal stop it sia..eat garlic toast onli..but if u hear wad he ate for breakfast ar..u will think it's ok for him to eat garlic toast onli for lunch..tried secret pal's pancake also..he was trying out the pancake mix so tht he can cook them for berkelah as well..put the flour in a bottle then juz shake onli..ez rite? =p The pancake cold alr..so abit tough..but still nice..gt abit sweet..maybe the pancake mix alr contain sugar..CP, u lucky gal! Haha..secret pal gd cook sia..muz treasure him =) (Dun mistake ar, i nt jealous ar..i gt my ships enuff alr..=)) After tht we see the weather still nt bad..after a heavy rain..the air quite fresh..nt so hot also..so we went to practise our skating "skills"..nt much of skills to begin wif..haha..we took close to 20mins juz to wear the skates..n another few mins to start "walking" out from the skate shop..we stood there i c u, u c me cos dunno hw to start..then i turned my head ard to see 4 ppl starring at us, like waiting for us to start skating lidat..omg..we were like 2 gundus standing there..dunno hw to skate still go there skate..haha..even little boy also can skate better than us..*shake head* we didn't travel far..1stly, we dunno the terrain so abit scared of reaching slopes w/o knowing..2ndly, the floor was wet..3rdly, secret pal said the wheels abit to smooth n loose cos can hear the "sound" made by the wheels..so in the end we settled to juz skate in a small white box..even smaller than a 1/2 court of basketball court..there easier to skate lah..after a while our legs also tired alr..dunno y tht day so easily tired..secret pal insist tht it's the skates' prob but i think hw come other ppl also can skate wif the skates leh..i still think is our skills nt gd enuff..either way..i still dun like to skate..n we decided nt to go back there skate alr..when we return the skates, auntie lilian (the auntie i always rent bike fr) saw me n ask me,"Wah, now pick up skating alr ar?" Then i told her is becos we gt another race coming up..Then she ask again (in chinese),"Ke yi ma?" (Can anot?) Then i juz shook my head n smile @ her sheepishly..i think i still prefer to be on bikes..haha..saw little crabs in the marshy areas n the bird watch tower..didn't noe it was called a bird watch tower till tht day..counted the steps..75 steps..nxt adv race? Haha..After tht took a bus back hougang..
Tue, did my presentation in the morning..stammered abit..abit nervous also..haha..but still pulled thru..it's ok..i told myself nt to think abt it alr..muz carry on wif my trials..faster finish faster go.. =p After the presentation went to clubrm to find char..borrowed "A Walk To Remember" by Nicholas Sparks fr char..sat in the clubrm to read it..can't believe i spent 3hrs continuously reading it..captured by the bk..char asked me gt cry anot..i told her nope..though the story appears to be abit sad n tragic..but still..i didn't cry over it..cos it's actually a happy story in disguise..felt happy for Jamie..she doesn't need to be pitied cos she have loved n being love back by some1..cos she've helped alot of ppl while she can..brought smiles to alot of ppl..n have her wish granted..should be happy for her..it's a love story..but nt the kind of love all of us will get to experience in our entire life..muz be thankful for every thing we have nw..no matter how bad life is..be thankful for the things u have n nt brood over things u dun have..it's a long time since i last gt so captured by a bk..the last time i rmbed was when i was in sec..constantly reading Roald Dahl's, Nancy Drew, Hardy Boys, Christopher Pike n pri sch was Enid Blyton n Goosebumps..nt 4gtting Harry Potter..also read Qiong Yao's love stories which my mum dun really like me reading cos most of them are tragic n suicidal stories..it was until i came across the oline story, "I Believe You" tht i started my craze for bks again..sad to say tht the writer, Low Kay Hwa, only wrote 6 bks n ended there..dunno when he will start to write again..nw i'm picking up reading again..want to read all bks tht Nicholas Sparks wrote..like his writing style..like his thinking..like his way of portraying the characters..or maybe juz simply i like his story..simple yet meaningful..
