i just want ...

Sunday, May 11, 2008

Have really abandoned my usual life ever since wkg @ Ashtons..apart fr being bz wkg there day n night during the hols, i must admit that i've being spending too much time outside chilling out wif the friends there..yup..friends..or can i say sth lyk family? We are lyk spending even more time together than we do wif our family..the wkplace has long become my "playground"...really enjoyed high-5-ing kamarl after wk, challenging kleiser to selling grand samplers and the expensive steaks and of course,da jie's motherly soup...haiz..no longer wkg there..too many things had happened tht dun allow me to go back..can i turn back time? i really wanna be back my old self..i've really changed a lot a lot..i do things tht i'll nvr do in the past..i've really become a bad gal which i thot i nvr would be..skip sch..stay away fr hm..hang my mum's ph..every1 is telling me to go hm but...do they understand me? There r things tht i cannt say..but once i'm hm, my mum would say sth tht made me feel really guilty cos..it's hard to kp secrets but certain secrets must be kept (i've learnt my lesson..) and my mum is juz mking me feel worst..wad's the point of quarrelling wif her everytime i go home? i dunno y..but i think i'm always running away fr problems..no matter its friends, family or..ya..i juz dun wanna go n face it..tht's y i dun lyk to pick up calls..i'm scared of responding..i'm scared of saying the wrong things at the wrong time which i always do.. tht's y i always turn to msging n msn..@ least time is given for me to think thru wad to say nxt..but i guess tht's wrg..very wrg..i regretted nt picking up his call..i hated myself for being such a tortoise..now i'm nt even sure if we are still friends..i dun even dare to see him..y did we become lyk tht when we were lyk best of partners few wks ago? i told u i had this feeling tht i'm gonna disappear juz lyk tht and it really happened... nt even a bye..i hate partings..esp this kind..w/o any warning..
Sad to say, even 1 of my fren noticed tht since last sem i haven been talking much to the others..or rather the others haven been talking much to me..n i juz found out the reason y..quite ridiculous 1 too..so I was quite isolated since the last sem..tht's y i was so happy when i found frens at Astons whom i can really turn to..n i believed our friendship could last..but now..after everything tht had happened, they are leaving me 1 by 1 again..my mum is also trying to separate me fr them..i'm trying my best to stop her but..nth can be done..shawn is alr telling da jie nt to let me stay at her hse n telling billion nt to let me tag along at nite..really sorry every1..to have to drag u guys down..it's really unlucky for u guys to have known me..maybe no1 should have known me..maybe tht would be better..i'm always bringing trouble..but i really didn't meant to..i'm juz scared of being thrown into loneliness again..i dun wanna be alone everytime..

| a simple day. 5/11/2008 08:35:00 AM
-----------------------------------