Thursday, August 28, 2008
Stress stress n more stress....i was soooooo stress that my eyes were juz lyk taps..tears juz continuously flow fr it..no matter it's when i'm studying, i'm walking, i'm listening to music i'll be tearing...i dunno y..the weird and gd thing is everytime i cry is when i'm alone..or maybe is i'm juz too tired of the things happening ard me...i juz need a break..a long break..break as in a real break fr sch..fr society..fr the world maybe..i want to be in activities tht i find meaning in doing and nt doing for the sake of doing..i lyk the accompany of real frens..frens who have same interests as me n frens who really cares for me..ya..i noe i've said this a lot a lot of times le..but this is becos they are impt to me..i really can't live w/o true frens..but if i can only live with hi-bye frens then i rather live alone..
LL, u say u r fierce to me..u ask me to nt mind..actually y would i mind? Ppl who are nt fierce wif me when they should r nt my close frens or should i say they r nt close enuff to point out my mistakes..so ya..i'm glad to haf u guyx ard this difficult period..though i cannt say i tide thru it safely..bbut i think i survive physically n mentally if nt i'm really gonna breakdown..as i've said..i will survive..i've survived.. =) There's always a silver lining behind the dark dark clouds...i believe my silver lining has appeared..
2day was the last day of exams...unit operations...this is the paper i'm most stressed about..nt becos i'm the most ignorant about..is becos Mr Tay forked out his time to teach me esp..to mk sure i at least can pass this module..i dun wanna disappoint him for his effort put in...tht's y i really "piang" for this paper..though i still left 2/3 qn blank...I was alr felt lyk crying on my way to the examination hall..so i bought a cup of coffee fr the blk e canteen hoping it can ease my feeling..idarh's friendly hug also made me cheer up a lot..(thanx gal =) ) But when the paper started, tears began to flow again..worst..onto my OMR sheet...knew i had to stop but juz can't..i cried throughout the paper till lyk 5.20 plus when I feel lyk handing up the paper n juz leave..ya..when to some place to quieten down then stuff my things in my locker n headed for a chalet tht i believe will bring back my smile.. =)
PS: Shall put those happy memories in a single post, nt wif this post...which is too moody..
CLoudy days....
Sky2blue
| a simple day. 8/28/2008 08:58:00 AM
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Tuesday, August 26, 2008
5th day of exam...shouldn't be blogging rite nw but i'm on the verge of giving up...this isn't lyk me but ya..it doesn't seem lyk there's anything i can do...has been a real bad day for me today..some1 didn't reply my msg whether xx's free or nt to meet me n i waited for lyk xhrs...luckily i met kai wen...hey bro..thanx for the chat =) u made my day man! Haha..but the rest of my day was dampened..by the weather...by the loneliness..by the fear of being retain..by the long bus ride n by the disappointment when i reached NUS...they told me the tees got delayed and won't arrive till 2mr..wad the...-_-" waste my bus fare..my time to study...made me cry all the way on the bus...stop it sia..n they dropped an email to tel me to collect fr 26th to 29th juz yesterday...I will nvr order things fr them again..nvr...
Another thing tht I'm very very sad about is tht I think..no..I confirm am gg to be retain..I thot I wun mind..I've told myself repeatedly tht I wun mind I dun mind I CAN'T mind..but I juz can't put my mind off...I think I deserve it...n i should retain..cos after reflecting...I think I haven learnt anything this sem n so wad if I manage to go up to nxt sem? I wun noe anything about this sem..I wun noe anything if some1 ask me about fd science...so i dun deserve to go up a level..i didn't clear this well...
When will I find back my smile again? I thot I've found it back 3 days ago? Some1 found it back for me and I've lost it again.. Nw I dunno...
Sad n lost,
Sky2grey
| a simple day. 8/26/2008 07:51:00 PM
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Thursday, August 21, 2008
I dunno...i really dunno...dun understand human....y r they so complex? One moment they can be very nice to you..the nxt moment they can juz turn they faces on you...i hate it..tht's y i hate living here...sometimes i juz wish to leave...leave this place...pk, dun say i copy u..but i really dun wish to live in this complex city....ppl (if there r) in the countries,in the mountains are simpler...they happy they show it on their faces,they nt happy wif u they tell it rite in ur face..n they r much more innocent..i really wish to move out of here..nt only this place but the whole city..u say i'm 3 fen zhong re du...but certain things i wun...things i truly love...n i'm sure i'll survive out there...one day..one day i will shift out of here 4eva...