Yessa! Trip to Cameron Highlands confirmed wif QY!!! Thanx lots QY!! For the hol..Thanx secret pal!!! For the seashells..Thanx Char n JT..for the chats n dinners n jokes n everything..Thanx wn..for listening n for asking wad i want fr Berkelah..noe u cannt break the rule by brgg a rock back for me..nor can u brg back the starz for me..juz brg back urself can alr.. =)
| a simple day. 4/08/2009 02:22:00 PM
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Tuesday, April 7, 2009
Cannot slp nw..though very tired..my eyes are shut..but my mind is nt..so might as well open them up to do sth constructive..like my ppt slides? Which r suppose to be ready by 2mr 11am? Kp starring at the info i gt but dunno wad to do wif them..bike...i'm very tired u noe? Y do ppl kp asking n asking..noe tht they care..but sometimes it's really rubbing salt onto wound..nw i understand y u said if ur fren is sad juz sit beside quietly till he/she wants to talk..if nt juz dun ask..i dun like this feeling..yes..hw many times do i hafta say y i'm nt gg? Gt eyes can see? Or purposely ask? I'm fed up..but cannt scold ppl..it's nt their fault either..they dunno..cannt avoid ppl too..they r all ard..it's nt ez to fake a smile cos i dun like fake smile..it's even more difficult than hiding 1..shuts..i'm crapping again..but it's ok..it's my blog rite? I can juz say anything i want w/o thinking..Bike..whr r u nw? Guess u guys muz have reached the mosque n slping soundly there by nw..but u wun be slping as usual..wonder if the kitty is still there..wonder if there's still starz to be seen? Wonder will there be fireflies there..last time we went berkelah dun have..only seen them @ jerangkang..wonder hw the water taste like..isit still as beautiful as it used to be? Wonder if u will really brg back a block of ice for me? Wondering if our mass tins will be found? Wondering if anymore mass tins will be lost *touchwood*? Cross fingers tht no1 gets stuck at the same point as we did last yr..cross fingers tht every1 will reach the top n come back down safe n sound..if nt they will have regrets like our grp did..cross fingers tht there will be gd weather all the way..cross fingers tht nth will be stolen this time..cross fingers tht all of u will get to nite walk..it muz be very nice to nice walk @ berkelah...Wondering n crossing fingers..my heart is really there wif u guys alr as i've jokingly said..but to save some1 fr drowning..guess i can only pray for u guys in my heart..dun think i can save any1 either if i'm physically there..Physically, i'm nt as strong as secret pal..mentally, i'm nt as strong as char n qy..u r rite..i'm nt strong gal like they r..u r rite..i'm nt able to help in many ways..see..i'm whining again..but at least nt to ppl..is to myself..isit abit better? At least ppl dun feel frustrated when they dun hear rite? They can choose nt to see rite? Nvm..juz crapping as usual..can ignore this post also..
| a simple day. 4/07/2009 03:52:00 AM
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Monday, April 6, 2009
Die alr..bike juz went off for 2hrs n i'm starting to miss it..miss cycling wif it..miss talking wif it..miss everything i've done wif it..though i've juz chatted wif it..didn't get to say gdbye to it either..told myself it will stay safe..told myself bike will come back..of course it will..told myself nt to think too much..told myself nt to cry..nt allow to..n i succeeded..guess i've ran out of tears too..lucky me..i'm nt allow to show i'm unhappy..so i'm happy..used to do pre-expedition shopping..still do now..juz tht it's nt me who's brging up those things..pardon me if i've grumbled to u the nite b4 abt nitty gritty thingys tht perhaps doesn't concern u..actually i also dunno wad i talking.. i juz want to find sth to scold instead of scolding myself..didn't expect to be able to go sch wif bike this morning..so very happy alr..stayed outside clubrm for very very long..till they left..wanted to help but actually i couldn't help much..dunno wad to do also..felt like a pest there..went to talk to some participants..some have seen me during trainings..some have seen me during events..some asked me y i'm nt gg..dun feel like replying cos i've been repeating the same lines over n over again..know i shouldn't see if i know i will feel this way but still..i want to send them off..dunno y..maybe cos every expedition i'm sure to be present? Maybe..i also dunno..didn't want to be sad also cos they are "innocent" n shouldn't be affected by my mood..so joked abt me being nt able to go..looking at them playing games,mixing ard, packing their things, asking questions..reminds me of the day 1 yr ago..when i was juz a newbie to expeditions..dunno hw to waterproof my things..dunno hw to mk space in my bag..everything buy fr velocity..=expensive..dunno the existence of army mkt..maybe it's a gd thing tht i've lost some of my equipments which cost my parents alot..i begin to buy stuff of a lower price n find tht they serve the same purpose..was also scared of being the only 1 gg myself, nt wif frens..it was after berkelah tht i've come to realise ppl begins frenship w/o knowing each other..u r nt alone unless u choose to isolate urself..i didn't noe char at 1st..didn't noe farmer n jian liang at first..didn't even noe my "senior" in fd science, Bertrand..n many many others..yet nw..didn't expect some of them to become my close frens, to share my happiness n troubles.. i'm so gonna miss this trip..miss the rocks..miss the stars..miss the water..miss having bike ard..but hey..i'm nt gg to cry n whine n pity myself..cos i've gotta mk all these "misses" worthwhile..
To Jacqueline n all NYAA-ians : Enjoy ur 1st trip wif ADCians..have fun n stay safe..=)
To Secret Pals n Wn n bike: I will miss u guys..actually alr missing..