These few days even i dun understand myself...have been feeling happy all the while or am i juz lying to myself? I really dunno...y tears juz kp rolling down...i've been avoiding ppl..a lot of them...juz dun wan them to see..(but if u guys r reading..sori...i noe u all care but juz..ya..will reappear when i'm back to myself again...) hafta pretend n pretend to be happy...very tiring. So the less ppl i meet the better..maybe only those who noe me well noes me..
PS: n to tht person--> u can hate me or wadeva..i dun care...becos i only care abt ppl i love...n
stop preaching to me cos you r nt a true christian...true christians are nt
lyk tht..
..-. . . .-.. .. -. --. / -... .-.. ..- .
Sky2bue
| a simple day. 8/21/2008 06:22:00 AM
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Some1 ask me what is it to feel lyk being in love or having a crush for some1..hmm..gd question...n the below is wad i've reach a conclusion after i've been pondering on it for a long long time...:
10 things u will do when u have a crush:1. You will pretend to not notice him when he's around and try talking a lot to all the ppl ard u except him. But actually you are viewing him from the side view, hoping that he will notice u. Even if you do talk to him, you will find urself avoiding his eyes.
2. You won't dare to ask him out alone even though you very much like to. N when you do ask him out, u will ask another friend along if nt a big bunch.
3. You will enjoy the moments spent alone with him though it's very awkward and you don't noe wad to say...but juz wanna be beside him.
4. You won't want him to see you cry cos you dun want him to worry for you.
5. You won't want to trouble him even though he always says he's free to help if you need.
6. You will kp doing secret things for him.
7. When he talks about other girls you will juz laugh, nt saying anything, but actually you care.
8. You will try your best to do things that will mk him feel proud of you.
9. You will go to the places he frequents, hoping that he will pass by.
10. You will quietly listen to his talks even though sometimes you don't understand them.
(Then do research when you get back..=p)
Dunno hw guys feel, but I do believe this is hw gals will feel...and some1 told me to tell the person you like that you like them cos u will never noe when u or he will leave this world...even though letting them noe may (or may nt) affect ur friendship with tht person if he dun like you the way you do, it's always better than to regret nt telling...yup..so dun let regrets dwell in your life....
PS: Blog is abit nt complete, will complete it after exams n rd island hike..tata~
Luff,
Sky2blue
| a simple day. 8/21/2008 12:48:00 AM
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Tuesday, August 5, 2008
Thanx lots lots to all my frens (including mushrm's frens, cos u r MY frens too so i juz say my frens, hehex =p) who came down to support + help out in our (ADC) event - Campus Road Run 08' ^_^ esp to fiona, belinda, bernice, lijuan n jerald!!!! Cos actually we have no class yesterday + it's raining n yet u all still nvr back out!!! Kudos to u guys!! N also thanx to x3L n Ms Gan (runner cum helper cum moving tripod =p)Thanx for helping to clear our logistic at the end!! Thanx to mushrm's classmates also, cos u all miss lab to help us out =) N also thanx Andies, Clara n Sam for helping out @ the volunteers' booth..sry for asking u all down then distribute singlets only =p Paiseh..Also not 4gting all volunteers who turn up!! Thanx for nt putting us aeroplane when it's such a bad weather =) Nice 1!
Happy to say luckily the run was quite smooth..though i think i was quite dependent on kama (our club's president) n Mr Wilfred to tell me how n what to do these 2 mths..n i seriously dunno hw to brief my volunteers..still need Mr Wilfred to entertain them for mee to store for time..guess i gt stage fright..dunno y i can talk comfortably with a small bunch of ppl but when it's a large grp..(nt tht large actually on the briefing day..only 30 plus..) then i kan chiong liao..cos it's very awkward to talk when every1 is sitting there looking at u..then all silence..i scared i say wrg things hw? Plus i misinterpret Mr Wilfred's intention of booking the briefing rm for 2hrs...Then i thot the briefing will take 2hrs..then at the end, kama told me NO BRIEFING WILL TAKE 2HRS!!! We use 1/2 hr to set up things then brief for 1hr the most then 1/2 hr to pack up..Plus i also didn't thot of the fact tht i need a projector to project the power point slides..so i didn't loan fr SAO office b4 hand..die..Tht's y i put ADC Junior at the end of all my emails to my volunteers also cos I'm really a junior!!! Dunno this n tht..but luckily gt a lot of ppl help + teach me..thanx to u guys too =)
Then on the actual day..i was praying hard for the rain nt to drop..saw the black black sky..then BL n Pat keep saying later will rain 1..haiz..n it came true..n it rained juz when we were abt to dispatch the volunteers out..haiz..bad timing..n actually i dun dare to ask the volunteers to tie the caution banner cos i scared they tie wrg or dunno hw to tie or where to tie..actually wanted to tie them myself when we are on the way to put the cones..but cos raining so the dispatch of volunteers was delayed n the run was only delayed abit..when we were about to go ard in Mr Ishak's buggy then we realise there's no time to put up cones n banners alr..Moral of the story: Trust ur volunteers. I think i juz didn't have enuff confidence in my volunteers cos i dunno them well. But I think Mr Wilfred's right, u can't do everything urself cos then u will nvr finish doing. Mushrm's idea better. Nxt time should have put up the banners the night before..like wad we did for climb run..kk, lesson learnt..
The run started after the rain had ceased..the floor was quite slippery n a few ppl fell esp on the white zebra crossing area at blk Q there..credits to fiona n gang for noticing the area so that we can put cones there to prevent more casualties..had always want to sit in the buggy cos have always thot it's fun..but i guess i juz wasn't in the mood to enjoy the ride cos i hafta kp looking out whether the volunteers were in their right place n where to put the cones n distribute the yellow coats n light sticks to the correct marshalls at critical points..so very scared things will go wrg..cannt go wrg..cos this is my 1st event..(climb run nt counted cos gt qy to guide me along so nt so scary)yup..after everythings in place then can see the runners run..MS GAN GT 1st FOR FEMALES!!!!! Omg..n Xiao Jing's in the 1st few places!!! Fd science ppl also can run de k!!! =p Haha..Mr Tay SK also gt run..n the TSO (4gt his name le) also gt run..see..fd science also gt sportsman n wonderwoman!! Then the percussion team went onto the track to perform..omg..they r cool sia..James also kp saying funny funny things to spice up the event..i guess everything went well for everi1 except for mushrm's side ba..they all look so super stress in the Napfa room juz tht we didn't see..
Then the day ended with all the logistics moved to their respective places by the volunteers, x3L n Ms Gan..then dinner tgt..debrief then home..tired but relieved..happy also..to noe tht there r frens for u when u need them =)
| a simple day. 8/05/2008 12:49:00 PM
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Hihi! @ koufu wif weini & andy (leong) now...=) actually planned to swim but...due to unforeseen circumstances...hmm...actually is can foresee de...cos we reach back home super late yesterday nite..lyk 4am? Haha..We went nite jogging! Can say is my 1st time jog soooooo late...actually we..(oh..4gt to say..is me n weini) met at the petrol station at ard 12am..but becos we went up my rm to see the mickey mouse mp3 pics and to ask ard who wants to swim 2day so dragged till 1am then went out of hse...and we took a long time figuring how to tie the keys to our shoes n here's wad we did:
Shoes with keys on them..can spot? =p
And as I have no pocket, I stuff my $10 note inside 1 of my shoe...but it's new lah..so it doesn't smell (i think only..cos i also nvr really go n smell..LOL =p) Then off we go! Actually planned to take the bus 72 route to our sch n back tht's all cos it's quite late alr..but somehow we juz happened to feel adventurous..so we decided to go straight..juz kp running straight...n tht was the path of bus 62..to sengkang...we went past this big big field on our left then we juz realise tht on our right is pk's sec sch..okie..then after tht we went straight again..the road is really straight so we haf no worries of getting lost (we thot...cos juz turn back n run straight again jiu can le isn't it? ) Then we talk talk talk on the way...time seem to pass very fast..soon we reach senkgang east then we decided to juz go straight into punggol where we run on these tiles tht mk a lot of noises along the long long express way...punggol is REALLY SUPER ulu sia...no cars on the expressway and the roads so we can juz jog across the roads lyk it's our granfather's 1..hehex..a lot of big patches of undeveloped grass...