To Mr W : I will mk sure it's worth it for me to miss this trip..thanx for ur luck =)
Though u guys have alr left..n i shy to say..so here are the wishes fr me to u all..even i u guys dun see hope u all feel it..
| a simple day. 4/06/2009 08:18:00 PM
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Sunday, April 5, 2009
Yesterday went to skate clinic w/ my secret pal n wn..our club sent in 4 teams = 16 ppl but only 3 of us turned up..aniway..we had a gd time learning skating w/ our instructor Terence. The whole course was quite fulfilling cos we really know hw to skate/glide w/ a few techniques Terence taught..B4 u learn hw to skate u muz know hw to stand on 1 1st..the technique is to put out ur master leg 1st n kneel on the other leg..then slowly stand up pushing ur knees, mking ur feet into a V-shape..next we learnt the recovery position which is to stabilize u when u feel like u are falling..macham like learning horse-stance lidat..all 3 of us were laughing n laughing cos the action is super funny..nxt is the break-fall which u hafta fall on ur knee caps to break ur fall then ur palm..initially we manage to do tht on static ground but when we were falling while skating, secret pal kp falling on his palm then knees..trying to be funny rite..haha..after tht we learnt hw to walk on skate..the trick is to open ur feet in a V-shape wider..we practised tht a few times b4 Terence taught us hw to glide on the skates..gliding requires alot of balance..in order for u to glide faster u muz lift ur feet up for at least 2 secs for each glide on each feet..so we went 1000, 2-...then cannt alr..after tht we master hw to turn to the right n to the left on skates..Terence then took us on a "trail" in the concourse..kp mking sharp turns tht we have difficulty in doing..4gt to mention tht we learnt hw to brake also..after 2 hrs plus..we had finally master the art of skating n can skate quite well for beginners..as we had more time, Terence taught us the more advanced way of turning right/left w/o us having to shuffle our legs n the T-brake which we haven really master at the end of the session. Scissors, then swing ur arms fr the left to the right if u want to turn right n vice versa..after Terence had gone for his lunch break, we went playing on the slope..yup..slope..initially i'm a bit afraid of gg up cos i'm not sure if i will glide backwards if i cannt fight my way up..but secret pal said,"Fall onli..nvm 1..juz fall lo.." So i went..n i manage to go up..it ain't tht difficult after all..but the coming down was a disaster..cos i dunno hw to get pass the rubbery strips on the floor..n i juz let my skates glide over it..though i leaned 4ward..i still fell backwards..landed on my butt..very pain..sat there 4 a few secs for the pain to subside..after tht went to try again..can go further but still fell..this time on my side then butt..so nt tht pain..after tht Terence told us tht we can avoid the rubbery strips bby gg to the side so we can go further w/o falling..so i tried again n YESSA! I didn't fall this time..There was also "KTV" session at the concourse..sang by the SMU skaters..so me n secret pal sang along..alot alot of songs they sang are wad we know..gt a few is even wn's fav..but we all noe she dun sing 1...but we still sang along while skating..then i saw 1 of the DARE II participants which we were constantly running w/ at the start of the race..the 1 i promised him i will go for his race..Wei Jian..dun believe he actually recognise me cos i think i looked a disaster when i was racing..but yup..he did..he mk frens w/ secret pal n wn very fast..n we soon begin to ask for his email n hp then nxt time can chio him n Terence out to skate in parks..after tht go Kbox..haha..cos we all like to sing..N thanx to Wei Jian tht i can take a whole stack of stickers w/o being paiseh..haha..yup..our day w/ skates ended lidat..i think i'm beginning to like skating..didn't like it initially cos had bad experience w/ skates when i was young..wasted money to buy a pair of skates somemore then didn't use ever since sec 2..so everytime ppl ask me to go out skate i refuse to..but it's juz a matter of trying..nt say try 1 time, scared alr then dun try it ever again..muz give chance also..though..cycling will always stay in my priority list..it had been, it is still now, it will still be in the future..
After the skating session, we were suppose to meet mushrm at the mrt control station..to go velocity..nt playing wif hp..but i noe u looking for weini so passed the hp to her..cos secret pal didn't hear his hp ringing so didn't ans..cos secret pal's hp running out of money n wn's 1 still gt time so used her's to call back..think we made u confuse le rite..but also nvm..in the end still meet..but wn went off cos her eyes swollen then didn't want it to aggravate them b4 gg to berkelah..ask her to go see doctor also dun wan..stop it sia..eyes' are very impt u noe..we sat on the staircase waiting for mushrm to reach..then wn suddenly asked secret pal y he like CP..he juz said "I also dunno.." Ya lo..i used to think lidat also..even now..maybe in the future also..used to think of alot of reasons y i like this person..but sometimes u can think of 1001 reasons tht can be applied to other ppl also or qualities tht other ppl have also..but u juz like tht 1.."The greatest reason for loving some1 is to have no reason." Saw this quote somewhere in the internet very long time ago.. pondered abt it for a while n think it's quite logical..if u love some1 for tht quality or traits he/she have..then wad if 1 day he/she is no longer like the way u like them to be..ppl changes every day, every minute, every moment..so does it mean tht u dun love them anymore? If u have no reason to love this person then no matter hw the person changes u will still like him/her..i guess tht's wad the quote meant..i also dunno..