(or shld i say...grassland?) After running for lyk 45mins, we realise tht...WE ARE LOST!!! (*oh no!) (PS: pk, if u r reading, dun laugh..cos we found our way out eventually..=p ) Ya..we jogged until we came to a place call edgefield-dunno-wad..then we realise we dunno how to go back cos i think we turned in at a point so the road is no longer straight straight le...then we juz continued following the curving path which led us to a church call the central church (i think..) Then we realise we've juz made a big round around a big field...we continue running until we see blk 195 then weini say is close to her sec sch tht means we r alr in sengkang..erm..but she didn't thot of the possibility of the bk 195 is in punggol nt sengkang...-_-" haha..ya..so we r still stuck in punggol...nvm...we went through housing estates onto the main road again to look for bus stops cos gt bus tht means can follow bus route n we were so happy to see a familiar figure-86!! At 1st we didn't notice it's a loop n the route back to hougang central seems SOOOO long! N we've been running lyk for 1hr le..so we think we will need to run for another 45mins b4 we will reach home..luckily we saw tht some bus stops names look similar juz tht in front of the name gt "opp".. = loop...so we start running in the opp direction of the bus route..we ran to the 24hr ntuc at buangkok to get some stuff then walk back to our hse..Ouch....right ankle damn pain sia...and the back also super pain..heard fr weini tht it's becos both of us r flat footers so the running posture will cause bachache..hmm...plus i actually ran 5 rounds ard sch in the evening = 8km...wah..nvr cover so much dist in a day b4..18km...but this really gave me a lot more confidence in doing my nike run and coming singapore bay run..i was actually quite pressurized of nt being able to complete the route..nt to be ambitious..but if i can mk it thru this bay run..i'm gg for the 21km standard chart run this yr w/ elynn.. =) Yeah..gt company..but i will run..erm..no...jog(corrected by pk) real slow so that i can maintain my stamina throughout n complete the route...pls help me jia you cos s'pore bay run will be my 1st official run i ever join (the rest r all sch events to be honest...)..I am not as fast as u guys think i am..i really am nt..Juz a short sth fr my heart:
[was so sad..my timing for 2.4k dropped drastically..i juz found out during atc trg a few wks ago..10m30sec to 11m45sec...=( I was so damn sad inside though..ya..i didn't really show it out..n i took 50mins to run 8k which is really slow lo...some1 even say i walk isit..haiz...really muz train hard le..]
After reaching home, thot will bathe le, brush teeth, go slp...but...no..i still do wad i usually will do-fall into deep trance...(layman term = dreaming) i took out my clothes n towel was on my way to the toilet which was in the kitchen..perhaps i was too tired le..i juz sat down on the chair to rest for a while..stare into blank space again..n the landlady came out..(*uh-oh) She reprimanded me for wasting the lights again..cos i'm sitting there doing nth wif the lights on..n she's nt quite happy about me coming home late..so late..she thinks tht i'm crazi to be jogging in the middle of the night when everi1 shld be slping...haiz..but i didn't even mk a noise when i come back...n i moved out becos i wanted freedom..if i'm still restricted y then shld i move out? I'm nt saying she's nt nice...she is VERY nice..SUPER nice to me in the sense tht sometimes i reach home very late..i will find my clothes alr washed ; she will leave biscuits on my table and sometimes clean my rm...ya..but this makes me feel a bit guilty lo..cos tht's my rm, my clothes so i shld tidy up myself...lyk so weird to haf ppl gg into ur rm n looking at ur things..i also can do nth cos there's no key to the door so i couldn't lock the rm when i'm away..n when it comes to electricity..she's REALLY particuar about it..is really too serious until i gt nth to say..she will wake up in the middle of the night, lyk 2am to chk if i gt off the lights or nt which of course i didn't cos i'm still studying or doing things on the comp..n the nxt morning she will grill me lyk dunno wad...more rules seems to come in after i moved in..she says no washing of clothes in the night..but i come home so late n morning haf to go sch so early..hw to wash? Then she says no activities in the night..but tht's my life! I lyk night jogging n night cycling! Y can't I do so? Then she wants me to come back to slp..but i need to use electricity lyk throughout the night which she doesn't lyk! So now even if i have internet access I still hafta..erm..find a place to study outside...So tell me how? HOW? Juz hw am i gg to please her? I'm trying my best to abide to her rules but tht's nt wad i want for moving out...-_-" Haiz..n actually i'm nt using much of her electricity either cos most of the time i'll be in school at wk..so can't I juz use a bit in the night?
*okie, the above is juz for me to vent my frustration, after all, this is a blog isn't it? Ok..I'll juz mk the best out of the situation n see wad i can do...
So there I stood, listening to her nagging for lyk 1hr? Then it's lyk 5.30am le..by the time i bath is lyk 6am le..so thot of gg down to mkt to buy eggs and bread to mk sandwiches for andy n weini then we can have breakfast after swimming..but juz thot tht I could lie down on the bed for a while..a while only...
Nxt thing i noe is 8.50am le!!!! OMG!! N we r suppose to meet in sch at 9am!!! Argh!!! I see my hp..gt 3 miss call n 1 msg fr weini..i see my msn gt 3 pop up windows, 1 fr xinyi asking me for project 2 report, another fr andy asking me i wake up le ma, another 1 i 4gt who le...so i quickly call weinin she say tht she's still on the bus..hmm..so we r all late! Haha..they waited for me at the bus interchange (paiseh..i'm still the latest) tht time alr 10 plus..but i gt lesson at 11am so..couldn't go swim le..we sat at koufu to have breakfast cum lunch (=brunch, hehex..) then i jiu she bu de zou le..maybe my tutor is rite..(she said i'm smart but lazy..maybe the smart part is nt rite but i'm sure lazy..yesh..to a certain extent..) so we sat there, chat, eat...until andy hafta go off to study (also dunno y he dun wanna study wif us?) then left me n weini...then weini asked me some qns which i was quite surprised tht she will ask...but cos we've known each other for quite some time le n somehow gut feeling tell me she can be trusted wif secrets..so ya..she ask then i give her ans lo..(though my ans is quite ambiguous..) yes..weini, u guess correct ok? Hmm..tht's too much revealed..shall nt go further on..
After lunch, we went outside clubrm to "study"...I was practically staring blankly at the notes lo...cos i really dun understand a word bout unit op...n i noe i'm in no position to ask tsk cos i seldom attend his lessons..haiz...LL..Help!!! I'm stuck at fluid flow for lyk 3hrs? ya..we dragged until 6 plus then we finally throw ourselves into the pool...Woah..the pool is great..dunno y after entering the pool all pain in the legs are gone miracously...we had fun..though we didn't swim much..chatting most of the time with andy kp splahing water into ppl's eye -_-" haha..kk..weini's eyes alr immune to water so she ok..but my eyes damn pain sia..haha..but actually i dun mind lah..play play only ma..=p but nxt time i'll tk revenge, andy, u wait u wait... =p
After swim went to amk to eat dinner. Dunno hw come dinner so quiet..lyk sth missing but dunno wad missing..hmmm..weird..after tht we juz went home..on the bus me n weini also stoning..i fall aslp after a while..guess i was too tired after a whole nite of not-slping...woken up by weini when reach hougang interchange..then we go diff direction home..
The walk home wasn't very long but long enuff for me to think thru lots of things...was thinking of LL's msg n call n huien's help n reminder for me to study for unit op...they are all for my gd..I juz feel tht hw come they will help me? I am nt worth their help..1st,i didn't attend lessons..2nd, i didn't really tk out time to study for this sem..so if i myself dun put in effort y should ppl help or even care about me? But I'm really touch, really touch by LL's continous reminder..though i say she is fierce to me..(but actually she's nt..) It time for me to buck up now..it's now or nvr..exams is lyk 14days away..n i haven touch a single topic...I muz help myself then only can others help me...I really muz wake up fr dreamland..at least for the nxt 3 wks..i i cannt dream anymore...
Happy yet sad day...ended wif lots of reflections n resolutions made...
Struggling but still surviving,
Sky2blue
| a simple day. 8/05/2008 12:49:00 PM
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