Yesterday turned out to be fine..seems like nth had happened b4..seems like everything is back the same way as they are again..met char n JT at velocity..secret pal had to leave earlier for work so he left n we 4 went "shopping"..window shopping for their sports thingy..went to campus corner find CP..then went to look for my slippers though still haven gt them..it's juz like the usual days..joking n fooling ard..w/ JT kp treating me like invisble cos i've said a total of 25 times "I dun want to fren u alr.." in a day..i say say onli cannt ar..u noe i didn't mean to say tht 1 then still lidat..i dunno also..juz wish days lidat nvr come to an end..2 organisms on the train..2 organisms eating dinner..2 organisms gg home..if only the train will go on 4eva..n nt only 14mins..nvm..i also dunno wad i talking also..juz ignore..
| a simple day. 4/05/2009 09:21:00 AM
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Thursday, April 2, 2009
Said sth i shouldn't say yesterday..or should i say shout..i'm nt blaming any1 for anything..nt really angry w/any1 but myself..y am i always so childish n dunno hw to think..dunno hw to prioritize..misunderstood some1 yesterday..i know everything u asked me to do is for my own gd..n i nvr really listen to any1 except u..i also dunno y yesterday i shouted at u..have i really gone past ur limits this time? I seriously dunno..actually everything was ok 1..y did i have to mess things up by throwing a tantrum? I thot i've come to terms wif myself tht i can't go n have to return to the place i was..but juz felt a sense of lost.."Ymuz u always have the things u want?" U told me tht on the bus previously..nw i always ask myself can i do w/o this thing tht i want? everytime things dun happen the way i wished it would be.."This is life.." u said. N i've come to learn this fact.
5 reasons y i want to go berkelah:
1) I've nvr completed the route b4.
2) It's the place where i 1st had my expedition no matter i've been to the top b4 anot.
3) I miss the times i had there n the things tht exist there.
4) I want to say sth to it. (Nt tht i'm crazi or wad but i dun believe u dun talk to the mountains
when u are there.)
5) The nxt expedition we may or may not have tgt will be a very long wait after this.
5 counter-attacks to these reasons.
1)The top is almost the same as jerangkang which i've been b4.
2)I have FYP n this should be my priority whether i like it anot.
3)U said u will still organise a trip there n u always kp ur promise.
4)I can talk to it nxt time i go which i definitely will.
5)U will miss sth more when u dun do it very often. The nxt trip may be more memorable.
I always say gg to berkelah is a need, not a want..LL pointed out tht a need is sth u cannt live w/o like air, water etc. n a want is sth u desire but life still goes on w/o u having it. So berkelah is a want which i can gt sometime at a lata stage of my life. Ms Gan is rite. ADC dun juz give ppl fun, fun n more fun. Our club is not like tht 1. Our club teaches us "Safety comes 1st." teaches us tht we muz not neglect our studies for the activities we organize as Mr Wilfred always told us not to. ADC is not juz abt fun but i am not a gd example of it. I noe but i dun apply. JT told me "U come sch to study or to travel?" Tht mks sense. "R u the only 1 who want to go but can't go? Then nxt time cannt go tgt with these ppl isit?" Tht's even more sensible. But at the end of the day I juz can't help but to feel so stupidly sad when every1 is discussing about it. I juz joined in the discussion "happily" thinking tht this feeling will go away..i dun have gd emotions management..should have known tht..having to leave the place tht i've lived for almost a yr,hav grown used to really is the last straw..I've disappoint alot of ppl n promised ppl things tht i sometimes noe tht i can't mk it..but i nvr break my promise to u..nvr..so nth will change the fact tht i will go back..n i will wk hard for my FYP..tht is also for u..(noe i shouldn't say this) not tht u will benefit fr my results but becos u r always the reason y i'm motivated to do things..sounds scary..but dunno y it's always like tht..u gt my msg anot? I didn't mean to say wad i've said..n when i say i will go back is not anger words..is juz to assure u i will go back..juz tht i shouted it out..even if u r angry with me i will still go back..even if we will drift apart i will still go back..anyhw i will still go back..
Immature, stupid, stubborn blue spidy
| a simple day. 4/02/2009 02:54:00 PM
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